Friday, April 27, 2007
Amusing IT Stories - Episode 23 - Get some Nuts
I thought I would have a look at where the blog is on Technorati Rank:
582,721 (106 links from 8 blogs)
Favorited by: 2 members
Yes favourtied (is that a word) by two people, this statistic isn't quite as impressive when you consider I am one of them :-)
Although I will give a big up to Srambled Toast who has Amusing IT Stories on their blog roll, here is the link so go and have a look
http://corporatecartoons.blogspot.com/
Here has a cool section on words for nerds and some good cartoons and more important he digs this blog baby.
I thought I would update you on my bid to move up the rankings of google when you type in amusing stories. On the last episode (22 - Terrahawks stay on this channel), when you typed in amusing stories in a Google search this blog was on the fourth page. This week when I typed in amusing stories I was on the first page and the fourth choice down. I would like the readers to know that I don't spend all my time doing Google searches of Amusing stories.
This weeks blog seems to be full of facts and not so much of your youtube action, so if you would all raise you eyebrows to the high section please, we shall continue.
I'm going put this right up at the top because its fookin brilliant, if you haven't seen the MR T snickers advert, click the link below. It was said by many to be the highlight of the Man Utd Versus AC Milan match.
The Mr T advert - its the nuts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NySN_plfiNI
the official website
NICE T-SHIRT
firstly the T-Shirt is funny and secondly the girl is hot, perfect combo. She has a innocent quality to her.
WHAT DOES AWOOGA MEAN
Ahhh the age old question. People are always typing in "what does awooga mean". I don't know exactly what they are hoping to find as it doesn't really mean anything. Apart from the fact that Craig Charles first used and not John Fashanu. Anyway I thought I would look it up because the people want to know. In fact my blog is the first result you get back if you type in awooga in Google. Whilst looking it up I found this cool site, the urban dirctionary
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=awooga
this is the favourite/top description of awooga
Welcome to Robot wars, Awooga.
New world record Awooga.
The world is round. Awooga
this was second
cool version of Eurika (I found it!).
right so there you go, you now know what Awooga means.
talking about Craig Charles, Amsterdam Rob he then starting blabbling about Craig Charles hosting a virtual reality show, suspicious that AmsterdamRob might had a slice of space cake at lunch time he told me to type into the search engine, "craig charles, awooga, virtual reality" and bam up come Cyberzone. It looks like GamesMaster except instead of Partick Moore they have this dude in a white cowboy outfit and the tasks are virtual reality type thing which seem to involve a lot of running on the spot. The catch phrases of the show are
"Awooga"
"Build me a borg!"
cyberzone description
http://www.ukgameshows.com/page/index.php/Cyberzone
cyberzone youtube clip. This is excellent stuff from Craig Charles, its like he has gone mad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkzF56tGYSg
LOOKYLIKEY
Mr C or is Steed?
QUOTES OF THE WEEK
C says:
felix dennis
C says:
http://www.life2point0.com/2006/09/felix_dennis_an.html
Companies should foster a spirit of entrepreneurialism, not team spirit. They should be “ruthless meritocracies”. Team spirit, he says, “is the glue that binds losers together."
and of those who watch TV
you look in their eyes and it’s like dead fish. They’re lying in their everyday graves."
Michael says:
did you get that ?
Michael says:
ACKNOWLEDGE ME !!!!!!!!!!!
driving in today was work today was like driving in someone else's body, I was driving in today in the third person
The bird : wow this trident chewing gum is like Hubba Bubba for grown ups
CLASSIC INTERNET JOKE
This picture was emailed with the saying
"you know its summer when the girls get their bellies out"
FOTD - FACT OF THE DAY
In my old company we used to have a fact of the day email, where one of the gang would be tasked of finding something interesting and emailing it to the group. Most people took it seriously enough to go and find an interesting or unusual fact, like what are onion Johnny's, what is asbestos etc etc. One person didn't and this is what he sent and the responses. The person who sent this is still reminded of this pathetic effort to this day, I present
The History of Roman numerals – classic
From: Gavin
Subject: RE: FOTD
And please have a read of your fact first to check it doesn't sound like it was made up by some retard
-----Original Message-----
From: Hosk
Subject: RE: FOTDI have a request for fact of the day
can someone look up - how eating effects your poo. in particular I was thinking about the hot poo (I did one today) and the Guinness poo. Tied in with this, what makes some poo's float whilst others sink.
-----Original Message-----
From: Gavin
Subject: RE: FOTDKid's obviously in the remedial class
-----Original Message-----
From: Rick
Subject: RE: FOTDThere was no King Charles VIII... How credible is the rest of the email?
-----Original Message-----
From: Gavin
Subject: RE: FOTDFar be it from me to denigrate a fellow crippler's efforts, but that fact does look like some (semi-literate) kid's 3rd form essay. It doesn't, as claimed, even give any history of Roman numerals except the observation that the Romans used them from 500BC
-----Original Message-----
From: Chris
Subject: RE: FOTDI haven't go time for this
From: Gavin
Subject: RE: FOTDSounds like a clock of shit to me!
-----Original Message-----
From: Jon K
Subject: FOTDThe History of Roman Numerals
Roman Numerals developed around 500 BC. They were used by the Romans. Now you will learn about how Roman Numerals are used today, how they were and are important, and more. You will learn topics other then the HISTORY, but also the PRESENT. I hope that you will enjoy how it has been put together!
CLOCKS
Roman Numerals are considerably easy to learn, according to many studies. They say; "Especially if you know the seven numbers used. Others say, "They are so easy to learn, that they are worth learning!" Actually, it depends on the person who is learning it. Of course, I, II, and III are easy. You might ask, "Why does the four on some analogue clocks say IIII instead of IV? The answer is: The IIII is said to reflect the number VIII (8), which is directly across from it.
TEXTBOOKS
As you might see, if you pay attention when you read textbooks, the ROMAN NUMERALS are usually in lower case. Textbooks are an interesting place to study. Example: In the math texts, this is how the ROMAN NUMERALS are written. The lower case "j" can be a substitute for the "i," so eighteen could be written xuiij rather then XVIII. The lower case "u" can substitute the "v".
MATHEMATICS & ROMAN
NUMERALS
If you can imagine doing arithmetic in Roman Numerals, your WEIRD in a way, but your not. If you were someone who learned Roman Numerals as an eight-year-old, you would probably think that learning Arabic Numerals was weird. It usually depends what you learned first. Their are some people who would consider it "COOL." When you write Roman Numerals, you write and read from left to right; from highest to lowest. M is the biggest Roman Numeral. Numbers are formed by a string of letters. A horizontal bar is placed over a numeral which multiplies to 1000. The "v" with the bar over it equals five thousand. and the "x" with the horizontal bar equals ten thousand. Three million eight hundred and fifty two thousand, four hundred and twenty-nine is depicted to MMMDCCCL, (3, 850) with the bar over all the letters and then for four more characters. Horizontal bars are shown to say simply, "The numbers were not letters." The first letter in a Roman Numeral is usually the biggest. Fifteen is represented XV, not VVV, nor XIIIII. 99 is written LXXXXVIIII. Have you ever wondered what C and M mean in this numbering system? Here's the chance to take a peek at what Scholars think. They think that M is an initial for "mille", and the C is an initial of "centum", both Latin terms. Now we are back to the number four. The four does not have four I's. That would make it 1, 2, 3, 5; so it is made VI because it is five minus one. M is the biggest Roman Numeral, as you've already learned. Since the biggest number is usually written first; and it is the biggest number, 5, 000 could have been written MMMMM. There really isn't any other way to write it. Subtraction only takes place for four and nine times the power of ten. (i.e. 4, 40, 400, 9, 90. 900). Counting: People think counting began on fingers. "That is why we count by tens." They say, but it is not proven currently. 2000 is a clean number (MM), compared to 1999, which is MCMXCIX.
HOW ROMAN NUMERALS ARE USED
BY PEOPLE...............
Many ROYAL people use Roman Numerals at the end of their names. POPES also use
it. There are other indications where people use this, such as wars, the age of the dead on tombstones, and in television areas. Examples are: King Henry the VI, Queen Elizabeth the I, Queen Elizabeth the II, King Charles the VIII <8> (of England), and King Louis the XIV <14> (of France). However, some important people's roman numerals at the end of their name can be changed to; "the Great," or anything else to consider what they did. An example for a Pope is John Paul II. (KJW). Examples for wars are World Wars I and II. An example for the age of the dead is:
HERE LIES Mr. Allen Edward Pickleby, Age LXXVII (7)
GREAT GRANDFATHER OF VII (7).
GRANDFATHER OF IV (4)
FATHER OF VI (5).
BELOVED OF Mrs. Mariyah Jane Pickleby, Age LXXV (75).
The next part is on "television areas." Roman Numerals can be used on the dates in films, as well as television programmes, and videos. Examples are: MCMLXXXVI. (1986).
WHATEVER HAPPENED ABOUT THE ZERO?
The Romans did not have the number zero. There are three ways in which studies show of how it could have been used. The first is the horizontal bars which you learned about around the beginning. The second is the word "none," though there is no real proof about this. The third is typically the same: "nothing."
Who is Kurt Vonnegut
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Vonnegut
and this is one of his books I want to read
EMAIL JOKE
Two dyslexics in a car, one says "Can you smell petrol?" The other replies "Don't be such a ****! I can't even smell my own name!"
GOLF JOKE
AMSTERDAM ROBS HOT ONES
here we have a collection of amusing videos found on youtube and google videos
Naughty talent
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=4811668584295085626
thanks MTV
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-5982651892716489020
Mouse remix 100
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-1532320805611153503
Best penalty save ever
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-7233445036972827652
How not to pole dance
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-4006287492881041488
Best of Trigger happy TV
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=1608746773157780239
pimp attacks black belt
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-3864814817911774827
sexy kylie advert
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=7364989122125632952
Classic sexy video
I haven't seen this for a while, although I never get bored of it. The famous word s of oliver twist come to mind when watching this "PLEASE SIR CAN I HAVE SOME MORE"
call on me
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=6428755163882313746
CAMEL TOE
There has been a lot of talk about camel toes in the office week, camel toe picture, here is a woman proud of her camel toe
http://www.davesdaily.com/videoclips/211-camel-toe.htm
do women not realise they have a camel's toe on show, surely its one of the dangers of wearing tight clothing
Now I imagine all the blokes out there are getting bit jealous because they can't have a camels toe, well don't worry you to can join in the fun
here is a scientific look at the camels toe
http://www.fashion-incubator.com/mt/archives/anatomy_of_a_camel_toe_pt1.html
the camel toe website
yahoo questions come up with a camel toe cracker. There is nothing better than people who don't know what a camels toe is
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070414072640AAuxswD
What does camel's toe mean?
My daughter got a text message about her camel's toe. She wants to know what it means. I could not find it online anywhere. Thanks
there are some excellent answers
It means her pants are too tight in the front, allowing people to lip read, if you know what I mean.
It is when a female wears clothes so tight at her lower extremities that the shape of her female parts are quiet visible with out really looking. I Highly recommend you buy your daughter new clothes and forbid her from chatting with this person who mentioned it. He obviously has no good intentions.
A camel toe refers to the crease formed when tight clothing conforms to the shape of a woman's vagina, which resembles a camel's toe.
this was voted the best answer it is way to technical
Cameltoe is a slang term that refers to the outline of a woman's vulva when seen through tight, form-fitting clothes. Usually, a cameltoe is visible from the front. Pornographic web sites exist that are solely dedicated to publishing photographs of cameltoes. The male version of this is referred to as a "moose knuckle."
The word cameltoe generally refers to a visible cleft between the labia, as between a real camel's toes. The size of a cameltoe is largely dependent on the size of the labia majora, not the labia minora, although the latter can contribute.
Uncleft "bulges" are more often visible. The degree to which a woman's mons pubis or 'Mound of Venus' protrudes depends on a number of factors, including weight and anatomical variation
The causes of cameltoe are not always obvious, especially to younger people. Cameltoe is commonly understood to occur as a result of wearing clothing under the following conditions:
Exercise shorts, stretch pants and leggings— including Lycra or spandex
Very tight-fitting jeans, shorts, hotpants, underwear or swimwear
Vigorous or repetitive exercise, including running, especially in tight clothing
Wet clothing
Wearing pants too high
However, some fashion analysts have identified the clothing design as the problem, rather than its size. Cameltoe may thus be exacerbated by:
Poorly designed jeans
All the best!/
One final picture of a camel toe, this time attached to the actual camel
STILL HAVENT FOUND WHAT THERE LOOKING FOR
check it out, I'm the number one page if you type in laurie sanchez image. My favourite search of the week has to be "our lass has got a massive fanny", now please tell me what exactly are you expecting to come back from that search
"long legged candy"
Find Amusing 60th Birthday Comments
youtube cilla black blind date
defenders of the earth storyline
weightlifter and exploding anus
drinking milk boobs grow
wiki defenders of the earth
what happened to Charlie Gimbert's in lovejoy
weakgame.com
"MR'S" slang internet
stanley gibbons lyrics- weebls stuff
"mary whitehouse" clip
mike strutter sayings
ANIMAT ADULT
our lass has got a massive fanny
"having a bad day" die events myth urban legend
what does defcon mean
spanking stories and histories
spanked on the trousers
transvestite weddings on youtube
french Anti-tank Missile Launch Gone Wrong
friday night after work anna digbeth
laurie sanchez image
awooga origins
Mother forced toddlers to fight mpeg
www.metacafe.com breast massaging video clips
noel edmonds tattoo jpg
April 2007 "Richard O'Brien"
inferred fart
stories on types of monsters in childs books
trick picturesof a man and woman but if you look carefully you see a number of dolphins
herbalking credibility
goodness gracious me restaurant sketch clip
munchbreak pictures
"gus hanson goes crazy"
Paul Kaye Strutter
diy bee gees kit
amusing stories on a plane
horse named Ginger Minge
del boy funny french sayings
john cafferty heart's on fire rocky 4 video you tube
is it true if you drink whole milk your boobs will get bigger
Dark Crystal trial by stone
crossfields boatyard
win one soon paul jewel
tum kin
in the jungle almighty jungle when lion sleeps
Femdom Strap-on Story: Amsterdam trap
andy peters dancing on ice fall
anna drunken kiss pub in digbeth tattoo
+"mary whitehouse" +"thats you that is"
frenc womens wrestling clip
WHERE HAS HE GONE?
This should be the response of all blokes when the missus is looking to get you to do some hoovering.
MR C'S NEWSROUND
never post a party invite on the internet
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wear/6549267.stm
I like the fact they describe it as house rape
Norton to be new Hulk - No its not Graham
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6559031.stm
web love man loses 16,000 pounds
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/kent/6565125.stm
toddler fight woman spared jail
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/6574907.stm
wipe you arse less demands crow
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/23/crow_masterplan/
Catapult boy gets eaten by crocs - I like the name they have given the little idiot
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/china/article1690634.ece
there was also two good comments on this story
When kids do stupid things and get killed, it may be sad but it's evolutionary. if we stop their stupidity from affecting their survival it's a poor lookout for human development. There are too many humans anyway.
Well at least the boy got a posthumous Darwin Award for his trouble.
Family of 11 share same initials
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2302056.html?menu=news.quirkies
And possibly share the one hive mind as well. Of all the names this was the one they must have realised they were scrapping the barrel - Thad Jack. That sounds like a sound you would hear at a cricket match.
Girls outdo blokes at ogling
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2289711.html?menu=news.quirkies.sexlife
come on chaps, we can't let them beat us.
Durex appeal for testers
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2264998.html?menu=news.quirkies.sexlife
now don't all put your........erm, hands up at once
Escort agency launches virgin service for geeks
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2296525.html?menu=news.quirkies.sexlife
Bond enters uk film elite
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6587039.stm
Rap Mogul wants racist words banned
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6586787.stm
Man cuts off penis in resturant
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6586879.stm
you never see woman cutting off their breasts or anything like that do you
chinese rule the world
http://news.
When Hugh Grants attack
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6595297.stm
BAD LYRICS
Biscuit sent me a link to his Brothers band and they are certainly an angry bunch and they were soon singing no body likes me no body gives a damn. I like the name of the band as well Plutonia
Check out their mspace page and if you are old you will no doubt "not understand it"
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=112659997
DID SOMEONE JUST SAY SPINAL TAP
lets start with the classic of classic clips, this one goes up to eleven. This clip probably sums up the difference between men's and women's humour, you show the these go up to Eleven clip to your girlfriend and nothing happens, they do not get it and in fact they will tell you that its rubbish
and my favourite song from the tap - big bottom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMZilI_ct1A
Big Bottom Lyrics
The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo
Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean
My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah
Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
and here are a few more classic spinal tap clips
David Gilmour with Spinal Tap "Big Bottom"
spinal tap - stonehenge - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU3H1Um4Ju4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4fCbqjWiek&mode=related&search=
listen to the flower people - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyjxb9m5edI&mode=related&search=
spinal top on jonathon Ross,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFr7ooGzlfI&mode=related&search=
good lord he looks like his brother Paul Ross and he looks really young and the set looks like it might blow away with a strong breeze.
Spinal Tap on Tonight with Jonathan Ross (Part 1 of 2)
WHERE'S THAT QUOTE FROM
I came out with the quote "Tiger tiger burning bright" this week. I thought where the hell has that come from and then I remember it was something Mr Spock said when he goes a bit crazy and attacks Willie Shatner (something a lot of people would like to do no doubt). I wonder if it came from anywhere else, to try and save myself from admiting I was quoting star trek (to quote star wars is fine, to quote star wars means you are a geek). Anyway what a philstine I am, it is from a William Blake Poem as I am sure most of you were shouting at the computer whilst reading the lines above, anyway here it is, from here http://www.bartleby.com/101/489.html
TIGER, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?
And what shoulder and what art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?
What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?
When the stars threw down their spears,
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see?
Did He who made the lamb make thee?
Tiger, tiger, burning brightIn
the forests of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamworth_Pig
Why is Tamworth famous for its pigs, excellent question, here is the answer, its is linked to why the police are called pigs, a question which I have answered in a previous episode
http://pages.zoom.co.uk/elvis/relpig.html
One of Tamworth's most famous sons is a Sir Robert Peel (Second Baronet & Statesman - 1788 - 1850). After entering into the House of Commons in 1809 Sir Robert enjoyed a long and successful political career. It was whilst in Ireland in 1809 that Sir Robert discovered a breed of pig referred to as the "Irish Grazer" that appeared to impress him so much, he had several of them imported to his Drayton Manor Estate in Tamworth where the pigs were bred. The breed became very popular and in 1865 were given a separate classification as a breed at the English Royal Show and since have been exported to practically every English-speaking country in the world. Due to the "sandy" colour of the Tamworth pig, it is often referred to as the "Sandy Back".
In 1829 politicians had become increasingly concerned about the problems of Law and order in London and so it was Sir Robert Peel's idea to change the way London was policed. His resulting reform created the Metropolitan Police Force that we know today and this is one reason Police men are often called "Peelers" or "Bobbies"... ie: they are "Bobbies's Men".
So where does this all leave us. Tamworth it appears is now famous for amongst other things, the Tamworth Pig, The Modern Day Police Force and the Reliant Robin. In the UK the Reliant Robin is seen by many 4-wheeler drivers as a vehicle they would never drive, and despite being amazingly clean animals pigs are often thought of as dirty greedy animals. In our every day speech many of us at some time or another refer to the stereotypical habit of pigs. For example, "I had a flat tyre last night and it was a pig to change" or "Have you come out of that piggin bathroom room yet?" or even, "Don't eat all that you pig". So, as the Reliant Robin is made from Glass fibre, some how both the Tamworth Pig and Reliant Robin have been merged as one to form the "Plastic Pig".
That seems one logical explanation so I guess you are wondering now where the Police come into this. As mentioned the Police Force (as we know it) was created by Sir Robert Peel and we know Sir Robert Peel liked Pigs. Could this also be why in many of the older Police Dramas on the television that the Police are often referred to as "Pigs" or the "filth". Maybe the Police Force have suffered the same wrath as the Reliant Robin. Two Tamworth products, Police and Pigs, combined together to be simply, "Pigs".
CHEEKY
Check out these videos... You might want to shield the screen!
:- )
I will warn you before any pops the film below on at work, there is some boobies being displayed
>I had to watch it twice as I was laugh sooo much
>
>>>http://www.fullur.is/drasl/063.wmv
LOUIS THEROUX ON THE INTERNET
This site has a load of links to Mr Theroux and his weird weekends and other shows and what's more its freeeeeee
http://www.tv-links.co.uk/show.do/1/1376
The wrestling one is well funny when he tells one of the wrestlers that its made up, they beast him for it.
Whilst you are on the site above it has loads of links to other shows like the A Team, baywatch etc.
I watched Theroux episode when he investigates the porn industry, jeez it is a depressing place to work. One bloke who is straight acts in gay movies and he looks really pained at doing it. In fact its quite odd because all the actors in the gay porn are straight?? It was fairly interesting
http://www.tv-links.co.uk/link.do/1/1376/1971/15085/25077
he has DVD out of his weird weekends, which can be brought at amazon for 15 quid for four dvds
or you can buy individual volumes for £5.98
EMAIL JOKE TIME
> >
> > >> Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the
>Vatican.
> > >>
> > >> After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official
>whispers,
> > >>
> > >> "Your eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is
>prepared to
> > >> donate £100 million to the church if you change the Lord's
>Prayer from
> > >> 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day
>our daily
> > >> coffee'."
> > >>
> > >> The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the
>word of the
> > >> Lord, It must not be changed."
> > >>
> > >> Well," says the Nescafe man, "We anticipated your
>reluctance. For this
> > >> Reason, we will increase our offer to £300 million.
> > >> All we require is
> > >> that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day
>our daily
> > >> bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."
> > >>
> > >> Again, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For
>the prayer
> > >> is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
> > >>
> > >> Finally, the Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at
>Nescafe respect
> > >>
> > >> Your adherence to your faith, but we do have one final
>offer. We will
> > >> donate £500 million - that's half a billion quid - to the
>great
> > >>
> > >> Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer
>from 'Give
> > >> us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our
>daily coffee'.
> > >>
> > >> Please consider it." And he leaves.
> > >>
> > >> The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
>"There is
> > >> some Good news," he announces, "and some bad news.....
> > >>
> > >> The good news is that the Church will come into £500
>million."
> > >>
> > >> "And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
> > >>
> > >> "We're losing the Hovis Account."
> > >>
FOOTBALL CORNER
All time premiership points record
http://www.nufc.com/html/prem-all-time.html
random records
http://www.footballnetwork.org/dev/footballfun/records_premiership_records.asp
wikipedia prem stats
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premier_League
Mourinho's great escape
http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8652_2083734,00.html
FC United promoted
http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8652_2084300,00.html
ROOONEEYY
I thought I would have a link to the Roondogs goal, he has been a bit overshadowed this season but this goal sums up his ability to me, direct and powerful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfb22VgsWqg&mode=related&search=
ALAN BALL
http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8652_2086031,00.html
He was the youngest player of the 66 world cup winning team but you should read his whole history
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Ball%2C_Jr.
Soccer A.M - Yorkshire news - kes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxtf7pNhGlY&mode=related&search=
CLOSE IN CAMEL TOE
have a BBQ where ever you go
http://blog.scifi.com/tech/archives/2007/04/24/portable_grill.html
STUDENT LOANS
An interesting point for those people with student loans, although on the other hand students are lazy soap dodgers and the below was sent as reply when the petition email was sent
original email
For most unsuspecting graduates who are paying back their student loans, the inland revenue takes payments directly from your employer in the same way as they take tax. i.e. the more you earn the more you pay, this includes bonuses etc. However after taking monthly amounts the inland revenue does not pay this directly to the student loan company, instead they wait until the end of the financial year in April and then pay the entire year off to student loans.
The effect of this is that the inland revenue hold on to your monthly payments for up to a year earning themselves interest. During the same period, because student loans have not received these funds, they in turn charge the graduate interest on the outstanding amount even though it has been paid to the inland revenue.
bottom line is that for those in this position we pay interest to student loans on money which has been taken from our accounts which the inland revenue keeps and earns interest on
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/Student-loans/
CARTOONS
Dilbert
when 2 percent is bigger than 3 percent
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20070421.html
Perry Ship Bible
http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF215-Kitty_Photographer.jpg
http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF217-Magic_Eyes.jpg
ATOMIC WEDGIE
As a lot of people come to this blog looking for wedgies, I thought I should give the people what they want and what they want is wedgies but not just normal wedgies they want Atomic wedgies.
This clip is a good example of an Atomic wedgies as the pants (and very odd they are too) go right over the head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l570QMaQX5M
What I really like about this clip is the embarrassed talk by the people watching two grown men wrestling in the front room. Watch the food.
COLESHILL
For those of you who don't know I am moving job, my new place of work is situated in Coleshill, a small town just off Junction 4 of the M6. Here is a link to Wikipedia for some information on the place if you are interested
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coleshill,_Warwickshire
and here is another website
http://www.coleshillweb.co.uk/index.htm
Wikipedia never fails to astound me, type in any place in the uk and there is loads of facts on it, go on try it, you won't beat it.
NUMBER 73
it was a show on saturdays mornings!
do you remember, nope, well it seems only the Biscuit can remember
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4pIJw9NoTE
WORD OF THE WEEK
its one of my favourite words, although reality dictates it is rarely used, especially in the work place
Meritocracy
mer·i·toc·ra·cy [mer-i-tok-ruh-see]
| 1. | an elite group of people whose progress is based on ability and talent rather than on class privilege or wealth. |
| 2. | a system in which such persons are rewarded and advanced: The dean believes the educational system should be a meritocracy. |
| 3. | leadership by able and talented persons. |
]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meritocracy
GEEKS ON HEAT
BOFH time
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/20/bofh_episode_13/
FACTS ABOUT FARTS
this website is full of fart facts
http://www.heptune.com/farts.html
TALES OF MERE EXISTENCE
its a cool cartoon
HOW TO COPE WITH DEPRESSION
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FomroPMOKvg&mode=related&search=
TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4vD1Ets2OA&mode=related&search=
FILM ACTION- Anchorman
Achorman - sex panther
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7015vhthPkQ&mode=related&search=
AncherMan - Pants party
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8-VBQ8i1FQ&mode=related&search=
The fight scene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va2siioYqjc&mode=related&search=
Bloopers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W0PEDF22UU&mode=related&search=
MSN MADNESS
old ben kenobi says:
lunch goes so quickly
young ken bonobi says:
and work goes so slowly
young ken bonobi says:
its a cruel world
old ben kenobi says:
and then u die
young ken bonobi says:
something to look forward to I suppose
old ben kenobi says:
the sweet release of death
young ken bonobi says:
its okay if you are first to go
young ken bonobi says:
but if you are last it just gets more boring with less of your friends lefft
POKER REVIEW
I thought I would paste in the poker night review, to show you people out there what fun poker can be.
Due to Biscuit fuggling his brain with booze he forgot that he was hosting the poker night and realised he hadn't asked permission from the boss. So Andy stepped in and took up the hosting duties.
Winky and RobDJ dropped out so they were replaced by two more of the bromsgrove massive Dangerous Dave and Normski. Normski didn't seem to understand the "new boy" rules and kept winning through out the night. Although it was a bit off putting with Dangerous Dave telling us stories about his ex girlfriend used to live in Andy's house and there were rumours that he had "christened" every room.
like a man who has had a sex change, lets talk about big hands
AA Hosky hitting a set of aces to beat dangerous daves pair of aces, to take down a big juicy pot.
The Hosk a few hands later got dealt the Cowboys KK. He went to an all Ipswich affair with Amsterdam Rob versus Hoskinator . Rob was trying to bully Hosk off the pot but little did he know he was armed with two Kings.
The hand of the night was Tony Jonesy versus Normski Jonsey. the flop came down queen and two low cards but with two clubs on the board. Tony bets 2 quid, Normski calls, then it comes to the river, another club thuds down, two cautious checks. The final card is a dude. Then Normski goes all in for about three pound. Tony starts some heavy thinking, he shows the card to the west side of the table, he has two queens and one on the board means he has trips but does Normski have the flush. Finally after an age, Tony mucks the queens and Normski shows the flush.
The biscuit was like a roller coaster, his winnings going up and then going back down. He was cruising to a first place finish until he went up agaisn't TJ. Biscuit was playing the Jonsey special 2 3, although it was suited. He hit two pair on the flop, the jonsey was going to take down the jonsey. Biscuit went for a big raise but Jonsey hung on in there, the turn came down a 4. Another big bet from Biscuit, Jonsey calls after 10 hours of thinking and then the river comes down an Ace. What could Jonsey have. Biscuit puts in another bet and then Jonsey has the cheek to raise him. Biscuit had to see what he had and coughed up. Jonsey held Q4 and rivered a straight and won a big pot and was the top money earner of the night with biscuit dropping to 3rd by Mr Consistent - Hoskinator in second.
Normski came a good 4 with £3.50 up
Moseley, Andy and Rob were dealt no cards all night and mainly lost their money through pure frustration
And that ladies is all I can remember. Well there was one hand when Dangerous Dave went all in after just rebuying and then Tony called someone else and it ended up that Dave and Tony both had A Q and the other person lost.
profit points
JonesyT 12.8 10
Hoskinator 9.5 7
BiscuitBoy 8.4 5
Normski 3.5 3
AndyB -5.7 1
Dangerous_Dave -8.5 0
BigMo -10 0
AmsterdamRob -10 0
EMAIL JOKE
My Mum sent me this one and I'm afraid its a men bashing one, so this is for all the female fans of this blog, which is probably my girlfriend if she can be bothered to read it, which is pretty unlikely, so its for the women who end up on my blog searching for Trinny and Sussanee stuff. To even up the the Men versus Woman war I have a this power point slide called Man Of the year 2006 - http://www.dominikhuber.name/temp/man_of_the_year_2006.pps good work boys
------------------------------
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ANIMATION
MR HAPPY MEETS A CHAV
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/mr-happy-meets-chavs-p1.php
RETRO CARTOON
if you wondered why they made Team America then just watch this badboy, StarFleet. I like one of the comments on the youtube vid
"Proof at last!!! Now they will stop pointing and laffing, Its Real REAL I TOLD YOU!!"
I have this feeling all the time when talking about cartoons, you explain something to someone born in the 80's and it sounds insane
Here is how Mr C see's it
C says:
mad old puppets again
C says:
you're a marionette obsessive
young ken bonobi says:
it was the cartoon chosen by someone at work
C says:
wierdo
C says:
they from europe?
C says:
:D
young ken bonobi says:
no they live in Moseley
C says:
same thing!
C says:
hippy ville
young ken bonobi says:
perhaps I will go more tradational next week with danger mouse or something like that
an interesting article on someone drawing starfleet
http://www.sfxb.co.uk/origins/green.html
star fleet vid
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qf-YOcwF-E
launch sequence
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4q_TBYL6lg&mode=related&search=
more starfleet youtube
Dai X Junction and Battle from Star Fleet
starfleet ambush
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVnqPPdKD4g&mode=related&search=
DESCRIBE YOUR SEX LIFE USING STAR WARS QUOTES
http://forums.yesand.com/showthread.php?s=15fa46c854e5aae0cb3d135bd9f25bc0&t=6344
here are some of the highlights
A long time ago . . .
"Use force, Luke"
Would somebody get this walking carpet out of my way?!?!
easier than shooting banta's on Tantounie
Judge me by my size, do you?
You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.
And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
WEDGE: Look at the size of that thing!
RED LEADER: Cut the chatter, Red Two! Accelerate to attack speed. This is it, boys!
GOLD LEADER: Red Leader, this is Gold Leader.
RED LEADER: I copy, Gold Leader.
GOLD LEADER: We're starting for the target shaft now.
RED LEADER: We're in position. I'm going to cut across the axis and try and draw their fire.
I find your lack of faith... disturbing.
I am your father.
Moff Jerjerrod: He asked the impossible. I need more men.
That face you make... look I so old to young eyes?
You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!
She might not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.
DEFENDERS OF THE EARTH
A few searches for the cartoon defenders of the earth coming to this blog, so I thought it would be just and right to link to wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenders_of_the_Earth
check out the video
go and buy the dvd
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Defenders-Earth-Vol-Lou-Richards/dp/B0009B0YJW
ALTERNATIVE STAR WARS ENDINGS
Star wars
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LP3TkwvFHQ&mode=related&search=
Alternate Episode 2 Star Wars Ending
Star Wars Episode III Alternate Ending
Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back alternate ending
Star Wars EP3 - The Alternative Immolation Scene
while I was on youtube - rubbish - we just want see them fighting not dancing about on drainpipes on lava lakes. Bah they even manage to put some dreadful dialog in the final fight scene. You have failed me for the last time Lucas
The Final Battle - Darth Vader VS. Obi-Wan - Episode III
all 10 here - http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2007/04/10_things_5.shtml
highlights below
2. Only 3% of adults get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night.
More details
4. Female civil servants in India are questioned about their menstrual cycle as part of their appraisal.
More details
5. Complaints about noise pollution from households increased nearly five-fold between 1984/5 and 2004/5.
More details
7. The closest living relative to Tyrannosaurus rex is the chicken.
8. Skinheads in London preferred Levis jeans in the late 1970s, while in the Midlands they liked slightly wider, Wrangler ones.
More details
9. Kurt Vonnegut used to run a nappy-cleaning service.
10. There is no legal obligation for the MoD to compensate people disrupted by low-flying aircraft, due to a Royal Prerogative.
More details
Inhaling alcohol
http://vidshadow.com/video_player.asp?videoid=2078
video of drunken people
http://vidshadow.com/video_player.asp?videoid=1414
funny video montage
http://vidshadow.com/video_player.asp?videoid=1027
WHAT IS A BISCUIT
no not the person but the thing you dunk in cups of tea, no I said not the person
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/index.php3
The site is full of biscuity goodness
Biscuits we all love them don't we. But what exactly is a biscuit?
Biscuit comes from the french meaning twice-cooked but don't let that put you off, as the french don't really have a clue about making decent biscuits. Those dreadful Petit Beurre things that they knock out are really nasty. They sound like they are going to be really nice, like some sort of little buttery thing, but they're not. I've seen some where they put a big slab of chocolate on the top in an attempt to make them nice but it was all a bit wrong.
the site also answers the age old question is a Jaffa cake a biscuit? from the Jaffa Judgement section http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/jaffajudgement/
|
FAQ
Q. Are Jaffa cakes biscuits.
A. No, no the're not. Apart from being called cakes they obviously have a sponge base. Granted they appear to be some kind of luxury biscuit being chocolate covered and shipping in a box.
Q. Why are 'Nice' biscuits called that?
A. I don't know because they are possibly one of the nastiest biscuits ever, perhaps its sarcasm. Also if you are new to this site and are about to email me saying "Actually its because they are named after the town in the south of France" don't. They're not from there, nobody there has ever heard of them. Hop on an Easyjet flight get yourself down there and ask around, you'll get even blanker Gallic looks than usual. Back when they were invented Huntley and Palmer were knocking out over 450 sorts of biscuits, so naming new sorts of biscuits was probably a matter of just going through the phone book or index in the atlas. Anyhow I don't like them.
Q. Whats the best biscuit ever?
A. Well I would have to say the Abbey Crunch, see my page on this ground breaking oat based biscuit.
Q. Can something that is individually wrapped be biscuit.
A. Its pushing it isn't it.
Q. Whats the story with pink wafers?
A. Well they have dropped out of fashion, and rightly so as they are unpleasant at best. Wafers in general have had to move up into chocolate covered jobs like the Tunnocks wafer, or chocolate bars like the Kit Kat
The website has sections like Biscuit of the week and reviews every biscuit ever, here is the review of his fav biscuit, I give you the Abbey Crunch
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/previous.php3?item=1
This is for me a landmark biscuit. It lies at the edge of a dark age of sad miserable clear wrapped biscuits, and vibrant concept biscuits like the HobNob. Indeed with the Abbey Crunch which McVities refers to as "The Original Oat biscuit", one wonders if the HobNob would have been possible. The Abbey Crunch led the vanguard of these new biscuits not being afraid to have an almost sickening but not quite level of sugar.
Yet despite its eye catching trademark blue packet, the Abbey Crunch still dresses itself in tradition. Its very name suggests that monks had been knocking them out since the middle ages, therefore allowing my Nan to comfortably buy a packet in the mid Seventies a low point for biscuit innovation, and there by dazzle my formative biscuit palette.
Today the Abbey Crunch seems a little dated, its relatively small diameter, its ridiculously high sugar content. However, the thrill of a new packet of Abbey Crunch still remains one of the highlights of the biscuit world
MSN MADNESS
On the biscuit theme from above
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/index.php3
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
i like his distaste for some stuff
young ken bonobi says:
the abbey crunch is the best biscuit ever
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
hmnmm i'm not convienced
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
but we just got some "nice" biscuits
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
that were so cheap
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
there are 3 large grains of sugar per biscuit
young ken bonobi says:
in todays businesss society they will no doubt at some point try to rebrand the nice biscuit and give it some fancy advertising
young ken bonobi says:
NO NO NO
young ken bonobi says:
just leave them alone, they are fine as they are. Advertising isn't going to sell any more or less
young ken bonobi says:
just like mars bars
young ken bonobi says:
the tag line " a mars a day helps you work rest and play"
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
i know
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
people just know about them
young ken bonobi says:
is perfectly adequete
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
you buy one if you want one
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
coz of how they taste
young ken bonobi says:
there is no need to waste millions of pounds and coming up with
young ken bonobi says:
the pleasure you can't measure
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
you aren't going to introduce anyone to mars
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
as they are on every chocolate stand
young ken bonobi says:
exactly they are established
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
starburst
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
snickers
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
the list goes on
young ken bonobi says:
wasted money, no one eats more or less than when they were called Marathons or opal fruits
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
deffo
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
Royamail
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
Consomethinger
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
Royalmail again
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
genius!
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
I'll rename Dairy Milk
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
...Brown Block
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
Cadbury's Brown Block
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
it's brown blocks of chocolate
young ken bonobi says:
no they would name it something young and cool like
young ken bonobi says:
hipsters
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
yorkie will not have sold more by saying "no girls"
young ken bonobi says:
rocket bar
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
girls will not have rebelled and bought more
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
fat girls will still buy yorkie if that is there chosen diet
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
and truckers will still eat it
young ken bonobi says:
everyone is doing that now, McCoys
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
and they'll get sued
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
but Sheila's wheels won't
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
or Diamond
BULLSEYE
not the dog from OLIVER OLIVER but the 80's game show with Jim Bowen and which the whole of Peter Kay's act is based on
http://www.wedigtv.com/bullseye/
BUSH INDULGES IN AFRICAN DANCING
The quote on the side really made me laugh, indulges in African dancing, WHAT! You have to admire the fact he is taking the piss without laughing
"President George W Bush has indulged in some African-inspired dancing at a White House malaria awareness event."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/nol/newsid_6590000/newsid_6594200/6594211.stm?bw=bb&mp=rm
RETRO GAME
Cannon fodder, which has the title of War has never been so much fun
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1075560399001972892
the geekeest band in the world
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4391791407667940966
and here is a clip of the game cannon fodder
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=29772799710723471
Wikipedia link
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannon_fodder
a link to a free download
http://www.games4win.com/download/abandoned/cannon_fodder.exe
or if that doesn't work go here and download it
http://www.games4win.com/games/cannon-fodder/
Maths put to use of good
AMSTERDAM ROB MUSIC VIDEO'S
PUMP IT UP
it looks like Mr Motivator is there with some bright lycra shorts on and the woman looks like she is dress up like a prostitute
http://youtube.com/watch?v=c1F1HRJfOjk
take some more uppers and downers and get down
Altern 8 Acvtive 8
http://youtube.com/watch?v=mKyt4XwaAG0
prodigy - everybody in the place
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hGPibfYnB5c
Ant and Dec - lets get ready to rumble
http://youtube.com/watch?v=0qkoQ2t1C7c
wait a minute thats not them, I want PJ and Duncan
http://youtube.com/watch?v=td_qoFZmuAU
FUNNY STUFF FROM B3TA
If you have never been to the b3ta website or don't subscribe to their newsletter, what are you doing wasting your lives, get over there quick and join the revolution. If you need persuading, below is the stuffy you will find
junk tv 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXGBasyIpII&feature=PlayList&p=D3A5BEA663853DC6&index=16
advert junk advert 2
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Junt_co_uk_TV_part_2
iceland mashup
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35dgasi3sa0&feature=PlayList&p=D3A5BEA663853DC6&index=7
bacon machine
SUMMER SONG
BLUE SKY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Ncxw1xfck
LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN
Job Seekers - part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFOF9pANTrY
part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2_ci9ixVAk
part 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3uxP8EzEwc&mode=related&search=
part 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-do0urs0H4c
part 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_qi_BBa9vc
part 6
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bffAgHW9wic
part 7
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsDu45oGTR0&mode=related&search=
part 8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKsbqteWbe0&mode=related&search=
SPAM OF THE WEEK
what a cheek HornyMatches have rejected my application that I never made. I have to admire the reverse physiology approach of this spam, making you want to go to the site and make them take your email address
Dear HornyMatches.com Member,
Your profile was rejected by our review staff.
The reason was: The text in your profile is not descriptive enough
You can update your profile here: http://www.hornymatches.com/login.php?page=edit_profile.php
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AUTOMAN
young ken bonobi says:
what the fuck is automan
Gravy Wand says:
this geek programmer cop
Gravy Wand says:
creates a hologram
Gravy Wand says:
that comes to life
young ken bonobi says:
FEEL real
Gravy Wand says:
in like a blue grid mesh
Gravy Wand says:
then it becomes this dude
Gravy Wand says:
but he can turn into cars or bikes or allsorts
Gravy Wand says:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Automan
Gravy Wand says:
like a poor man's tron
Gravy Wand says:
in a series
Gravy Wand says:
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;oe=UTF-8&q=automan&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi
young ken bonobi says:
on a scale of one to 10 think of me as an eleven
young ken bonobi says:
he is a right smug bastard
MR C'S imminent wedding to the tune of star wars
This started off as an MSN madness but then I have grown it abit
Gravy Wand says:
less than 4 months to W Day!
Gravy Wand says:
:S
young ken bonobi says:
what walter really created was a wonderful force for good
young ken bonobi says:
the noose is tightening
young ken bonobi says:
the net is slowly coming down
Gravy Wand says:
*sweats*
young ken bonobi says:
I reckon it will be like when Luke goes to face vader in star wars
young ken bonobi says:
the emperor will be the vicar
young ken bonobi says:
just before leaving to go on the Stag do
Rennie Yoda : Told you, did he?
NealeWalker : Yes
Rennie Yoda : Unexpected this is, and unfortunate
NealeWalker Unfortunate that I know the truth?
Rennie Yoda : No! Unfortunate that you rushed to face her... that incomplete was your training. Not ready for the burden were you.
General Kirky : We have stolen a small Imperial shuttle. Disguised as a cargo ship, and using a secret Imperial code, a strike team will land on the moon and deactivate the shield generator.
C3PO : Sounds dangerous.
Sue Pollard [to Hosk] I wonder who they found to pull that off.
General Kirky : General Hosk Solo, is your strike team assembled?
Neale Walker : I'm endangering the mission. I shouldn't have come.
Hosk Solo : It's your imagination, kid. Come on. Let's keep a little optimism here.
Gill Vader meeting the vicar before the wedding
Gill Vader : He will come to me?
Vicar : I have foreseen it. His compassion for you will be his undoing. He will come to you and then you will bring him before me.
Gill Vader : As you wish.
Just before the wedding, NealeWalker waiting in for the bride
Hosk Solo : I have a really bad feeling about this.
Hosk Solo: Together again.
NealeWalker : Wouldn't miss it.
Hosk Solo : How we doin'?
NealeWalker : Same as always.
Hosk Solo : That bad, huh?
Hosk Solo : I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark blur, I see a big light blur.
NealeWalker : There's nothing to see. I used to live here, you know.
Hosk Solo : You're going to die here, you know. Convenient.
[Hosk Solo and ChewJacqui are reunited]
Hosk Solo : ChewJacqui! I can't see, pal. What's going on? NealeWalker? NealeWalker's crazy! He can't even take care of himself, much less rescue anybody. A Jedi Knight? I'm out of it for a little while, and everyone gets delusions of grandieur!
Hosk Solo : ChewJacqui and I will check it out, you two stay here.
NealeWalker : Quietly. There may be more of them out there.
Hosk Solo : Hey, it's me.
sounds that Gill Vader is approaching in the car
NealeWalker : Gill Vader's in that car.
Hosk Solo : Now don't get jittery, NealeWalker. There are a lot of command ships. Keep your distance, though, ChewJacqui, but don't look like you're trying to keeping your distance.
[ChewJacqui barks a question]
Hosk Solo : I don't know. walk casual.
Vicar (to NealeWalker): Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends, up there on the sanctuary moon, are walking into a trap, as is your Rebel fleet. It was *I* who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them. Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.
Gill : I find you lack of faith disturbing
Gill Vader : The Emperor has been expecting you.
NealeWalker : I know, father.
Gill Vader : So, you have accepted the truth?
NealeWalker : Soon I'll be dead, and you with me.
Vicar: [laughing] Perhaps you refer to the emminent shouting out of your friends when I say does anyone know why this marriage should take place? Yes, I assure you, we are quite safe from your friends here.
Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Vicar: Your faith in your friends is yours.
NealWalker: okay (puts on funny voice) this is not the groom you are looking for
Vicar : He must be allowed to speak.
Gill : You weak minded fool. He's using an old Jedi mind trick.
NealeWalker :(to Gill) you will not marry me and we will go back to the way we were living in sin
Gill : Your mind powers will not work on me boy.
vicar : you have to much faith in your friends to save young Nealewalker, you think your pathetic rebel alliance will beat the fully operation church
Vicar: join Gill in marriage just like your father married a woman before you
Vicar : Come, boy, see for yourself. From here, you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end of your insignificant rebellion.
[NealeWalkers's eyes go to his lightsabre]
Vicar You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more Gill Vaders servant.
NealeWalker : No.
Vicar : It is unavoidable. It is your destiny. You, like your father, will be married.
and then you will but GillVader will stop you with her lightsaber
NealeWalker : FATHER HELP ME
gill Vader : your father can't help you now
NealeWalker is hiding in the shadows and pillars of the church
Gill Vader : You cannot hide forever, NealeWalker.
NealeWalker : I will not fight you.
Gill Vader : Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for... beer. So, you have a liking for beer. Your feelings have now betrayed her, too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide beer from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side... then perhaps the beer will...
NealeWalker [igniting lightsabre]
[shouts, interrupting]
NealeWalker : Never!
NealWalker then rushes out trying to cut down gill
Vicar: If you will not be married, you will be destroyed.
[shoots Luke with Force lightning]
young ken bonobi says:
and then you will give up your futile rebellion
young ken bonobi says:
and get happily married
Gravy Wand says:
cool
young ken bonobi says:
but little does gill know you have a twin sister
Gravy Wand says:
send that script to Gill
Gravy Wand says:
who i snogged!?
young ken bonobi says:
and some small furry friends, a mate called golden rod, hand solo, chewie, Lando, Admiral Akbar waiting to one day un freeze you from Jabba palace
Gravy Wand says:
that's the divorce
young ken bonobi says:
if she looks like Jabba, its time to smuggle yourself in cargo hatches of the Millinum falcon
Gravy Wand says:
once you put the carbonite ring on their finger
Gravy Wand says:
you're trapped
young ken bonobi says:
this is what I think of marriage
young ken bonobi says:
Han Solo: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
Trim bottom anyone
END OF LINE
well there you go, what an action packed episode, I can imagine you are all there clapping at your computer at this blogs fine performance, well right back at ya and just you remember, if the Scatman can do it so can you.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Amusing IT Stories - Episode 22 - Terrahawks stay on this channel
Well the blog went over 10000 view 3 weeks ago, although most of these are probably people for searching for Awooga, hanging wedgies and Gillian McKeiths poo chart. still beggers can't be choosers. If you type in amusing stories I am currently on the 4th page of the google search, which isn't too bad.
Some people also leave comments on my blog, not very many people I have to admit but that's no the point. This was my favourite comment
"Thanks Hosk! You made my Friday more manageable, I really digged the girl doing the shit in the jaquzi!! lol" This was on episode 11 I think if you want to go back and check it out.
Here is a teaser for this weeks Retro cartoon
In a bid for my blog to move up the rankings when you type in amusing stories into Google, I am going to put it in this weeks blog, so if you like amusing stories and want to read amusing stories then this is the place to come and read real life and made up amusing stories. I was on the 4th page of Google search but surely after mention amusing stories enough times in this blog it will push me the Google league rankings. I suppose I should make sure I put in one with capitals like this Amusing Stories or Amusing stories, which leaves only amusing Stories left
FINISH SINGING
I don't really know what the hell this is but Mr C sent it in and its mildly interesting/odd. It sounds like some pop songs in the charts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjvVBCNcL_A
CAMEL TOE
Don't you hate when you mum embarrasses you like this, MWAHAHAHAA. Look at the poor lad he can't even look his mum in the eye he is that embarrased.
STAR WARS QUOTES
I thought I would throw in with some tasty Star wars quotes from IMDB.com just because I love em
Obi-Wan: He's more machine now than man; twisted and evil.
Moff Jerjerrod: Lord Vader, this is an unexpected pleasure. We are honored by your presence...
Darth Vader: You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I'm here to put you back on schedule.
Moff Jerjerrod: I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can.
Darth Vader: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.
Moff Jerjerrod: The Emperor's coming here?
Darth Vader: That is correct, Commander. And, he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.
Moff Jerjerrod: We shall double our efforts.
Darth Vader: I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.
Sent in by the Herbo and is If your parents drink too much.
CLASSIC INTERNET CLIP
the way of the exploding whale. American clear up a rotting whale carcus the only way Americans know how, with dynamite.
http://www.youtube.
SPAM OF THE WEEK
it comes in with the subject title,
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BARRY HOSKMANS FILM REVIEW
do do do do doooooooo do do do, do do do do dododododododo
I wrote it but then forgot to add, until now.
I will start off the review by saying I am a fan of spaced which Simon Pegg wrote. Pegg also wrote and stared in Shaun of the Dead which I thought was a bit over rated but was still amusing but which I felt wasn't as funny as spaced. Anyway enough of the past and on with the present
Hot Fuzz
A quick summary is that its a piss take of cop movie with Maverick cops (i.e. american cop movie/series) but also mixed in with some sunday murder mysteries and making fun of small English towns. Add a load of action and guns all over the shop. All of which creates a recipe for lots of small jokes weaved around the main plot. The movie even finds time for a bit of a personal voyage for the two main characters.
Any who seen Simon Pegg on tv knows where every the Pegg is, Nick Frost shall also be found and this movie is no difference. Not to question Nick Frost's acting and humour because he is very funny and he is probably the most amusing thing in the film and he also has a writting credit so fair play to the big man.
unlike a lot of American comedy films there is a lot of humour to laugh at and they don't have to have a good looking person doing this and a lame story just to please the backers. There are lots of funny scenes and lots of spot the british actor, weren't they in the Bill, she was in Spaced etc etc. Its a good film without being a brilliant one, the story takes a bit of time to get going and there are a few scenes which could have been taken out but probably left in because a few people would find them funny. There are a lot of good jokes and a few rubbish ones. The action scene at the end was good for the first 5 minutes but then 20 minutes later and they are still running and shooting I was getting a bit bored.
The plot is not as straight forward as first meets the eye and I was a bit fearful at the start with maverick cop routine but it soon slips off into a small town and the maverick cop kicking out underage drinkers etc.
Overall I think it is a good film and better than most of the films in the cinema shown this year. It would be a good DVD to watch me thinks.
I would give it 7 out of 10.
YOUTUBE VIDEOS
How to do nothing at work and get paid
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYgtUvgYi8U
Will Ferrell as Dubya on global warming
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxpEqln5EdQ&mode=related&search=
more Will Ferrell as Dubya bush
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkqrI3IibYI&mode=related&search=
More
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcvy1MFTF5U&mode=related&search=
the real thing, top 10 Bush moments
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vtfmQ5Audg&mode=related&search=
How to break up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfl9e53LX_U
if you don't know what a camel toe is then this picture should tell you everything, look closely. I have never ever seen a camel toe in real life
GAME OF THE WEEK
The excellently titled - Golden Arrow II
http://wickedgoodgames.com/flash3/ga2.html
DONT GET KRANKY ABOUT IT
I tell you, if my bird kept dressing up as a Scottish school girl in public and acting up, she would be dumped. The last thing I would do is make it into a stage act
nicely summed up
4 Day Weekend (H) says:
what sick mind dresses up their wife as a small boy
4 Day Weekend (H) says:
and instead of keeping it behind closed curtains/doors
4 Day Weekend (H) says:
takes the show on the road!
HMMMM INTERESTING
fat girls are never described as wearing panties, only sexy fit birds wear those???
LONELY GIRL
I don't really know what this is about but its a lonely girl talking about her first kiss.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kd15ku_BVR0&mode=related&search=
training hard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntH21YTiI6E&mode=user&search=
losing my religon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTHNHc8rsZY&mode=user&search=
APL - A PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE
in my first job when I become a big boy and left school (university) I had to work on a helpdesk fixing bugs in a programming language called APL, it was complete gibberish
check it out
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/APL_programming_language
WIKIPEDIA IS ACE
look at all the facts on IPSWICH TOWN football club and it has a ridiculous amount of information on each individual player. Check you team out on their.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ipswich_Town_F.C.
MIDGET BREAK DANCING
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Kz1dn5OqZho
LEGEND CORNER - RICHARD O'Brien
I think everyone has to have a bit of admiration in Richy O'Brien, he wrote the Rocky Horror picture show, presented the crystal maze and good lord he is 65, check out his myspace
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=80385426
THE WORST SHOT EVER
The Flat Liner
http://www.cocktailmaking.co.uk/displaycocktail.php/122-Flatliner
HOW THINGS USED TO BE ON THE WEB
http://web.archive.org/web/19990117032727/http://www.google.com/
http://web.archive.org/web/19990117033828/http://www2.microsoft.com/
http://web.archive.org/web/19991128174119/nintendo.com/home/index.html
http://web.archive.org/web/19990125102227/www.playstation-europe.com/
http://web.archive.org/web/19990117074053/http://www.apple.com/index.html
http://web.archive.org/web/19990117032727/http://www.google.com/
http://web.archive.org/web/19990125091051/http://netscape.com/
http://web.archive.org/web/19990125093146/www.altavista.com/
BISCUIT DOODLE
STILL HAVENT FOUND WHAT THEIR LOOKING FOR
wedgie chasers war on everything
pbfcomics archive pbf093ad cave explorer jpg
sex stories
leprechaun rap i'll bring me sick
granmas who sits in the same chair
anus blowout
Musashi Miyamoto caught fly with chopsticks
amusing history telephone stories
hardknox fire like this mp3
disable covenant eyes
gag "on cock" .blogspot.com
hedgehog ilnesses
liverpool rappin paper
Doug Burns Mister Universum Bodybuilder
wedgie techniques
internet+download+criminal+offence+spanking
rambo
defenders of the earth mp3 main title theme
conkers bankcharges
JAY KAY HEADBUTTED BY REPORTER
Cartoons of Angry Dads
download, elvis laughing on do you gaze at your bald head
how does giant arum help in slimming
hot dog jumping through alberquerque
DELBOY FRENCH SAYINGS
hearts on fire big desire lyrics rocky
aussie 32C boobs
capt lovejoy of the SS myspace
graphs of monster energy drinks sold in stores
MR C's NEWSROUND
http://news.
does he pay taxes here? no
how much does he donate to charity from u2 ipod sales? fook all
he's first up against the wall with sting come the revolution!
There were links to articles on the tax-dodging bastard's tax-dodging in Popbitch a few weeks ago, Jim.
Anyway:
The rock star and campaigner, 46, is not entitled to be called "Sir" because he is not a British citizen. He said: "You have permission to call me anything you want except Sir." But he did suggest alternatives: "Lord of lords, your demi-godness," he joked.
I've got an alternative title for him: Fucking Wanker. Well ahead of Sting in the c$ntiness stakes now.
Masterbating woman disturbs students
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2269443.html
Girl bits hamburger
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2270809.html
gruesome April fools joke
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2270704.html?menu=news.quirkies
Keith Richards snorted his dad
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6524661.stm
Outspoken Conservative MP Boris Johnson has been criticised for labelling Portsmouth as a city full of drugs and obesity.
http://news.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6569657.stm
and no doubt it makes it taste better and the world seem a better place
HOW DO YOU MAKE A KEYBOARD GO FASTER
yes I know this sounds like a joke but DAS KEYBOARD II is no joke. Take the all the letters off and your brain doesn't have to think which means faster keyboarding. Of course if you can touch type you don't look at the keyboard
I seriously don't know if its a joke or not
HOSK INVESTIGATES
Yahoo have an amusing answers website
where people ask rather odd questions, try it. Anyway whilst think of something stupid to write in I saw this
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AigzpmpPMca5rLQLbNn.lyzaxQt.?qid=20070417181150AAQvRIm
In order to make sure it never "goes bad", how often should I change the condom in my wallet?
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
The condom can be there for about 6 months as long as it is not exposed to direct sun light or something hot... or has been in a very cold weather that the lube froze.
A NEW DANCE
The Chicken noodle soup dance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmdF1r8rjJ0
THE GREAT TENNESSEE MARIJUANA CAVE
This is brilliant, it is a secret lab with a gateaway hatch which leads to a hydraulic rock, how cool is that. They were growing over 500 plants
http://www.onmarijuana.com/2007/04/03/the-great-tennessee-marijuana-cave/
SO YOU THINK YOU ARE HARD
well watch these sporting injury clips and you will be crying like a baby. We have broken legs, EYES BEING POKED OUT, knees popping, feet facing the wrong way.
I would seriously recommend not watching these videos if you are even a little bit squiemish and a wasp coming into the room makes you run about screaming. Instead enjoy his descriptions of the injuires. He says things like you can't see how bad the injury really is but just listen to her scream. Its on the list but I don't recommend watching it (thats the eye poper). He is the list from the link above
1. Redskins QB Joe Theismann suffers broken right leg: This is the granddaddy of gruesome sports injuries. Lawrence Taylor's reaction is unforgettable.
2. Alabama WR Tyrone Prothro suffers broken left leg: The interesting thing about this clip is that the cameraman actually shoots a close-up of Prothro's leg. One thing you'll notice in most of the following clips is that the announcers usually tell the cameramen to turn away.
3. Dodgers pitcher Kaz Ishii gets hit in face with line drive: This isn't as nasty as when Red Sox pitcher Bryce Florie got hit with a liner, but it will still make you cringe. Make sure you stay with the clip and watch the "demonstration" that takes place afterward.
4. Villanova guard Allen Ray gets his right eye poked out: This is just nasty. While it's on my list, I don't recommend watching it.
5. Sabres goalie Clint Malarchuk gets his neck cut by skate: This is probably the worst injury, but luckily you can't see it. There's a collision and then some blood. But that's more than enough. The announcers' reactions are a must-listen.
6. Mets outfielders Mike Cameron and Carlos Beltran viciously collide: The amazing thing about this play is that Beltran only missed a week of action. Cameron ended up with a broken jaw and broken nose.
7. Celtics guard Tony Allen suffers torn ACL: This get filed under the "bizarre" category. Allen attempted a dunk after play was whistled dead and then blew out his knee. He's out for the season.
8. Tennis player Mary Pierce ruptures her ACL: You can't really see how bad the damage is to Pierce's knee, but just listen to her scream.
9. Wrestler Sid Vicious suffers broken left leg: Wrestling may be fake, but this injury is not.
10. Miami running back Willis McGahee suffers broken left leg: Helmet on knee. Nothing more needs to be said. If you're not queasy after viewing these clips, let me know which one you think is the most gruesome. And let me know if I've left any out. One thing to remember, though: There has to be a YouTube clip of the injury.
VELCRO
This week someone came into the office wearing Velcro shoes, we mercilessly ripped the piss out of him. He did have a sort of excuse that he broke his toe but I was still suppicious that he had a pair of velcro shoes just waiting for the day he broke his foot
anyway I thought I would investigate how Velcro came about - http://www.velcro.co.uk/cms/History.6.0.html?&L=0
1941: The beginning
 | |
 |
The story of the discovery of hook and loop fasteners begins with George de Mestral taking a walk through the countryside.
The Swiss engineer enjoyed hunting. One morning in 1941, while returning from the fields with his dog, he noticed how difficult it was to detach the flowers of the mountain thistle from his trousers and his dog’s fur.
Surprised at the tenacity of the flowers, he removed them carefully from his clothing so that he could observe them under a microscope. It was then that he discovered why they clung on so ardently: the flowers were covered in hundreds of tiny but strong hooks and where thus able to attach themselves to animal fur and fabric.
George de Mestral, an experienced inventor, was able to see the potential of this discovery and developed it into an idea that, with much time and effort, would become a revolutionary fastening system that never jammed, and whose simplicity and strength superseded all previous systems.
Created from the first syllables of the French words velours (loop) and crochet (hook), the VELCRO® brand name has since 1959 been given to an extensive range of products that have greatly simplified fastening and closure operations
BAD LYRICS
MY HUMPS
Can you imagine how "ironic" it would be if Alanis Morrissette sang a slow serious version of my humps, I mean that would probably be more ironic than getting a million spoons when all you wanted was a knife. Here it is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abGQ_ehWm2Y
this version is better, watching Fergie bumping and grinding
anyway how here are the lyrics from the black eyed peas
"My Humps"
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)
I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly
Brother I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating.
My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you,
She's got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)
I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Let's spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.
They say I'm really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin' at my lump, lump.
You can look but you can't touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don't pull on my hand boy,
You ain't my man, boy,
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,
And move my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin' got you,
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon' do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I'ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.
(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha) [x4]
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.
[Will.i.am]
So real [x17]
RETRO CARTOON - TERRAHAWKS
TERRAHAWKS
it took me a while to work out the spelling. This used to be one of those sunday puppet shows. I think they had a games of noughts and crosses at the end. It's in the captain scarlet wobbly puppet style of show. It's pure 80's and its bloody brilliant. As soon as you hear the music, you know you are safe
Terrahawks stay on this channel
if you don't know what I'm on about then I shall refer to this nice bit of text from here http://www.terrahawks.org.uk/
buy the dvd
the wikipedia site
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terrahawks
anyway I know what you lot are thinking blah blah blah, are you going to bark all day or are you going to link to some youtube clips
terrahawks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvKMRmvl9JI
six minute clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDKlDkYXdTI&mode=related&search=
terrahawks 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBfkfm9T0iY&mode=related&search=
POWER OF PAINT
Hats off to Big Mo for the power of paint this week. It took a record 1 minute and 15 seconds and looks a little bit like a turd staring up at you from the toilet. I will have to give you a clue for this one, it is my favourite character from a film with Tom Hanks in.
WORK EMAIL
AMERICANS NOOOOOO
Mr C was reading the beeb about the crazy student and this was a response from an idiot american.
from the beeb:
To Europeans: Thank you for your messages of condolences, but please, keep your criticism to yourselves. Remember Beslan school massacre in Russia (almost 400 dead) and that school shooting in Germany with 18 dead?. What good did your gun control laws do on both tragedies?. Fix your own house first before critisising ours.
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States
HOW TO LESSEN THE HANGOVER
You could drink one pint of water for every alcoholic drink but no one in the right mind is going to do that, so the only to get around the problem is drink booze that doesn't give you such a bad head, click the link to learn more. The main tactic is to drink clear spirits
http://www.calwineries.com/learn/wine-and-health/hangover/alcoholic-drinks
FILMWAD
Think of the worst dvd covers, that's it can you seem them in the mind eye area of your brain. click this link and see dvd covers much worse than yours.
FIRST DANCE AT WEDDING
Thriller ?!?!
I quite like the way the groom just gets in front of the bride and is deadly serious whist trying to get all the moves right
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPmYbP0F4Zw
OLD FUNNY WORK EMAIL
>There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally,
>and by hand. This virus is called
>Worm-Overload-Recreational
>
>If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone
>else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your
>private life completely.
>
>If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take
>two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote
>known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer
>Bothersome-Employer-Eliminatio
>
>Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated
>from your system.
>
>You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5
>friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your
>life.
SICK DAY - HOW TO
Not that many people I have worked with need a how to on the subject but for those people who soldier on
http://www.wikihow.com/Call-in-Sick-When-You-Just-Need-a-Day-Off
How to Call in Sick When You Just Need a Day Off
Everyone needs the occasional unscheduled day of leisure. Here is how to get yours without raising suspicions at work.
Steps
- Find a quiet place to make the phone call.
- Call your boss.
- Keep the excuse short and to the point and credible.
- Cough a few times if necessary, or speak in a raspy voice for added effect. However, speaking somewhat slowly will probably work better!
- Get off the phone as quickly as possible.
Tips
- Excellent choices are severe headache or stomach ailment, as they are common ailments, don't need medical intervention, and you won't have to fake other symptoms (stuffy nose, cast, rash, etc.) to cover up.
- If work calls home, and you were out at the beach/shopping/with your lover/etc., call back work and say you were: going to the pharmacy, or you were sleeping or finally stopping throwing up long enough to call.
- A good tactic is to stay short and concise, and then put in just one extra detail. Example: "I'm really sick. It started last night and I've been throwing up ever since." Don't get too detailed. For example, don't say "I'm really sick. It started at 12:37 and I've been throwing up ever since."
- If you can, call your boss's voice mail or send him an e-mail rather than speaking with him or her directly. This avoids the possibility of questions and awkward advice that often trips up the caller. Also, be sure to know the voicemail system prompts. There isn't always an option to erase and re-record your message if you mess up.
- If you do speak to someone in person, provide details. Avoid a comprehensive diagnosis like "I've got the flu". If you describe symptoms such as congestion, coughing, fever, etc., the person is more likely to believe you. They'll probably also decide to get off the phone as soon as possible.
- A good modern way is to pre-write an SMS (text message) the night before. You can then wake up in the morning, send the SMS, then go straight back to sleep! This looks like you've made the effort to get up early (or been up all night vomiting!) and reduces the amount of "up time" if you're after a good sleep in!
- Make the phone call early in the morning if possible, when your voice is still rough with sleep. This will give you some added credibility.
- For an added effect, bend over your toilet while pressing your forearm into your stomach so you begin to sound like your stomach is really being affected by whatever you are calling about. (Usually this would make you sound like you just finished vomiting.)
- If your "affliction" is embarrassing, your boss is more likely to want to hang up the phone and let you get on with it - diarrhea is the classic example of this.
- Another added effect is to take in a bit of water through your nose. Put your nose under a running faucet and take a shallow breath through your nose. It's uncomfortable for a short period but effectively gives you the sniffles for 2-3 minutes. This is long enough for you to make a convincing call to your boss and then proceed with your day off. For a less uncomfortable version, pop a piece of cotton wool up one nostril to sound bunged up.
- It's a good idea to mention in passing how you are feeling a little sick the day before and feeling better when you return to work.
- If you go to the beach on your day off, don't forget the sunscreen. Showing up to work the next day looking like a lobster can be embarrassing, not to mention incriminating.
- Keep an eye out for other people who have been sick at work and use the 'I must have gotten it from Jim in Accounting.' excuse.
- If you want to get multiple days off, pick a good illness: a migraine or a bad case of gastro can get you off for two or more days, as they can carry on for a long time and pop up at any time. Research the illness if you're very dedicated to avoiding work. Ask friends for the symptoms of the bad (real) illnesses they've had over time.
- Do not "schedule" a sick day in advance. If your boss finds out that you let people know two weeks ago that you were going to be sick today, you could lose your job.
- Lie in bed on your back with your head over the side. Let the blood rush to your head. After a few minutes, this position makes you sound very stuffy and just not yourself.
- Go to work when you're really sick, so your boss will not think you're faking when you decided to play sick to get out of working.
- If you live with a housemate or wife, ask them (nicely) to make the phone-in-sick-call and tell them to explain you are too ill to get to the phone.
- Be sure not to use "if I feel better, I'll try to come in after lunch." He will know you won't and will immediately know you're lying.
Good Examples
- "Morning. I'm not going to be in today. I was up all last night sick. My stomach feels terrible."
- "I won't be in today, I am not feeling well."
- "I've spent the last 24 hours either in bed or in the bathroom. I don't think I should go to work today."
Warnings
- Be careful where you go on your sick day. If you're caught shopping for shoes near your workplace by your co-worker or boss, you're in trouble. to be
- It's important that your boss thinks you are sick in your bed. Blaring music or a loud TV can destroy that image as thoroughly as thousands of screaming fans at a football game. If you're outside the house, calling from your car might be the quietest place you can manage. Make sure the engine and AC is off.
- Long rambling messages are to be avoided. When lying, you are tempted to embellish. Don't. When calling in sick, less is more. The old standbys of headaches/migraines, stomach issues/flu, cold, all work because we've all been through them.
- Be sure not to overdo the sick sounds when you leave a message. Managers often forward the most ridiculous-sounding messages and you can become quite infamous among the management team.
- Be careful when using the cold as a sickness because you don't want to show up to work the next day all clear. The cold is best used when you actually have one, but its just not bad enough to warrant staying home and you want to anyway. That way when you arrive the next day you still have some signs of it.
- Calling in sick without being sick is best done for one day (or possibly two days in a row). Longer than that may require a note from your doctor.
- Don't come back to work the next day with a suntan, pictures, stories, etc. If you share what you have done with your co-workers, they may turn on you and tell your boss. Worse, they may steal all of your good excuses.
- Do not use an excuse about someone in your family dying because the boss can find out for sure and you will be caught in a lie. This will make you less credible to your boss when someone really does die.
- Try not to call in "sick" on too many Mondays or Fridays - extended weekends tend to stick out in the minds of bosses and co-workers. Calling out on the occasional Tuesday is more credible. Also, do not make a habit of taking leave on important days like the day the team needs to work extra time to meet the deadline. This will make yourself less credible among the team and boss.
- Some phones allow you the option to "send text message later"; note that this option doesn't always work! Don't rely on it.
- When you first come back, move slowly, rub your eyes and be a little rumpled. This will reinforce the idea that you are a trooper, working when you feel bad, rather than a slacker.
RUBBISH SICKIE EXCUSE
sent in by text
I can't come in today, I've lost my voice
WORK JOKE EMAIL
if you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (hardly seems worth it.)
if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (now that's more like it!)
the human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (o.m.g.!)
a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (in my next life, i want to be a pig.)
a cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. .. (creepy.) ...( i'm still not over the pig )
banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (don't try this at home, maybe at work)
the male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. the female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (honey, i'm home. what the...?!)
the flea can jump 350 times its body length. it's like a human jumping the length of a football field. ( 30 minutes..lucky pig! can you imagine? )
the catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (what could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
some lions mate over 50 times a day. ( i still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity )
butterflies taste with their feet. (something i always wanted to know.)
the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (hmmmmmm......)
right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (if you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing)
a cat's urine glows under a black light. (i wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
an ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (i know some people like that.)
starfish have no brains (i know some people like that too.)
polar bears are left-handed. (if they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (what about that pig??)
now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle. in other words, send it to everyone ! (and god love that pig)
WHAT WOULD YOU PUT ON A DARTBOARD
http://www.180thingsihate.co.uk/
A load of artists were asked to stick the thing they hate most in a dartboard
THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN
here are a number of clips featuring the league of gentlemen and their various characters
good old pops
http://www.leagueof
Orange juice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GgB_zwqEn4
Hello DAVE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx4NkENJcX4
Tubbs and Edward and the policeman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOtpgz4L5d8&mode=related&search=
the tortoise
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJzL_wyMahU&mode=related&search=
Mr Foot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnKVtbQMVgs
Mr Foot again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNuDlrSMneE
The Dentons
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u5UWlh_MEM
CARTOON TIME
appropriate term
10 things we didn't know last week
all of them can be found here - http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2007/03/10_things_we_didnt_know_last_w_19.shtml
2. Drinking, drug-taking teenagers are in the decline, according to a survey by the Information Centre.
More details
3. The average water temperature of the UK's rivers and lakes is 5C in winter, 18C in summer.
5. The average duvet is home to 20,000 live dust mites.
More details
7. Having a baby can cost you up to two months sleep in the first year.
More details
8. Chimps and bonobos differ from humans by only 1% of DNA and could accept a blood transfusion or a kidney.
More details
10. Dogs can seemingly perform the Heimlich manoeuvre – a technique for helping someone who is choking.
More details
Leprechaun rapping
the original lep in da hood
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlufxatPxnA
Leprechaun gimme da gold rap video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZfyrIPw3wY
rap 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyvhDgTmsos
what a movie trailor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbhJtTz2mzE&mode=related&search=
AMSTERDAM ROB
white chicks and gang signs
INTERNET DAD JOKE
> >
> > MY SAD WORLD
> > >I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment and I decided life would be
> > more fun if I had a pet.
> > >
> > >So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted to buy
> > an unusual pet.
> > >
> > >After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede which came in
> > a little white box to use for as its house.
> > >
> > >I took the box home, found a good location for it, and decided I
> > would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink.
> > >
> > >I asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down the
> > Queen's Head with me and have a beer? But there was no answer.
> > >
> > >This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked
> > him again,"How about going to the pub for a drink?"
> > >
> > >Again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet. So, I
> > waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
> > >
> > >I decided to ask him one more time; this time putting my face up
> > against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would
> > you like to go to the Queen's Head and have a drink with me?" A
> > little voice came out of
> > >the box:.......................
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Wait for it...its worth it!!!!
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > >
> > >
> > >I heard you the first time! I'm putting my ****ing shoes on
QUOTES OF THE WEEK
The Commander (Pa Hosk) - you are reading to much, don't you think you are wasting your life
Ma Hosk - what do you think I should be doing now at 7 in the morning
The Commander - you could be doing important things instead of wasting your life reading
Ma Hosk - like what
The Commander - like making my breakfast
what your usual toe - dont take it hospital son - they will never have seen toes quite like yours before
(a girl walks by in a tight pair of trousers) That girl was a mumbler, I could see her lips moving but I couldn't quite make out what she was saying
operation - observation says:
he should be thrashed with a wet fish
Velcro shoes says:
exactly
operation - observation says:
and made to eat grass until he can wee milk
The Bird : I walked over to talk to this woman and when I got there they were talking about having their bikini line waxed. One of them was saying you just want a small landing strip, no more. Then the other one said well it all depends on the Jumbo coming in to land, HOHOHOHOHO. Then they said I was blushing but I was just hot.
FOOTBALL CORNER
Riise declared bankrupt
http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8652_2027257,00.html
scots hide scarfs under wembly turf
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2269369.html
football 365 quotes of the week
http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8750_2037732,00.html
Football 365 - cheeky saturday punts
http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8750_2074457,00.html
Someone wants Leeds to beat the drop
http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8742_2075992,00.html
HOSK INVESTIGATES
The origin of April fools from wikipedia of course
Origin
The origin of this custom has been very much disputed. Many theories have been suggested. What seems certain is that it is in some way or other a relic of those once universal festivities held at the vernal equinox, which, beginning on old New Year's Day, the 25th of March, ended on the 2nd of April.
Chaucer's story, the Nun's Priest's Tale, written c.1400, takes place "thritty dayes and two" from the beginning of March, that is, 1 April; it is Chanticleer and the Fox, a story of two fools. Though the 1st of April appears to have been anciently observed in Great Britain as a general festival, it was apparently not until the beginning of the 18th century that the making of April-fools was a common custom. In Scotland the custom was known as "hunting the gowk," i.e. the cuckoo, and April-fools were "April-gowks," the cuckoo being there, as it is in many countries, a term of contempt.
It has been suggested that Europe derived its April-fooling from the French.[2] French and Dutch references from 1508 and 1539 respectively describe April Fools' Day jokes and the custom of making them on the first of April. France was one of the first nations to make January 1 officially New Year's Day (which was already celebrated by many), by decree of Charles IX. This was in 1564, even before the 1582 adoption of the Gregorian calendar (See Julian start of the year). Thus the New Year's gifts and visits of felicitation which had been the feature of the 1st of April became associated with the first day of January, and those who disliked or did not hear about the change were fair game for those wits who amused themselves by sending mock presents and paying calls of pretended ceremony on the 1st of April. In France the person fooled is known as poisson d'avril. This has been explained as arising from the fact that in April the sun quits the zodiacal sign of the fish. The French traditionally celebrated this holiday by placing dead fish on the backs of friends. Today the fish has been replaced with paper cut-out.
The Dutch celebrate the 1st of April for other reasons. In 1572, the Netherlands were ruled by Spain's King Philip II. Roaming the region were Dutch rebels who called themselves Geuzen, after the French "gueux", meaning beggars. On 1 April 1572, the Geuzen seized the small coastal town of Den Briel. This event was also the start of the general civil rising against the Spanish in other cities in the Netherlands. The Duke of Alba, commander of the Spanish army could not prevent the uprising. Bril is the Dutch word for glasses, so on 1 April, 1572, "Alba lost his glasses". Dutch people find this joke so hilarious they still commemorate the first of April.
The phobic name for the fear of April Fools' Day is Aphrilophobia. See also Tetraphobia.
and here is a list of the top 100 april fools jokes
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/
here are my favourites in the top 10
In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best." Check out the actual broadcast archived on the BBC's website (You need the RealVideo player installed to see it, and it usually loads very slowly). -More-
In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, all viewers could now quickly and easily convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen, and they would begin to see their favorite shows in color. Stensson then proceeded to demonstrate the process. Reportedly, hundreds of thousands of people, out of the population of seven million, were taken in. Actual color tv transmission only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.
In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called up the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed that it was all a practical joke a few hours later. The best line inspired by the affair came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale, and he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial. -More-
In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement in honor of the tenth anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology. The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that then gripped the British tabloids in the following decades.
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
This was on TV last sunday and I hadn't seen it since I was an ankle biter. It was actually pretty good, directed by Wes Craven. The music is fantastically 80's and reminds me a bit of the goonies. Looking on IMDB it was filmed in 1984. I was shocked to see Johnny Depp in the film as a young faced victim. Overall it has some tremendously rubbish bits but most of the film is pretty good, the plot is and dream idea is original and keeps you wondering whats going to come next and how its going to end. The horror bits added in just because Wes Craven had the idea are great, goo steps in the stairs, a razer glove, bring dragged into the bath, beds eating people and a the chick picking up the unplugged phone only for freddy to say I'm your boyfriend now and a tongue coming out of it and licking her.
wikipedia link - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087800/
trivia - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087800/trivia
Director Wes Craven claims to have named Freddy Krueger after a kid who bullied him in school and to have based his appearance on a disfigured hobo who scared him as a youth.
Nancy watches to stay awake is The Evil Dead (1981). She isn't watching a random clip, but rather the theatrical trailer
here is the nightmare on elm street trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Adgp0v_mfTk
who is fred kruger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yy4QkYg4Os&mode=related&search=
a tribute to the film
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3crDAigNurg&mode=related&search=
A tribute to Freddy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgOx7-z-lmg
I was wondering about the history of Freddy - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddy_Krueger
Origin
Amanda Krueger
Krueger's backstory begins with an incident involving his mother in the early 1940s. During a Christmas holiday, a young nun named Sister Mary Helena (a.k.a. Amanda Krueger) was trapped inside the Westin Hills psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane. There she was raped and tortured numerous times by the patients confined there. Later she was found, close to death and now pregnant. After a breech birth, Frederick Charles Krueger was born and given up for adoption.
Kruger was placed with an abusive alcoholic named Mr. Underwood (portrayed by Alice Cooper in Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare) who abused him physically and emotionally. As a teenager, Freddy exhibited sociopathic behavior, which included killing small animals. He was often ridiculed by peers. In his late teens, Freddy would practice sadomasochism, and would also practice self-mutilation, he would later murder Underwood.
Freddy kills Loretta in front of young Kathryn.
Later in adulthood, Krueger would go on to marry Loretta, with whom he would have his daughter Kathryn. The Krueger family would reside in Freddy's childhood home at 1428 Elm Street.[2] Kathryn was still a child when children from the neighborhood went missing and were later found dead. Soon after, Loretta learned that in the basement of the house, Freddy had a secret room where he would keep devices of torture, newspaper clippings of his crimes, and different versions of his clawed glove. Promising that "she won't tell" she was killed by Freddy in front of Kathryn, "for snooping in daddy's special work." Krueger worked in the local power plant, where he had murdered the 20 missing neighborhood children in the plant's boiler room. The police were unable to solve the cases and newspapers dubbed the mysterious killer the "Springwood Slasher".
Freddy accepts the Dream Demons' offer.
In 1966, Freddy was arrested for the murders of the missing children. Young Kathryn was put into foster care, and was later adopted. Because the search warrant was not signed correctly, all evidence was considered inadmissible and Krueger was released in 1968. After Freddy's trial, Amanda Krueger hanged herself in the tower where she was raped. The neighborhood parents of the children Freddy had murdered, found Krueger in his boiler room and threw Molotov cocktails at the building, trapping Freddy within. Just moments before his death, Freddy was approached by three Dream Demons. These demons search the mortal world for evil souls, and in turn, give that person the power to turn dreams into reality. Freddy accepted their offer to "be forever." Freddy's remains were taken to Penny Brothers Auto Salvage and locked in the trunk of an old red Cadillac. Presumably to help erase Krueger's existence, the Thompson family moved into the house on 1428 Elm Street. Adopted by the Burroughs family, young Kathryn was taken away from Springwood and her records were sealed.
Film series events
Thirteen years later, Krueger was shown to become something of a local urban legend. The Elm Street parents remained tight-lipped about the events of the decade before, and all of their children were now teenagers. In the closing months of 1981, the children of Springwood (specifically those teens whose parents had formed the mob that killed Krueger) began systematically dying again — this time in peculiar ways, as they slept. The parents were shown to often ignore and/or deny the pleas of their terrified children, who regaled tales of a mysterious burned man named Fred, who was terrorizing them in their dreams.
Krueger met three notable adversaries in the period before Freddy's Dead:
- Nancy Thompson, the daughter of the family that moved into his old house. Nancy was the first of the Elm Street children to learn about Krueger's past and the first to vanquish him. She returned in the third, only to be killed by Freddy, who had taken the physical form of her father as a disguise.
- Kristen Parker, a girl with the ability to bring people into her dreams. She was then killed by Freddy in A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master by being burned to death.
- Alice Johnson (who became the Dream Master), gained Kristen's power and the dream powers of her friends. Out of all these girls, Alice is the only one (supposedly) who has remained alive. After removing the souls Krueger gained over the years he was left powerless. A year later, Alice became pregnant and Krueger started using the dreams of her unborn child to kill again. Alice vanquished him with the help of Krueger's mother, Amanda. After Krueger was contained, Alice supposedly moved away before he was released and caused the events of Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare.
Freddy's Death
After a decade of systematically slaughtering all of the children of Springwood in their dreams, the town was shown to be under Freddy’s influence. By absorbing the souls of his victims, Freddy was now powerful enough to blur the lines between dreams and reality. The remaining adults were kept in a mass psychosis after their children had been murdered. When there was no one left to kill, Freddy sought to leave Springwood — hoping to continue his murder spree in another town full of more children. Only one person could arrange for this to happen, his daughter Kathryn.
Krueger used what was left of his supernatural powers to find his daughter, who was now an adult named Maggie Burroughs and was working as a counselor to troubled teenagers in another city. Since her mother's death, Maggie was raised by adoptive parents and had suppressed the disturbing memories of her early childhood. After catching up with Maggie, Krueger attempted to convince her to do his bidding. She proved, though, that a compulsion for murder was not hereditary and instead schemed with Doc, her coworker (and dream psychiatrist), to help destroy Krueger. After pulling him out of her dream, and into reality, first Maggie stabbed Krueger with his own glove in the abdomen and then shoved a pipe bomb into Krueger's chest, killing him and releasing the dream demons that had given him his power.
Battle with Jason Voorhees
Freddy grabs Jason's hockey mask at the end of Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday.
In the aftermath of Maggie sending Krueger back to hell, Springwood sought to revitalize itself. Freddy returned briefly, killing at least a few people (as seen in Freddy vs Jason). Figuring out how Krueger operated, the authorities and town officials covered up any and all traces of his prior existence, which included blacking out obituaries and quarantining anyone who had ever dreamt about, or had any knowledge of Krueger. As a result, Springwood returned to obscurity and subsequently repopulated with no ill effects.
Meanwhile, Krueger was unable to escape the boundaries of hell, thanks to the complete ignorance of his existence to the people of Springwood. Due to the fact that no one so much as knew of him, much less feared him, Freddy was unable to gain enough power to escape from hell. Thus, Freddy hatched a plan to resurrect the undead, immortal killing machine Jason Voorhees. First, at the conclusion of Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday, Freddy pulled Jason's abandoned mask into the ground. Then, in the guise of Voorhees' mother, Pamela, Freddy manipulated Jason into rising up from the dead once more and to go to Elm Street to kill the teenagers in order to fool the residents of Springwood into thinking that he (Krueger) was back.
A scene from the movie Freddy vs Jason
Jason committed a few murders, which (as planned) were then blamed on Krueger. As a result, Krueger began to get his equilibrium back. A small group of youths and a sheriff's deputy discovered that it was not Krueger who had committed the murders, but it was already too late. Enough fear fell over Springwood to make Krueger strong enough to haunt the town again. While this took place, Freddy encountered Lori, the virgin daughter of one of his past victims and began invading her dreams the most. The problem, which Krueger had not counted on, was that Jason would not stop killing. He became irate when Jason continued to slaughter "his kids." Thus, a bloody fight ensued between the two murderous icons that raged between the dream world to the waking world at Jason's old haunt, Camp Crystal Lake. One of the youths, Lori, entered the dream realm to lure Freddy into the real world, only to learn he killed her mother and was almost killed by him. The finality of this fight was deliberately left ambiguous by the writers of Freddy vs Jason. It ended with Jason walking out of the waters holding Krueger's decapitated head, which winked to the audience before the credits rolled, followed by Freddy's laughter heard after the screen fades to black, seemingly indicating that his reign of terror was not over.
Powers and abilities
As long as his victim was dreaming, Krueger could inhabit and control their dreams, twisting them to his own ends. Any physical harm done to a person in this dream world would carry over into the real world, allowing him to easily commit multiple murders. Krueger often toyed with his victims by changing his form and surroundings, usually resembling the boiler room where he was burned. His powers increased as more and more kids believed he existed. At the height of his powers, he could cause severe damage in the real world. This included possession of humans (as shown in the second Nightmare film and Freddy vs Jason) or his corpse (as shown in the third). If one of his victims wakes up while he's fighting them in the dream world, Freddy comes into the real world as well, where he is still superhumanly strong and durable, but can be wounded. This was used for extensive fight scenes in 'Freddy's Dead' and 'Freddy vs Jason'.
In a person's own dream, Krueger could also use their deepest fears and personality against them, which became a trademark in the films. A few victims managed to use their own imagination to consciously manipulate their dreams against him (a technique known as lucid dreaming), but this had little effect on Krueger, who was completely in control of their dreams already. These kids were known as "dream warriors". Another of Krueger's powers involved absorbing the souls of his victims into his own body after they had been killed, which served to make him more powerful. As he gained a victim, their face would appear on his chest. to show all he has killed. It is seen though that Krueger can have fear and lose some control at times even in the dream world if his victim is strong enough like the ghost of his mother in "dream child." Upon his discovery that Jason could not be killed in the dream world in "Freddy Vs. Jason", Jason was able to fight back at the frightened Krueger who could not control the world till he became more confident when Jason was halted at water rushing from a broken pipe.
BOWLING TRICK SHOT
http://www.cliphaven.com/videos/amazingbowlingshot
MSN MADNESS
Ruminants FC says:
10 out of 10
Ruminants FC says:
boyfriend yep just like your arse and it looks like you have got those mixed up as well - arseface
back of the neck says:
bloody woman, god damn sleep drainers
back of the neck says:
and fun drainers
back of the neck says:
unlike moustaches which are soup strainers
back of the neck says:
and good looking women who are pant strainers
Ruminants FC says:
haha
back of the neck says:
I have got the lep rap for next weeks blog, wicked
Ruminants FC says:
there's a lep in the hood
Ruminants FC says:
and he's up to NOOOOO good
Ruminants FC says:
ahhh yeah
Ruminants FC says:
the only time i wee uncontrollably is after 17 pints and in my sleep
back of the neck says:
Its like a active volcano, the pressure is slowly building
Ruminants FC says:
but birds seem to be pissing constantly
Ruminants FC says:
they must have a weak valve
back of the neck says:
and I say, what are you telling me for
back of the neck says:
woman are always pissing
back of the neck says:
my bird has to get up in the night to have a piss
back of the neck says:
I keep telling her she needs to train herself
back of the neck says:
its a mental piss
Ruminants FC says:
brainpiss
Ruminants FC says:
nice i like it
Ruminants FC says:
so when is your wedding cowboy?
back of the neck says:
FUCKOFF
Ruminants FC says:
haha
Ruminants FC says:
i didn't realise what i'd done
back of the neck says:
it seems like a terrrible waste of money
Ruminants FC says:
then i totted it all up
Ruminants FC says:
and you're spunking 12 grand on feeding nobheads like YOU!
back of the neck says:
its soo fucking expensive
Ruminants FC says:
(no offence of course)
back of the neck says:
and giving us wine MWHAHAHAAHAA
back of the neck says:
you might regret that
Ruminants FC says:
we only give you enough wine
back of the neck says:
the last wedding I went to there were rumours someone found me asleep on the toilet floor
back of the neck says:
and I lost the power of speech
Ruminants FC says:
so that you don't notice the extortionate prices of the booze there
back of the neck says:
right bring out my old trusty friend mr hip flask
Ruminants FC says:
hehe
FACT OF THE WEEK
David Jason did the voice for Danger Mouse
MEET THE BLOG MASTER
This was some blurb Mr C sent to the gang who are part his stag do
Meet the Gang.
Hoskinator, AKA Sl@gweasel, AKA Hosko...and many more
----------
As you can see from the attached photo Hoskinatoris a discerning boozer and like nothing better than getting back to nature in the countryside with a nice tipple. Or as the pic shows, drinking from 9am after Brazil knocked England out of the World Cup 2002, until around 10pm at the boss' house.
Hoskinator's significant achievements include turning up to work at 10am, wearing last night's clubbing gear, with sick on his trouser leg and saying "...and would you believe someone threw up on my leg...!". It was hard to believe someone whose eyes were on daylight saving time.
This was such a familiar occurrence, that upon phoning in to work geniunely sick one day his team leader replied, "There is nothing you can say that will make me believe you weren't out drinking last night! You will have to take today as holiday!!!"
Thus ends the evidence against Hosko...aka "The Boy Who Cried Booze"
more installments to follow as I find more bad pics
THE INCREDIBLE USELESS MACHINES
imagine if you had lots of spare time, were Japanese and loved the game mouse trap. Then this is what you would probably end up making
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5nmspVOz_Y
and oh yes that voice at the end is really annoying
BAD LYRICS
Machine Lyrics - There But For The Grace Of God Go I, which can be found http://www.lyricscrawler.com/song/34752.html
There But For The Grace Of God Go I
| Carlos and Carmen Vidal just had a child A lovely girl with a crooked smile Now they gotta split 'cause the Bronx ain't fit For a kid to grow up in Let's find a place they say, somewhere far away With no blacks, no Jews and no gays Chorus: There but for the grace of God go I Poppy and the family left the dirty streets To find a quiet place overseas And year after year the kid has to hear The do's the don'ts and the dears And when she's ten years old she digs that rock 'n' roll But Poppy bans it from home Chorus Baby, she turns out to be a natural freak Popping pills and smoking weed And when she's sweet sixteen she packs her things and leaves With a man she met on the street Carmen starts to bawl, bangs her head to the wall Too much love is worse than none at all BIG MO'S BIG TOE For those of you out there with foot and toe fetishes, even you won't like the look of this specimen. This is a picture of Big Mo and his broken toe. I don't know which one is actually broken they all look a bit mangled to me. I think I described it as a plate of sausage meat with some cornflakes thrown in, I stand by my comment.  |
SUDOKO TOILET ROLL
http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/sudoku-loo-roll/index.html
End of Line
The power of paint was of course Mr Wilson, see it makes sense now and a slap in the face for anyone who thought it was something from Toy Story.I can't remember where end of line comes from, it's either a film or computer game. (Hosk comes back out of breath after searching on the net). Aha its from Tron
[repeated line]
Master Control Program: End of Line!
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