Friday, December 12, 2008

Christmas Comedy and laughing at Santa's bulging sack

The weeks episode of the humour packed funny podcast - Hosks Half Hour is released and it's time to get in the mood for Christmas.

I know you have been fighting it so far but it's now time to get some of the Christmas feeling in you and what better way to start than listening to the first of the Christmas episodes on Hosks Half Hour

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 54 - Christmas Comedy and laughing at Santa's bulging sack

The contents of the episode are

Xmas Warnings
jealous of the box
don't go shopping after a pint on xmas eve
don't believe her when she says don't spend much

What Christmas is
don't make a snowmen make a snow....
reith lectures
Cliff Richard is Mr Xmas

Christmas Standup
people becoming eating machines
santa is watching you
Christmas to xmas
poor person has his birthday on Xmas
xmas sounds like a fungal disease

Xmas stories
Hosks dad versus the icicle

Xmas thoughts
I hate wrapping presents
Chickens versus turkeys
cheese
the Xmas Film

Xmas stuff
The worst Christmas presents ever given

sketches
Business man - xmas party
Fat kid - mums got funny head


Don't forget there are plenty of other non Xmas related episodes also available at Hosks Half Hour

Merry Hoskmas

Friday, December 05, 2008

Laughing in the face of Armageddon

This week Hosks Half Hour, which is Episode 52 - Laughing in the face of Armageddon

It is will have you laughing like a drain utilising the power of laughter of other people and turning it on you like a laser beam on a bond film

here is the contents of this weeks funny episode of the comedy podcast Hosks Half Hour

I have mixed laughing internet clips with funny Hosk stuff and some toilet humour.

my favourite clips are Armageddon, which is a story to put you off felching if you were weren't already and then we have someone trying to conduct an interview with ridiculously squeaky voiced man


Hosk Stories
I made a new naughty word

Hosk Fact
Penguins can jump six feet

Hosk Standup
the English language
hosk toilet airfreshner
what does pulling your finger out mean?

laughing clips
legover, boggy marsh and the Charlotte Green Today Show March 28 2008 are brought back because I wanted to the hear them again
Armageddon - odd hamster felching thing
squeaky voice man - this is brilliant very very funny
A weather women who bursts into laughter

other bits
a laughing montage collection, very funny

Mucks up

Monday, December 01, 2008

The Demise of Woolworths - you should laugh but you do

Here is some comedy from the funny comedy podcast Hosks Half Hour so if you like the clip which you can listen to here

then you should try listening to the whole episode it features lots of laughing, literally clips of people laughing whilst trying to read the news, commentate on cricket and other serious moments when you really shouldn't be laughing but can't help yourself

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 52 - Warning Laughter contained inside

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 52 - the laughing episode

Episode 52 of Hosks Half Hour the funny podcast for comedy lovers everywhere


So in this weeks podcast we have lots of clips of people trying to do something serious like read the news and then laughing and then not being able to stop laughing

Hosk Stories
etc tomatos in my sandwich
Hosk falls asleep whilst watching Rocky six


Hosk Standup
Hosk interview Hosk over penis talk
cybersex the worst of all the versions of sex


Hosk odds and sods
gummi bears
clare distored singing
muffin top
swearathon
feckingham way

News Nuggets
fat bread
woolworths is closing
the terror attacks in india
moustaches are making a comeback!

Laughing clips
Legover - cricket commentators
Charlotte Green Today Show March 28 2008
news women cant speak without laughing
The Hosk laughing
boggy marsh
News reporter gets a laughing attack

Thursday, November 27, 2008

What is a merkin?

Here is some funny standup about Merkins and talking about the private part wigs

http://ia310834.us.archive.org/1/items/WhatUseIsAMerkin/Standup-Murkins_64kb.mp3

This is a clip from Hosks Half Hour the comedy podcast that everyone is listening to but no one has heard of

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Impossible not to laugh at this clip of two radio commentators laughing

I was thinking about laughing today, I have noticed that when I am recording contents for my comedy podcast I am often laughing at the daft stuff I am or have just said.

The reason I was thinking about laughing because I was thinking about the funny clip of two BBC cricket commentators Brian Johnson and Jonathan Agnew laughing when commentating at the oval. The commentators start cracking up with laughter and go all high pitched. You can find the clip here

http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive/fungames/audio/legover.mp3

I find it impossible not start laughing when I hear this clip. The silly thing is I know exactly what is going to happen, once they say he couldn’t get his leg over, that’s it they can’t go on and start laughing. I am almost laughing just thinking about it.

Ricky Gervais often does this on his podcasts and interviews, the sound of Gervais’s high pitched laughing often makes me laugh regardless if what he is actually saying is funny.

When you think about this, it is in some ways disturbing, it seems laughing is contagious. I have heard this theory mentioned by Malcolm Gladwell in his book the Tipping point. This lead me to think about my own podcast, Ricky Gervais and the excellent cricket commentary clip.

What this contagious laughing indicates is a couple of points

1. Laughing is contagious; if someone else laughs you might too.
2. you don’t even have to hear or know what they are laughing at to join in
3. laughing isn’t always a response of hearing, reading or seeing something funny

The above points may explain why people enjoy watching comedians perform live. I have often been to a comedian and then the next day someone asked me if it was good, Yes I would say but then I couldn’t recall anything funny the comedian said. The of course could be due to my poor memory but maybe it wasn’t all that funny but the fact everyone else was laughing caused me to laugh as well.

I am not saying that comedians just rely on a few people laughing to start a laughing wave and then they don’t have to worry about saying anything else funny but I am saying having lots of people laughing will definitely encourage other people to laugh regardless of the quality of the material.

The mirror has included a list of TV and radio stars who couldn’t stop laughing, if only they included the links to the clips

So what is laughing and is it any good for us, this is one of those topics I wonder how humans would explain laughter to aliens, perhaps they already beamed down to earth and found a bunch of humans laughing and got back in their space ships thinking we aren’t ready to meet them yet, anyway I found a description of laughing here

“When we laugh, the brain pressures us to simultaneously make gestures and sounds. Fifteen facial muscles contract, the larynx becomes half-closed so that we breathe irregularly, which can makes us gasp for air, and sometimes, the tear ducts become activated (1). Nerves sent to the brain trigger electrical impulses to set off chemical reactions. These reactions release natural tranquilizers, pain relievers and endorphins (2). “

I have to admit it doesn’t sound as much when you see it written down in such a clinical manner. This article has some interesting facts, like 80% of laughter isn’t based on humour. It also states speakers laugh 46% more than listeners, although this is 97.5% false when you investigate the laughter speaker to listener level of my podcast, which I have selfishness not mentioned for a few paragraphs, although writing that did make me laugh and probably not you.

I love statistics and this article is chock full of odd and intriguing statistics. Humans laugh on average 17 times a day! And some researchers who presumable are avoiding doing any real work, theorise laughing 100 times a day is the equivalent of doing a 15 minutes of exercise.

The baffling figures they pluck out of the air is impressive for the definitive numbers which I would multiply with a uselessness factor of 3.5 to come to the conclusion I would also like to be someone who spent his time coming up with such statistics.
So scientists think laughter is contagious, I think laughter is contagious so all is good in the world. Laughter it seems is also good for you and is like doing a workout, well bring on the laughter diet.

The amazing fact these ideas seem to indicate is all we need to do is just laugh more, we don’t have to be funny or read funny things or even see anything funny. The only thing we have to do to laugh more is decide to laugh, by laughing you will trigger someone else laughing whose laughter will bounce back making you laugh and none of you will know why. If anyone else comes into your laughter zone they will then start laughing as well.

The results of this will be increased happiness, healthy body, positive feelings, endorphins released and you will all feel a whole lot better with the only downside is your face might ache a bit but when you are all laughing your aching face will probably seem funny.

So get laughing and if you need any help, did I mention I have a funny podcast full of laughing and you know what listening to laughing does to you

Hosks Half Hour - http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 51 - Explaining why you should never laugh in public toilets

The Hosks Half hour is back, so get ready to laugh you pants clean off

Episode 51 - why you shouldn't laugh at people in the toilet

Hosk Story
BT stands for Bastards and Twats
BT - Hazaar I'm back baby
SKY - Screwed me big time
Hosk turns light out in toilet
hosk laughing - bus man pissing in bushes

Hosk Standup
The Hosk almost died of a heart attack!
morning time
pinball wizard

Hosk Thought
McGoogan
rubbish breast joke

News nuggets
krypton factor is back!
man trapped in toilet
man punched in face in urinal

songs
green field
this is bass
The Hosk singing to Bon Jovi
I have been reading some interesting articles today, one leading me onto another. I first started reading about an article by Richard Dawkins after the September 11th attack in 2001, with the title

Stop respecting religion and start submitting it to the same scrutiny as any other idea or argument

actually the first part of the article starts with this

Stop respecting religion and start submitting it to the same scrutiny as any other idea or argument, says Richard Dawkins. And September 11th 2001 makes this scrutiny more urgent than ever...

In the article Dawkins mentions the religion has been the cause of many violent atrocities and conflicts in the world, which always strikes me as incredible odd and something which I can never really understand. Why religion is so intolerant of other religions, in fact why is religion so intolerant of many things and peoples ideas. It always strikes me that religious people I would expect to be the most tolerant and forgiving but always seem to be in the media complaining about things. My comment is probably an inferior rehashing of Dawkins and Gore Vidal and I would recommend you read those articles for a more intelligent discussion of the subjects of religion and Monotheism, read the rest below if you want my thoughts on it.

In the article Dawkins quotes Gore Vidal and his essay - The Great Unmentionable) Monotheism and its Discontents

This essay by Gore Vidal goes into a good deal of depth about not being able to discuss religion and is well worth reading.

I didn’t know what Monotheism meant so I had to look it up

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/monotheism
Monotheism
mon⋅o⋅the⋅ism
[mon-uh-thee-iz-uh m]
–noun
the doctrine or belief that there is only one God.
________________________________________
Origin:
1650–60; MONO- + (poly)theism

The idea of one god always brings a forth intrigue from me, intrigue in what religious people make of this. If there was one religion and everyone believed the same religion with the same god, although I would think this foolish to believe in a god, you would at least give it a bit more credence being based on the fact everyone who believes in god is believing in the same one, some strength in numbers or at least consistency. Basically if everyone who believes in a god all believed in the same god then I could entertain the idea of plausability. The current situation of many different religions and gods seems to contribute to the argument of no god existing.

I myself think Football should be classified as a religion and each team as a different faith because it also is based on illogical, hereditary or environmental (e.g. where you live) conditions.

The fact is there are hundreds of different religions featuring many different gods. This must surely raise a few doubts or questions to religious people, one story about a God creating the world and you doubt it, many stories of different gods creating the world and now you are thinking, well they can’t all be right but how do we know which one is true?

The question of knowing which religion is correct is an impossible one to answer, all the religions are based on faith and not facts. So you could read about all of them but get no nearer the truth.

In the initial article Dawkins focuses on how society is conditioned not to questions religious beliefs and indeed we often tell each other never to discuss religion or politics are you have had a few drinks. The reason why we should discuss these topics is because they are based on faith and not facts, you won’t be able to prove to a religious person God doesn’t exist and in the same way they can’t prove to you he does, so all you have left is a lot of hot air. Politics is based on ideology but it’s difficult to discuss it because it is based on a number of topics with people arguing different and unrelated points, leaving you with more hot air.

Dawkins also mentions an article from the late and great Douglas Adams and his article “is there an artificial God

The Douglas Adam article I recommend reading because it’s humorous, thoughtful and informative, a delicious mix.

So I will finish with thinking about the new word I have learnt Monotheism, the belief there is only one god. How do religious people come to terms with this, they must realise if they had been born in a different country they would believe in a different religion and god. What do religious people think about all the people who believe in a false god? They must think those poor misguided fools, dedicating their lives to pray and worship a god that doesn’t exist, can’t they see that might god is the only one that exists.

I would say to those religious people, the thoughts you have on the people who believe in a god that doesn’t exist are the same thoughts I have about the god you believe in and all the reasons you have to explain why the other religions god’s don’t exist could be used to explain why you god doesn’t exist. Surely there can’t be all these gods and if there was only one, why would he let all these people believe in the wrong god, why doesn’t he just pop down to earth and let the whole world stop spending time fighting, arguing and talking about which god exists.

Of course if he did that I would have to find something else to write about, so hopefully he will wait a few days before he puts in an appearance otherwise this article will all seem rather silly but I’m fairly confident there won’t be any sightings for a while.

If you like this why not listen to my funny podcast Hosks Half Hour

Are people starting to like Bill Gates?

I sometimes wonder what people will say about me when they are gathered round someone’s house or hopefully down the pub after my funeral. I hope they are sad for a second and then focus on my entertaining, stupid and amusing anecdotes and stories.

The reason I wonder this is that when ever someone dies people only have good things to say about them, rightly so in many ways, you want to remember and focus on the good qualities of people when making a brief statement about their life. Still I hope that someone might say that I could be a bit of an arse, argued a lot and often made a bit of a nuisance of himself, I mean who want’s to be liked and doing good things all of the time, bugger that a bit of selfish thinking never did anyone any harm.

Why am I talking about this, well I was wondering if we will start to see a change of opinion about Bill Gates, a slow changing of opinion towards nerdy Bill. This can happen now that Bill Gates has retired from Microsoft, although not working for Bill Gates is probably only working 37.5 hours a week I am guessing. Bill Gates will have a glimpse of the kind of things people will say at his funeral as social commentators routinely write articles on him from now until his actual death, if indeed he can die and hasn’t replaced his living organs with a biochemical version of windows!

Gates has been seen as the enemy, part of the windows led dictatorship of the home PC. In some ways Bill Gates has been lionised as the Darth Vader character in Star Wars and all, he was “the man” many people were rebelling against. A lot of PC users liked to see themselves as Han Solo’s or Luke Skywalker’s working in a small Rebel Alliance trying to work against the big corporate machine/imperial army (to labour on with the Star’s theme).

I have noticed this rebelling and rally against popular/mass used entities before, it often happens to bands. After a certain time when a band becomes so popular then the people who want to be different/individual and not go along with the norm will start to distance themselves and dislike the popular band. I read about one instance of this, it was when the Bee Gee’s had 5 singles in the top of the American single chart and was around the release of Saturday Night Fever. Showing perhaps there is truth in the saying that the only way to is down. Recently we have also had Cold Play, what most people seem to complain about is not the music but the band and their ubiquity.

So Bill Gates and Microsoft had a monopoly and then fought to keep it using nefarious bullying tactics and crushing any smaller competition which had the temerity to try and compete against Microsoft.

Recently I have noticed a small change in the opinion of Bill Gates, I personally have had a grudging respect, in a similar vain to the respect I have for the ruthless efficiency of seven times Formula one winner Michael Schumacher. I freely admit I do not have the focus to control as long and as hard as either Bill Gates or Schumacher and am not sure if I would be willing to act in the way they have done (although it is distinct possibility if I was in their position) but I can appreciate their actions in a cold calculating historical reflection. It has been successful because it is Bill Gates and Michael Schumacher that we know remember and not the names of the people who they bested.

Now Bill Gates has chosen to dedicate his time and considerable wealth to philanthropy will also make it easier for people to warm to him, which is saying something because he seems to have a impatient manner which often precocious intelligent child geniuses have when having to talk to well rounded but less intelligent individuals. I will use this opportunity to tell this trumpeted up self important little brain bullies, all the time you were locked away studying the rest of us were out on dates and socialising with people and having fun and no fun cannot be defined by making up a new calculation or formula or in Bill Gates’ case a new operating system.

I will add I think it is noble thing for Bill Gates to do, many businessmen often spend their time and money in making more money, so regardless that Bill has more money than anyone, the media attention, time and money he is putting towards good causes is a benefit to the mankind and so should rightly be applauded, Well done Bill you weasel faced uber nerd, there I said it.

So with the Gates shuffling out of Microsoft (is he a rat leaving the sinking ship?) and his focus on philanthropy, you will see history slowly rewritten to paint a nicer version of events which make nerdy Bill sound a bit more human and less Microsoft. It will also focus on his many achievements, especially on the start of Microsoft and his school days where he put in an incredible amount of work and thinking to propel him and Microsoft, which for a long time people could tell where Microsoft started and Bill Gates finished.

The plus side of Bill Gates giving his money away is it will hopefully stop people telling how many millions Gates earns a second or a minute, who cares, I bet he doesn’t it. It will also stop me wondering if you could buy your own country for 50 billion and what you would do with it.

So prepare yourself to join the new Bill Gates appreciation society as the world starts to like the person who was once the Darth Vader of the computer industry.

Why not listen to some comedy in your ears, listen to the comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour for some comedy like you have never heard it before

Monday, November 03, 2008

Why do people still read Horoscopes?

Horoscopes and astrology is an unusual beast that we have roaming around our daily lives, a seemingly mythical beast born which flourished in an agein the world where claims of reading futures in the stars seemed plausible but why does it continue to thrive in the current climate.

Horoscopes and astrology when tested by scientists have been shown to produce random results, unsurprising really, if people could accurately predict the future surely they wouldn’t need to rely on newspapers for money. Thinking about scientists testing horoscope predictions does bring forth an amusing image, what would be the criteria to test if a horoscope was true or false?

When you factor in the vagueness of horoscope predictions and appreciate the results apply to hundreds of millions of people, the task of testing the accuracy of the predictions becomes implausible, exhausting and pointless. The scope of the prediction would seem indicate the impossible job horoscopes have gleefully given themselves, imagine saying you could predict the future of 6 billion people divided into 12 star signs merely by looking up at the stars, planets and sun.

This leads me to my first odd point regarding horoscopes, everyone knows their own star sign, why? People like me who think it’s completely bonkers anyone could possibly tell anything about anyone’s future from looking at the moon, sun, planets and stars, yet I still know my star sign.

Why do I know my own star sign, up to this point in my life knowing my star sign hasn’t produced one single small benefit or accurate insight into the future? The only benefit which comes to mind is laughing at the future predicted for my designated star sign.

I’m not sure how many people believe in star signs and to what extent. I think a lot of people think the notion of astrology as a future predicting medium is nonsense.

Yet horoscopes and symbology are ubiquitous in society and are prevalent in every daily newspaper. I am not entirely clear whether the horoscope predicts the future on a daily forecast; it would seem to be this way because there is a new horoscope everyday. Yet the contents of horoscopes are generally so vague it doesn’t seem likely for them to occur in one day.

Daily horoscopes can also include a number of predictions, which seems to contribute to an increased likelihood of failure in the forecast. I have also witnessed some forecasts include special forecasts for single people, quite how the stars manage to sort themselves into forecasts for only single people really is quite impressive.

What do people who read horoscopes hope to gain from them? If they believe the future is already set and they are merely travelling down that path, which if you believe horoscopes you must belief the future is already set. This personally seems a very undesirable notion, if I were to belief this then why would I ponder over any decisions because I would belief I have no alternative but to make the choice I am destined by the stars to choose.

If you thought horoscopes were correct why would is the benefit of reading them, you can’t change them unless you believe that by reading the horoscopes it will help you make those decisions. This is one area perhaps horoscope believers help to justify the validity of horoscopes to themselves, a form of self prophecy. If they read they are going to ring an old friend or find love in the supermarket then it is likely they are going to look for these opportunities now the idea is placed in their heads and thus themselves contribute to the correct prediction of the horoscope.

It’s seems most fortunate to people who read horoscopes they are recipients to mostly positive futures as predicted in horoscopes and rarely is anything bad or unpleasant bad news. This is another reason for me to question the validity of horoscopes.

Horoscope writers seem to have self preservation in their mind because who would ever want to read a horoscope with negative or downbeat forecasts, probably only a few miserable people. So in order to retain their popularity they have a tendency to write positive exciting futures which people will enjoy reading, thus preserving the horoscope column.

People do not seem to concern themselves with the accuracy of the horoscope predictions. It is my experience with people who read horoscopes that they have what I describe as a fruit machine memory regarding horoscopes. A fruit machine memory is something I attribute to people you see in pubs who put in pound after pound into the fruit machine but never really remember all the times they lost or how much money they put in but only remember when they win the jackpot. I view horoscope readers in a similar vain to fruit machine addicts, they only seem to remember the times when the horoscope said something that happened but conveniently forget the daily occurrence of incorrect predictions.

People seem to take horoscopes as a mixture of simple fun and yet are willingly to give its prediction some importance if it sounds like something good. Why are certain people willing to take prompting and advice from someone who is clearly making it up? Do they garner some sort of comfort from another person predicting their future? I am yet to understand the appeal of a taking some advice from a stranger who gives you a paragraph with odd, random and mainly useless advice.

The fundamental problem I have with star signs and horoscopes is the millions of people who each have the same future. There are 12 star signs and there are roughly 6 billion people in the world. So this means 500 million people are going to have the same future or prediction each day, no matter what country or social environment they live, so people in the Antarctic will have the same future as people who live in Ghana or London.

People in prison are predicted the same future as someone is free? Age doesn’t seem to be factored into the prediction either babies and children will have the same predicted future as adults and the very old. The other question which puzzles me is why are all the horoscopes completely different in each paper, are they looking at the same stars and planets?

So next time you are reading a horoscope for a bit of fun just think how daft you are being and think maybe it’s about time I started looking up to the stars and making my own future and deciding to do something worthwhile rather than something daft like this from the guardian! I wonder what happens if I don’t refresh my wardrobe?

Sagittarius
22 Nov-21 Dec

The gap between your public role as hard-grafting trooper and your private life of tender feelings currently looks quite a chasm. Until your birthday month, however, you just have to render to Caesar his due and keep your innermost concerns and private duties to yourself. As Venus is still on your side, a charming smile and a refreshed wardrobe will carry you through most social challenges.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Funny clips from the Prisoner




I love watching the program the prisoner and so I did a podcast featuring loads of funny clips from the prisoner, me talking about the crazyness of the prisoner.



I put them together and came up with this, it's a brilliant collection of classic prisoner scenes along with some other stuff like songs, a matrix parody and lots more, check out the podcast Hosks Half Hour and the prisoner special episode

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/09/hosks-half-hour-episode-48-prisoner.html

Friday, August 29, 2008

funny song - do girls look at their minges?

a funny song taken from the funny podcast Hosks Half Hour - http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

the song is called do girls look at their little minges

http://ia311215.us.archive.org/1/items/LittleMinges/LittleMinges.mp3


enjoy and you should have a listen to Hosks Half Hour if you like laughing, swearing, funny news stories, stand up and anything that makes you laugh.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

brilliant free ambient songs

The Hoskinator has been making some ambient songs. Hoskinator has been dabbling in a bit of singing with mixed results but the background noise is quite good, it's very relaxing to work to as it is quite a big, wall of sound.

You can freely download and listen to them on his myspace page

http://www.myspace.com/hoskinator

or you can download the mp3 them directly from here and it's all legal because he put them up there himself.

http://ia311242.us.archive.org/0/items/EverythingWillBeWell/EverythingWillBeWell.mp3

http://ia311320.us.archive.org/2/items/NothingIsHere_517/nothing.mp3


http://ia311310.us.archive.org/2/items/AmbientBrake/AmbientBrake.mp3

http://ia311230.us.archive.org/2/items/fores/fores.mp3


http://ia311202.us.archive.org/0/items/JourneyToTheSun/JourneyToTheSun.mp3


http://ia311219.us.archive.org/2/items/plodding/plodding.mp3

http://ia311230.us.archive.org/1/items/CharlieSaysMeow/meow.mp3

http://ia311337.us.archive.org/2/items/DigitalFine/DigitalFine.mp3

Olympic Comedy

Here on Hosks Half Hour episode 46 you have a load of Olympic comedy bring to mind the great heros of the past like Geoff Capes, Fatima Whitbread and all the others that tried hard but rarely actually won any medals

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/08/hosks-half-hour-episode-46-olympic.html

Hosks Half Hour is the funniest podcast on the internet, so listen to it now

Friday, July 18, 2008

Funny Swearathon

This podcast has a swearathon right at the start which is bloody funny I was pissing myself laughing

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/07/hosks-half-hour-episode-43-proving.html

It's impossible not laugh and the rest of the podcast is bloody funny as well

here is the contents

Characters
Drunken Philosopher - samples some real ale
Business man - the apprentice
Gary Barlow - bloody aliens
Geoff Lockerby - has trouble buying an ice cream

News Nuggets
Councils ban brainstorming
teaching 4 year olds about sex

Hosk Stand up
pulling standards on holiday at new all time low
a swearathon


Hosk Stories
Hosk fights one armed man
nickleback song sucks arse man
Patrick Swayze trucker film!!!
fucking gang a swans waiting for me

Hosk fact
curley wurley on naked breast

Sun stories
women can't understand how she had sex

Spam
brilliant spam arriving in Hosk's inbox this week

muck ups
a lengthy muck ups this week

Thursday, May 22, 2008

how to bring down Petrol prices in the UK

I got this email sent to me today and I found it quite an interesting idea and it certainly rang true because Petrol prices seemed to have been going up recently without any real reason. It's almost as if the petrol selling companies have realised they can just keep rising the prices without any consequences.

So lets try this and see if we can change their minds


THE IDEA

See what you think and pass it on if you agree with it

We are hitting 123.9 a litre in some areas now, soon we will be faced with paying 2.00 a ltr. Philip Hollsworth offered this good idea:

This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't buy petrol on a certain day campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't
continue to hurt ourselves by refusing to buy petrol. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT,whoever
thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work.

Please read it and join in!

Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a litre is CHEAP, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the market place
not sellers. With the price of petrol going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of petrol come down is if we hit someone in the pocket by not
purchasing their Petrol! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. Here's the idea:

For the rest of this year DON'T purchase ANY petrol from the two biggest oil companies (which now are one), ESSO and BP.


If they are not selling any petrol, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact we need to reach literally millions of Esso and BP petrol buyers. It's really simple to do!!

Now, don't wimp out at this point... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to a lot of people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) ... and so on, by the time the
message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers! If those three million get excited and
pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it... ..

THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all You have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all.(and not buy at ESSO/BP) How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out to ten more people within one day of receipt,
all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8days!!! Acting together we can make a difference . If this makes
sense to you, please pass this message on.

PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE 69p a LITRE RANGE

It's easy to make this happen. Just forward this email, and buy your petrol at Shell, Asda,Tesco, Sainsburys, Morrisons Jet etc. i.e. boycott BP and Esso



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Friday, May 16, 2008

Penis thefts' cause panic

Here is this weeks podcast and a funny podcast it is too.
http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/05/hosks-half-hour-episode-35-penis-thefts.html

Hosk Investigates
Apprentices explain differences between Halal and Kosher meat

Sketches
Unexpected new – Gillian McKieth is what she eats
Gary Barlow – Robbie gives comedy awards to wrong person
Benard Hoskoshky – go back to Poland
Colonal Filth – Are you Janice’s boy

Hosk Fact
The genesis of the word idiot
Johnny briggs
Film idea - Biff Reece Jones

Hosk Stories
Hosk story – I told them about you starring in a sex show
Hosk goes to the sandwich shop with pound coin boy and luncheon meat boy
I went into my local corner shop and got all philosophical on its arse

New Nugget
Penis thefts cause panic in the congo
Darwin awards – idiots are always pushing back the boundaries
Dinosaurs were shagging when they were eight


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour

Friday, May 09, 2008

Warning! when it isn't an air biscuit it could be a meatloaf

Here is Friday’s podcast, filled with sage insights and facts about the world we live in

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/05/hosks-half-hour-episode-34-warning-when.html

Sketches
Business man – attends a meeting
Benard Hoskoshky – toad in the hole
Geoff Lockerby – goes out to buy some corn beef hash
Drunken Philosopher – tries staying in

Stand up
The Milk Deliveries Leaflet
Being a conductor is the easiest job in the world

Hosk Stories
Hosk goes to the dentists – plaque is a never tiring foe
When a biscuit isn’t of the air variety it could be a loaf of the meat variety – what age should you stop pooing yourself in public?
Hoskcast is a word made up by the Hosk – who would have guessed it?
Misleading cash points
Hosks Mum is in for a shock when she buys Raymond Chandler book

News nugget
Sperm donor awareness
The prisoners dilemma
MP’s are enraged when they find out they are being bugged

Sun Stories
Brother has tricky problem

We finish off with the muck ups

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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 33 - Gymnasts lose points for removing leotard from arse!

It's another episode from the funniest podcast on the internet - Hosks Half Hour and episode 33 - Gymnasts lose points for removing leotard from arse!

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/05/hosks-half-hour-episode-33-gymnasts.html


Sketches
Did we win the war despite Waddle missing a penalty?
A local singer
Prostitutes are illegal
Driving around
Proclaimers joke

Hosk Stories
Going to Tesco’s
Gymnasts lose points for removing leotard from arse
Penis envy – look the penis stretching device!
Don’t hotcock yourself
I wonder what Leonard Nimoy is up to
A word a day – polyglot
Definition of sad - The Hosk is at home Saturday night watching cable guy
Man Stroke women is wanky

Songs
The Rapping Reverend
The Hosk does his paper work
The odd dog story

News nugget
To catch a peado you have to become a peado
John Prescott suffered from Bulimia for ten years

Sun letters
Tot killed sex

Muck ups

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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Friday, April 25, 2008

Funny Mike Strutter clips

I was talking about Mike Strutter down the pub today and it inspired me to look for some of his funny shit so here they are are


Strutter gear


Strutter - Sexcalade


Original Strutter


Self Defence with Paul Kaye


Mike Strutter Guide To London



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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Ever suffered a cheese headache?

A new episode of Hosks Half Hour is released into the wild and it's a corker, check it out

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/04/hosks-half-hour-episode-31-ever.html


Sketches
Colonal Filth – do you have the time?
Hosk interview Hosk – What is Truth
Unexpected news – President Bush meets the Pope
Bernard Hoskoshky – Lodz is a wet dream
Bernard Hoskoshky – Big Brother comes to Poland

Hosk story
Kids have wheelie trainers
Hosk gets told off for smiling!!
What would you do if the world was about to end?
What’s cheesier than cheese?
Hosk Story – Girlfriend was out buying a new car.

Stand up
Swearing in films
Sun letters – boyfriend fancies J-Lo more than me
Sun Txts – should I turn gay to ease my pain
Skinny Jeans – I’m heading for a fashion explosion

Film idea
Stumped

News nugget
Camera aids memory loss fight
Phoney ear gets away with phoning and driving
Jo Guest stomach mysteriously gets bigger, but what’s the cause?

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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Funny Podcasts

As I have been recording my funny podcast which I like to call a hoskcast. The podcast is called Hosks Half Hour - http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com which I think is the funniest podcast on the internet, so check it out.

If you have listened to all the episodes and you still want some other funny podcasts to listen to then I was recommend these podcasts

Ricky Gervais XFM podcasts
This podcasts were before Ricky became famous from the office (I think) and are really funny. Have of it is just Ricky's high pitched laugh but the parts from Karl Pilkington are great.

http://www.karl-pilkington.com/xfm-radio-shows.php

Russell Brand Podcast

This is a little bit hit and miss but it's still funny.

http://digg.com/podcasts/Russell_Brand


The Onion
the famous satirist website
http://digg.com/podcasts/The_Onion_Radio_News

The Adam and Joe podcast
this is pretty funny

http://digg.com/podcasts/The_Adam_Joe_Xfm_Podcast

Hosks Half Hour
Just in case you forget

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 30 - The Queen tricks Tony Blair

It’s Friday which means its Hosk Half Hour day. It’s full of bonkers sketches this week

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/04/hosks-half-hour-episode-30-queen-tricks.html

contents

sketches
Geoff Lockerby is up the toon - don't mother him
Morrisey is out doing a brass rubbing and gets a paper cut
Benard Hoskoshky – The first day of the lunar month
Benard Hoskoshky – I only want one juicy green cabbage
Gary Barlow – What's his favourite colour
Unexpected news - The Queen tricks Tony Blair
Colonel Filth - do you know where Clifford Road is?
Iggy Pop - likes saying the cities ripped back side

Stand up
This is how Gyms should advertise and stop changing adverts
sun letters - how do I become Jason Donovan stylist
Britain's got Talent

Hosk Stories
Mav and Goose and no Robot Dancing
it's horrible seeing couples in Ann Summers
Chess players are nerds, FACT!
CUCK - a new swear word you can say in schools
national traffic news is pointless

News Nuggets
man with no hands caught driving lorry!
burglar is dead stupid

Mucks ups and pub talk


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Friday, April 11, 2008

Hosks Half Hour - Funny Adventures in New York City

here are the two parts of the brilliant and funny audio tour of New York City done by the Hosk


Hosks Half Hour - Episode 28 - Adventures in New York City Part 1

This is Hosking's log for cultural learnings of Birmingham and my recent adventure to New York City, so what did the Hosk make of New York


Leaving the office - what a feeling
The packing for the holiday - the pain
The plane Journey

Day 1 - In New York
Taxi in New York - don't get conned
Pancakes for breakfast?
People will tell you New York is Cold
PANIC - The straightener's almost didn't work
The Ellis island queue is too big, it's beaten me
Tipping
ground zero - where is it?
They build em big in Manhatten
The Meat Packing District
New York is known as the big apple
How do you know you are near China Town?
American Money - it all looks the same

Day 2
Visited the Natural History museum
Tourist's gather round a tree stump
where are the super fatties
Frankie & Johnnie's Steakhouse

day 3
Jacqui's nemesis appears - Mr Egg
Hosk finally makes it to The Statue of Liberty
Nerd Ranger

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 29 - Adventures in New York City Part 2

The continuing adventures of Hosk in New York, today he is mostly going to Ellis Island, a broadway show and walking around Central Park having a competition with himself, and musing on New York and Americans.

day 3
Hosk walks the immigration path to Ellis Island
Scary women giving tour of Ellis Island
gave the Statue of Liberty a little wave
We venture to a broadway show, well off broadway
Some life Broadway clips
Food is everywhere in New York
Americans look on life as a toilet half full
Hear Times Square at night, hear the noisy animals
New York is a big grid
A Live robbing

Day 4
Hosk is in Macy's shopping!
Hosk reads a poem about New York
Hosk is still in Macy's
Hosk is on a mission to visit the guggenheim
Alice In wonderland statue
The MET
some music in the park
Joggers lane in central park
Guggenheim is being restored!!!!
Hosk's History's - History to buy
The cheeky horn of the New York Taxi Driver
American caricature's are too nice
Anyone for a Meatseat
Hosk gets sat next to crazy talkative 83 year old Hilda for 8 hours


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 27 - Tramps and Blue Nuns

Here is another brilliant episode of Hosks Half Hour the funniest podcast on the whole of the web and beyond

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/04/hosks-half-hour-episode-27-tramps-and.html

it features

Howdy partners, The Hosk is back from his holidays and you will be hearing of my travels in Hosk travel log sometime in the future but today we are going back to basics with a standard Hosk Half Hour with some of your favourite characters and Hosk talking rude nonsense. This episode includes.

Sketches
Business man – womb room
Benard Hoskoshky – Hello
Benard Hoskoshky – thank you trick
Gary Barlow – donuts
Drunken Philosopher – Tramp and the blue nun

News nuggets
Government bans jumbo pets
Bear convicted for theft
Local news – man find chicken nugget resembling a dog

Standup
X factor
Sun letters – girlfriend seen in porn video
Pump me harder
Acting ugly shouldn’t win Oscars

Hosk Stories
Dog is the aim in life
Rusty water
Shouting at the heavens

Muck ups


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Saturday, March 15, 2008

Girl playing video games and farting

This video of a girl farting has been viewing from over half a million people. I am not really sure why everyone is so interested. The comments are pretty strange as well, with everyone saying they would love to see this girl because she farts.

So if you like to watch girls farting then this is the video for you

Girl Farting


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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David Blaine Street magic part 5

this is a david blaine parody, it makes me laugh, its the looking at the camera and the daft staff that really gets me

David Blaine Street magic part 5



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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Flaming sambuca face

I have never totally understood why you would want to drink a flaming drink but this is definitly one reason why you might politly turn down an offer.

I particularly like the way the person keeps and filming and then they are laughing and then the final bit seeing the bloke in hospital

Flaming sambuca face


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Hosks Half Hour - Episode 24 - Farting Theory Explained

Two more laughter packed episodes for your pleasure


Hosks Half Hour - Farting Theory Explained
http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/03/hosks-half-hour-episode-24-farting.html

this episode contains

Sketches
Mark E Smiths has problems buying a sherbet dib Dab.
The Drunken Philosopher gets chucked out of the pub
The 42 inch TV sketch
The Doctor Depression sketch

Hosk Stories
Extra tomato's for the man who doesn't like tomato's
Why is Hosks girlfriend called Madame Whiplash
Willie Thorne visits Hosks work and a bit of history about Mr Maximum. Also Willie Thorne is rhyming slag for something!!!!

Hosk Standup
The Fart Theory explained

New Nuggets
Spacewalks sound to easy
104 sprinter sets new world record
The worlds longest ear hair

titbits
Lets bring back the insult Knob cheese, call someone a knob cheese today
Mucks ups
The finale is pub talk

Episode 25 - Frankenstein fruits and broccoli pills

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/03/hosks-half-hour-episode-25-frankenstein.html

This week Hosk attempts to make driving to Bradford funny, a stern test for anyone. There are numerous audio parts of Hosks exciting journey from poems to songs to describing the random thoughts biting Hosks brain

Sketches
Morrissey – how the smiths wrote girlfriend in coma
Business man – his son wants some money to buy a skateboard
Fat kid – Jamie Oliver stops unhealthy food
Hosk interviews Hosk – why do you say penis so much?

Hosk Standup
Footballers heaping praise, lets do the same, start heaping you mothers
The budget is rubbish
The house of commons is full of cows

News Nugget
Man bets 2 million at William Hill and then tries to sue them for letting
News nugget – wrong number leads to engaged tone
Scientists – Frankenstein fruits and how much do you love your country
News nugget – farting man gets blown over

The Journey log
A song
The tom tom game
Bears on the left
A poem dedicated to northerners
Do northerners have satellites?
The muntaz head quarters!

I hope you enjoy them and become a regular listener

Hosky

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Video - Square Dance in Japan

videos of Japanese people always tend to be weird but that's because they are usually on some kind of insane game show. This one shows them relaxing and have a nice little square dance and its just as bloody weird.


Square Dance in Japan


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Mighty Boosh - Old gregg deleted scene

Here is a great clip from the Mighty Boosh, with a deleted scene talking about old Gregg.

This scene takes me back to when the Mighty boosh where mighty good, the first and second series was a lot better than their hit and miss new series, although I did enjoy the new series it wasn't as good as this. Have a look.

Old gregg deleted scene


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Hosks Half Hour - Episode 22 - The most cringe worthy audio ever part 2

Here is the Hosks Half Hour, live from the local pub. This episode is excellent for is embarrassing and cringe worthy moments.

Its a mixture of booze and some people who have been out for a while and Hosk talking rude and asking ridiculous questions.

The highlight is getting chucked back into the pub for singing ICE ICE BABY. An explanation of Docking. A discussion about growlers and how to spot one from 20 paces. Hosk dons a man bag but this doesn't mean I darn my own socks. We also learn what a womens bow ties things are but I have forgotten but if you want to know listen to the podcast.

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/03/hosks-half-hour-episode-22-most-cringe.html

Enjoy

Friday, February 29, 2008

The Etch-A-Sketch king

whoa check out this etch a sketching, someone certainly had no friends in his yoof, all he had was himself and his trusty etch a sketch.

The Etch-A-Sketch king



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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Train surfing!

Apparently this bloke found out he had leukaemia and decided to live life to the max.
Extreme trainsurfing


wait a minute he isn’t really dead
The truth about the trainrider


Extreme Trainsurfer - death is fake


I don't really understand all the daft story, I just wanted to see someone train surfing.


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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What is Jumping the Shark?

The term jumping the shark alludes to a specific scene in a 1977 episode of the TV series Happy Days when the popular character Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli jumps over a shark while water skiing. The scene was so preposterous that many believed it to be an ill-conceived attempt at reviving the declining ratings of the flagging show. Since then, the phrase has become a colloquialism used by U.S. TV critics and fans to denote the point at which the characters or plot of a TV series veer into a ridiculous, out-of-the-ordinary storyline. Such a show is typically deemed to have passed its peak. Once a show has "jumped the shark" fans sense a noticeable decline in quality or feel the show has undergone too many changes to retain its original charm.


Fonzie jumps the shark


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Hosks Half Hour - Episode 21 - Watch out for the Death cakes

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 21 - watch out for the death cakes

here is the link

This episode contains

Sketches
Morrisey is badger spotting
Mika doesn't believe in God
Capello should be sacked
old Jack

News Nugget
Man found dead after fairy cake eating competition
painting plates with breasts for charity
mp tries to ban fat bread

Stand up
Boyfriends and girlfriends are different

Hosk Story
Secret nicknames featuring pound coin boy and white seeded, not forgetting the dynamo Warlock

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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 20 - Cheeky Valentines

A new Hosks Half Hour, which is jam full of swearing, I never new I had such a potty mouth, actually it’s not me, it’s the characters in my mind, it’s the voices I tell you

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/02/hosks-half-hour-episode-20-cheeky.html


below is what's stuffed into this episode and there is some kind of swearing record this week

Hosk Story
Cheeky Tesco’s staff
Hosk turns off the lights in the toilet
Hosk finds himself under attack and there are some great big fat swans!

Standup
Subway sandwiches
Tornados are a way to pull
Valentines Day is rubbish

A terrible dad joke

News nuggets
man sinks his own boat
The mosquito to ward off hoodies
Sex with dead model was wrong
The gap year kid writing on the guardian

Sketches
We have Bruno who makes his dirty debut on Hosks Half Hour
We also regretful John who is walking in the country

Mucks and some pub talk at the end

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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Friday, February 22, 2008

Hosks Half Hour - Episode 19 - imagine if genitals could talk!

There is a new episode of Hosks Half Hour and its a cracker

it contains this

We start the show with a Dad joke

We have a sketch with Gary Barlow is back and he means business.

Some hosk standup – imagine if genitals could speak

The hosk is training with the big boys in TKD but he has a few ideas up his sleeve.

News nuggets РThe Spanish come up with the husband cr̬che, Genius. Man showing porn to his pupils. Inept Aussie robbers jailed.
A Britney Spears sketch where she goes to get her psychiatric report., We a sketch from Morrissey walking in the park and Mark E Smith goes to his local shop and buys a curly wurly but he isn’t happy with it.

The sun letters are back with some nude worries for one wife. Someone else is having sex with their aunt.

Then there is a load of fuck ups and some pub talk.

here is the link

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/02/hosks-half-hour-episode-19-imagine-if.html



enjoy and get listening


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Monday, February 18, 2008

Grange Hill - look at the song just say no

I listened to the Grange Hill song, just say no song from the Grange Hill gang whilst recording my funny podcast Hosks Half Hour and its Grange Hill inspired episode, which can be found here

Here is the clip just focusing on the just say no song, It's funny how time makes you look back at things differently, I never realized how rubbish this song was, excluding the funky bit at the start.



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Classic Tommy Cooper Jokes

Someone sent me some Tommy Cooper jokes today and they certainly made me chuckle, I would call them dad jokes but some of them are too good for that title



Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married

The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'



--------------------------------------------------------------------


'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'

'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'



'Is it common?'



'It's not unusual.'



-------------------------------------------------------------------



A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.



'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'



'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'



So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.



Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'



'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '



'No, because he's really heavy'



--------------------------------------------------------------------



'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.'



'Well you can't say fairer than that then'



------------------------------------------------------------------



Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!



---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to the dentist.



He said 'Say Aaah.'



I said 'Why?'



He said 'My dog's died.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------



So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'



And a voice said 'You are.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------



So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'



He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'



He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------



Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them.



It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.



But I think it's Colin.



---------------------------------------------------------------------



So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he
said 'You've been promoted.'



And I swerved.



And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.'



And I swerved again.



He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'



And I went into a tree.



And a policeman came up and said



'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.'



---------------------------------------------------------------------



Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.



I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me, 'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'



--------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give
me a lift?'



I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------



Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other



'Does this taste funny to you?'



---------------------------------------------------------------------



Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.



They charged one and let the other one off.



---------------------------------------------------------------------



You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'



So that was nice.



---------------------------------------------------------------------



A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'



---------------------------------------------------------------------



A man walked into the doctors,
he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'



The doctor said, 'well don't go to those places'



---------------------------------------------------------------------



I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
He wasn't very happy.



---------------------------------------------------------------------



I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.



---------------------------------------------------------------------



I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
---------------------------------------------------------------------



Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.



--------------------------------------------------------------------



Phone answering machine message -



'...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key...'



-------------------------------------------------------------------



I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.



He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'



---------------------------------------------------------------------



My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.



A strong currant pulled him in.



---------------------------------------------------------------------



A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.



He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'



The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.



---------------------------------------------------------------------



I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.



---------------------------------------------------------------------



Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.



They lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once and for all that







you can't have your kayak and heat it.



---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands.



Police say that he topped himself.
---------------------------------------------------------------------



Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.'



The other one says 'So are you, you fat slob!'



---------------------------------------------------------------------



Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.



Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night



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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Sunday, February 17, 2008

Monty Pythons - The Lumberjack song

I have been watching Monty Pythons flying circus recently so I thought I would digg up the Lumberjack song. I find it funny firstly that they came up with the song and secondly that it sticks into everyones mind so much.

if you haven't heard about it then here it is in its full glory



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Standup Comedy - English Language

Here is a clip of some standup comedy about the English language, talking about some unusual aspects of it.

like saying no offence at the start of the sentence means you can offend people.

We also have a look at the statement, she was asking for it.

here is the link

The above link was a clip from the Hosks Half Hour which is the funniest podcast on the internet, so go check it out


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Saturday, February 16, 2008

Stand up comedy - dieting makes you put weight on!

I bet if you looked up some figures that 70 percent of the world was on a diet and the other 30 percent have probably given up because they are too fat.

Here is some stand up/observation humour on deiting and the fact people often put on weight when dieting rather than actually losing it.

here is a link to the file

This clip was taken from Hosks Half Hour, which is a comedy podcast that is well worth tuning into because its full of stuff like the clip above.


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Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


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Friday, February 15, 2008

Hosks Half Hour - episode 18 - Evolution and receding chins

Its friday so it's time for another excellent episode of Hosks Half Hour and this weeks episode of Hosks Half Hour is very funny.

It has some good news nuggets about being handcuffed and naked in a strip joint and has a humorous look at evolution and what might occur in the future.

here is the link

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/2008/02/hosks-half-hour-episode-18-evolution.html



and here is the description of this weeks episode


Some news nuggets on what names conjure up images of huge tackles and little tackles. Amusing Hosk stories on being ill and his rubbish old car. News nuggets see an Australian MP3 telling a story about his adventure in a strip joint. Hosks has a look an article about Human Evolution in the future and how we will split into one lot will be a group of fat goblins and the others will be giant healthy bunch. So I develop my Hosking 3 Knobs theory!

News Nuggets talk about paper pants! We have a sketch with Morrisey from the Smiths telling us about his life. Hosks car is in the car doctors. We also have Derick the Aussie Agony aunt dealing out some advice. Hosk tells the listeners about Man Flu.

There is some stand up comedy about bad advice, stupid questions and dilemmas. We finish off with some mucks and pub talk.


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Deathstar Cafeteria

Eddie Izzard hasn't been funny for years now but I heard this sketch and it reminded me of how funny he used to be. I saw his last stand up show, sexy or something like that and it was really unfunny, apart from him saying "IN MY MIND". He should stop being in films and start doing comedy again.

I can't tell if this is new or old but either way its classic comedy from Eddie Izzard.
Deathstar Cafeteria


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Funny Video - Ninja video - my sugar

A comedy video from children's TV masters, Trevor and Simon doing a Ninja sketch. I didn't realise it was them to start with and it surprisingly funny.


my sugar


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Dentist feels 25 women breasts whilst treating teeth

I read an article about a doctor who used Chest massages to treat womens dental problems. He manages to get his way through quite a number as well before anyone complains

Here is a link the audio file about the shocking tale


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

Funny comedy podcast - Hosks Half Hour


http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/