Afternoon everyone and welcome to the Friday blog. It's a pretty full blog today with lots of lovely links for your viewing pleasure. Here is a picture of Mr Egg, it is my tribute to the popular Mr Egg fast food emporium in Birmingham

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STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT THEIR LOOKING FOR

instead they found this blog and this is what they typed in to get here

There are some crackers this week, anyone typing obese minge into a search engine should be careful because you will get what you wish for. This blog is the first site when you search for Paul Daniels and Whizbit and Who invented BOD. It amuses me that someone typed in Vulcan spanking stories

• alien breasts grow chocolate milk story crash found
• "monkey spanker" usa vibrator
• obese minge
• "automatic pilot blow up doll"
• who invented BOD
• Facts for Northern mockingbirds
• mutant ninja turtle, partners in crime song wav
• paul daniels whizbit
• scopian in the wild
• corny management sayings
• ron mccroby
• vulcan spanking stories
• deaL or no deal ADRIAN noel edmunds
• lovejoy+episode+topless
• girls hanging wedgie
• buld your own fly rod
• +life +sets +graphs +sketches +humour +doodles
• "covenant eyes" slowing vista

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MR C's NEWSROUND

women settle for mediocre sex

http://smallnews.wordpress.com/2007/02/14/women-settle-for-mediocre-sex-scientist-finds/

games that burn calories

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6376637.stm

don't worry kids will soon wise up and stop playing them

look out you can lose weight by playing with wii

http://wiinintendo.net/2007/01/15/wii-sports-experiment-results/

They say some people look like their pets, well I have a new one, some people look like their crimes

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/22022007/397/police-charge-letter-bomb-suspect-0.html

Porn causes trouble for two men

http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?BRD=1402&dept_id=173494&newsid=17860751&PAG=461&rfi=9

I like the fact he just grabbed his 39 inch sword!! Also where the hell is this place ownwnwowow

cop killer? no... clown killer!!!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6382919.stm

worse...
clown grot
http://www.ramcoproductions.com/films/clownporn/t_cap_lb_05.jpg

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SPAM OF THE WEEK

starting off a letter with My Beloved is not a good way about trying to trick me into giving my bank account details to him.

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OFFICE NICKNAME

this is one of those nicknames that people use but not to the actual person (unless you become drunk and start calling them it)

Horatio Hornblower

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GOVERNMENT WASTING TIME

Are you fed up with the Government wasting money on pointless laws and studies. Well why don't they waste their time doing something with entertainment value, like petitioning the PM to stand on his head and juggle ice cream

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/juggle/

I like the fact it has 3907 signatures

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Someone sent me in a joke and it's actually pretty funny. I don't really know how to reference the joke so I won't

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.

Roland the class swot gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and
my Mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails,says, "My grandma says there's a
bug going round, and it's Contagious."

"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"



Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice, "Our Next
door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and My Da says
'It will take the contagious'"

ANOTHER JOKE

My Mother told me this, I will just give you the punch line

"no I said I have got acute Agina"

here is a "Dad" joke

mmm pancakes, i love pancakes, although i'm crepe at making them...

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"He turns all of his injuries into strengths. That which does not kill him makes him stronger." -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

A philosopher named George Santayana once said, "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

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WORK DOODLE

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Ted Striker says:

ohh man

Ted Striker says:

i really do not fancy the idea of sitting int eh stinking pub

back of the neck says:

come on, big boy

back of the neck says:

we will let you sit near the window

Ted Striker says:

haha

Ted Striker says:

man i'm shattered

Ted Striker says:

so tired man

Ted Striker says:

5 mins dude

Ted Striker says:

fuck it lets go now bro

Ted Striker says:

???

Ted Striker says:

textbook toilet scenario

Ted Striker says:

someone was having a big smelly shit when i went in for a piss

Ted Striker says:

whoever it was kept silent the whole time i was in there

Ted Striker says:

i took ages washing my hands deliberately

Ted Striker says:

muhaha

Ted Striker says:

can u smell kebab?

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WORD UP (from dictionary.com)

doyen \DOY-en; DWAH-yan\, noun:

1. The senior member of a body or group.
2. One who is knowledgeable or uniquely skilled as a result of long experience in some field of endeavor.
3. A woman who is a doyen.

Two dozen reporters, led by Helen Thomas of United Press International, the seventy-six-year-old doyenne of the press corps, filed into the room.
-- Howard Kurtz, Spin Cycle

Christian Dior, doyen of fashion, introduced the New Look for women, with long flowing skirts and a strong emphasis on nonpractical femininity.
-- Zachary Karabell, The Last Campaign

Doyen is from French, from Late Latin decanus, "leader or chief of ten persons," from decem, "ten."

Dictionary.com Entry and Pronunciation for doyen

malodorous \mal-OH-duhr-uhs\, adjective:

Having a bad odor.

Working inside this tomb means coming to terms with rock falls, malodorous dust and faulty electrical supplies. -- John Ray, "Splendid Digs", New York Times, October 18, 1998

But people were accustomed to the odors of chamber pots and outdoor privies and to the stench of manure on city streets as well as in the country. Even the most refined could scarcely have been squeamish about malodorous garbage. -- Susan Strasser, Waste and Want

Malodorous is from Latin mal-, "bad" + odorus, from odor, "smell."

Dictionary.com Entry and Pronunciation for malodorous

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RETRO GAME

The classic everyone has played 1942

here is a link to the copy of the game

http://www.breumelhof.nl/emulationroms/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=58

here is a link to youtube stuff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvZlDQy67Gw

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WIIII

Whopping widescreen Wii

http://www.reghardware.co.uk/2007/02/21/whopping_widescreen_wii/

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EVER WONDERED HOW PEOPLE WITH WOODEN LEGS TAP DANCE

well it's not exactly tap dancing but just watch Clatyon 'Peg Leg' Bates do his thing

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2H62Xsxziiw

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Prisoner Cell Block H song

I don't really know what to say about this, so just go and watch it

http://b3ta.com/links/Prisoner_Cell_Block_B

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BEAT BOXING WITH A FLUTE!

inspector gadget

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59ZX5qdIEB0

I don't know what this is about but look at the size of her hams. How many times has a bloke heard the line "you are too fast for me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOjnkdZBS_4&NR

now if you watched the link above, you probably looked like this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYQWLCWduyU&NR

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From the Guardian videos bit

rugby league fight

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHC8pV3BmJU

football tricks gone wrong

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_C3ZGkjeL-U&NR

the worst back pass ever

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DE2pQvAjCVQ

boxing with the Bomber Herol Graham

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bL86dJEXkLI

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IS NOT JUST SUPERMARKETS HE ROBS

http://media.guardian.co.uk/site/story/0,,2016095,00.html

other celebrity theifs

http://www.tiscali.co.uk/lifestyle/celebrity/celebrity_sins/shoplifting.html

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I like to see pictures of Britney shaved

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6378199.stm

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ANTI TANK MISSLES - WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR

New French Anti-Tank Missile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrrJi87cXfM

Anit Tank Missile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dH4PkOhrSn0&mode=related&search=

where is the skill in aiming that?

MLRS Lighting Strike

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJlGZCgPqts&NR

it sounds like an american football team

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FOOTBALL (365) NEWS

drunk liverpool player told copper he loved him

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8652_1928089,00.html

ADRIAN CHILES SENT USED TOILET PAPER IN THE POST

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8652_1928532,00.html

The lowlights of small Angry Welshman - Craig Bellamy

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8751_1928149,00.html

QUOTE OF THE DAY (from monday's fiver) "I missed out on signing a Chinese striker in January. You know the guy, Win One Soon" - Paul Jewell displays the sort of wit Prince Philip would be proud of as he attempts to lighten the mood at Plucky Little Wigan.

legend - Martin Peters

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8750_1933962,00.html

comedy football article of the week - Ashley Young believe he achieve his dream of playing in the champions league with Aston Villa

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8652_1936793,00.html

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AMSTERDAM ROBS HOT ONES

A dance video with Lego Men

circle circle dot dot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-tkqpHnxTI

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POKER VIDS

Macrel Luske

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyRVV3QaOYw&mode=related&search=

the bad poker dude

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqRjPysjC6A&mode=related&search=

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HOSKING SALUTE

To me for going out and watching Liverpool beat the reigning European champions and then dancing in walkabout when Sarah Cox was the DJ!

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Elvis' middle name, is it Aron or Aaron? (http://www.elvis.com/elvisology/faq/faq.asp?qid=11)

Are you ready for this? Either spelling is right and either spelling is wrong. But, how can that be?

Elvis was named after his father, Vernon Elvis Presley, and Mr. Presley's good friend in Tupelo, Aaron Kennedy. Aron was the spelling the Presleys chose, apparently to make it similar to the middle name of Elvis' stillborn identical twin, Jesse Garon Presley. Jesse was apparently named after Vernon's father, Jessie Presley, although the spelling was slightly different.

Toward the end of his life, Elvis sought to change the spelling of his middle name to the traditional and biblical Aaron. In the process he learned that official state records had inexplicably listed it as Aaron, and not Aron as on his original birth records. Knowing Elvis' plans for his middle name, Aaron is the spelling his father chose for Elvis' tombstone, and it's the spelling his estate has designated as the official spelling when the middle name is used today.

Similarly, there is some slight confusion regarding the spelling of Jesse Garon's name. Most reliable resources have the spelling as Jesse. However, near the graves of Elvis, his parents and his grandmother at Graceland is a marker the family placed in memory of Elvis' twin, but the spelling is Jessie for reasons we have yet to determine. Jesse Garon's actual grave site is in Tupelo, MS where it has always been, but it remains unmarked by a tombstone. Lack of money in the family's early years was likely the reason. Then, once Elvis became wealthy and famous, the grave, which is in a public cemetery, remained unmarked most likely in the interest of privacy. Because of the spelling on the marker at Graceland, we tend to use the spelling Jessie to avoid confusion.

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Some Amusing stories found on the internet

The soap opera

I remember reading this ages ago and it cracked me up, I think it was the sheer frustration of the bloke and his fight agaisn't the mounting number of small soap bars

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~jhancock/story/maid.html

another good story

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~jhancock/story/bbs_story.html

Brilliant student story - the anals of human history

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~jhancock/story/history.html

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The Jam reform without Weller

this was sent in with the comment

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Robert "Father of the Remote Control" Adler dies

read and learn about him

Best known as the "Father of the TV Remote Control," Dr. Robert Adler is responsible for a large number of significant scientific contributions to the electronics industry, including landmark inventions in the field of consumer products and in sophisticated specialized communications equipment. He holds more than 180 patents.

http://www.geocities.com/neveyaakov/electro_science/adler.html

http://www.zenith.com/sub_about/about_adler.html

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SOME BOXING CLIPS

Boxing greatest moments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAnF48V7lUk

Boxing Knock downs and knockouts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLFJDheK2W4&mode=related&search=

Mike Tyson before he went mad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAlnGmtZUX8&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ka-5v2DFyvs&mode=related&search=

What is the Dark Crystal all about

I was thinking about the dark crystal the other day, I remember liking it but not really remembering what actually happens in it

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083791/

according to imdb

Another planet, another time. 1000 years ago the Dark Crystal was damaged by one of the Urskeks and an age of chaos began. Now the time of the great conjunction of the three suns is near. If the crystal is not healed now the control of the evil Skekses will last forever. Jen the last of the Gelfings nearly exterminated by monsters controlled by the Skekses starts his dangerous journey to find the missing shard of the crystal. Will he be able to heal the crystal and restore order on the planet?

Here is some triva from imdb

The Dark Crystal (1982)

• At the time it was made, it was hailed as the only live action film in which a human actor makes no appearance.
• The little hairy things that crawl across and that the Creatures eat are modified wind-up toy robots that run like crazy on two legs as a round rolling central body that houses the wind up motor. The wind-up key was removable.
• The Special Edition DVD features several "workprint" takes showing early passes at dialogue. This early voice-over work differs from the final dialogue in several ways: the Skeksis speak in a foreign language, Frank Oz provided the voice of Aughra (sounding very similar to his voice work for Yoda in the Star Wars movies), and the Mystics were referred to by (presumably) their original name, the ur-Ru. The novelization was apparently based on this earlier version, referring to the "Trial By Stone" contest by its original name - "Hakskeekah" - and calling the Mystics the ur-Ru. In the final film, one reference to ur-Ru was not redubbed: when the Mystics enter the Skeksis Great Hall, SkekOk, the Scrollkeeper sees them and shouts "Ur-Ru!"

• Was the highest-grossing box office release of 1983 in France and Japan.
• The movie's conceptual artist Brian Froud and puppet designer Wendy Midener met on the set of the movie and were later married.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmZEKR5Znvs&mode=related&search=

how they made it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsQZJiCcJM8&mode=related&search=

castle walls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YseTQOsbNgo

the power of the dark crystal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ncplv9UgaTU&mode=related&search=

BAD LYRICS

The Bay city rollers – Shang a lang

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzf7dI3T52c

I have to commend them on their outfits, awesome. My sister once lent her bike to a stranger because he said he knew the bay city rollers, haha sucker.

Lyrics

We were rippin up
we were rockin up
roll it over and lay it down

we were shakin up
we were breakin up
we were rockin to the shang-a-lang sound of the music
*
HEY HEY, rockin to the music.
HEY HEY, rocking to the music
rocking every night and day.HEY HEY

well we sang shang-a-lang as we ran with the gang
doin doo wop be dooby do ay
we were all in the news
with our blue suede shoes
and our dancin the night away.

? we sang shang-a-lang
as we ran with the gang
doin doo wop be dooby do eye
with the jukebox playing and every body saying that
music like ours couldn't die
*
we were grooving
we were movin
pussyfootin and booting it round.
we were boppin it
we were hoppin it
we were jumping to the shang-a-lang sound of the music,....*CHORUS

shang-a-lang,
shang-a-lang,
shang-a-lang
shang-a-lang, shang-a-lang, shang-a-lang

CHORUS REPEAT from ? to fin.

Gary Glitter in Action

A young gary glitter singing “do you wanna touch me”. He has a very odd hair, it’s like someone has tried to build a little hair tower on top of his head. Someone has left the comment “fucking awesome!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPNiDFbseSM

come on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYrfh3rb2rU

Gary Glitter-What your mama dont see your mama dont know

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NKcdOlwfZI&mode=related&search=

KIDS SHOWS

Fragile rock

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqEKIxeNM-E&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWCEssTZuOU&mode=related&search=

the fragglers look for jobs part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jbNVfvPHiU&mode=related&search=

part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuKiY4yoxP8&mode=related&search=

fraggle rock behind the scenes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvuyaHk5H14&mode=related&search=

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Finitio

once again thanks for reading and thanks for everyone who sent stuff in, a firm pat on the back, a hazaar and three cheers. The power of paint was Britney of course and I bet you all guessed it but how, we will never know. If you want to send stuff (except the person who typed in obese minge) then send it to amusingitstories@gmail.com

Be seeing you

Howdy folks, my aim this week is to popularise my new phrase - Back of the neck. It is mainly related to drinking. Well another goal in my life achieved - back of the neck.

STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT THEIR LOOKING FOR

I like this section, finding out what people have typed in to get to my blog. Some of the searches are baffling, like half nude pictures of men's testicles, half nude? Red breast religious spam, is that some kind of meal and does anyone know what a slimming belt looks like

• "People who you think are dead but aren't"
• Whizbit with paul daniels
• dogging stories
• doo a da da da da aha a ha wowo wee song
• mpg weird giant growth expansion story
• half nude pictures of the men testicles
• spanking stories on mp3
• scopian with orchestra
• Indiana Jones - Resync
• caned in underwear
• milk is for babies sound clip pumping iron
• andy gamesmaster
• red breast religon spam
• Reid's Chicken Da Dip
• john cort picturesof his look on baywatch
• squeaky vauxhalls
• beat covenant eyes
• "slimming belt"
• wife likes to watch me have sex stories
• inferred fart
• watch boobs grow
• do stop it aggers
• awesome fire strong desire lyrics
• wedgie wars

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Mary WhiteHouse experience

more classic clips from the classic show

Jarvis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1E9PZQKklQ&mode=related&search=

Disappearing World 2 - Newman & Baddiel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjfb49zVMM0&mode=related&search=

Disappearing World 1 - Newman & Baddiel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE8HP1shHlk&mode=related&search=

Disappearing World 3 - Newman & Baddiel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Kf2duxuozw&mode=related&search=

Disappearing World 4 - Newman & Baddiel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjumtzzqdZI&mode=related&search=

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KIDS TV

ulysses

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgJ4qYP44Rk

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WEDGIES

people are always typing in wedgies and finding my blog, so I thought I would actually put some wedgie clips on

wedgie from hell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLnHLSLGHLU

I have wedgie skills

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwAIx4Cjr30&mode=related&search=

girl wedgie

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1844519286276728267&q=wedgie

an atomic wedgie

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7604331194439363008&q=wedgie

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RETRO GAME

Hunchback

http://www.thehouseofgames.net/index.php?t=10&id=41

The link is here You are Quasimodo the hunchback and the love of your life Esemeralda has been kidnapped and now you go out to rescue her. Standing between you and her are many levels of deadly falls, traps and guards. There is no way for you beat any of the guards and traps so the only way to advance is to jump and avoid them. You start each level at the left of the screen and your aim is to get to the right side and ring the bell. Each level becomes progressively more difficult with the earlier levels only having a single obstacle like arrows, boulders and guards but the later ones combine them to make them sometimes near impossible. The one thing every level has in common is the invincible knight that crawls up the wall, he's not fast but he can he can walk over any obstacle and if you take too much time he will eventually get to you.

Hunchback is the type of game that was very common in those days with short and simple level design. If you are able to finish all the levels you are simply send back to the beginning and you start over but with the speed increased. Eventually you'll die anyway so you can't really finish the game. The game is extremely unforgiving and at the least touch of an object you fall off the wall and lose a life so getting to the final level is very difficult. I used to play this game quite a lot but it seems pretty dated today but if you judge it by the standards of 1983 it's not bad.

youtube clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HEUwFx1gWs

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AMSTERDAM ROB

laughing baby

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1098259204041420273

Phone prank

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6381410641080364790

rubbish fight

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3600026735369000685

Anna Nicole Smith

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4710671211021505216

Parachute failure - a frustrating way to die!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0Q_CMUJrsA

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Munchbreak

they might have a silly sounding name but the band are wicked. The play at the rainbow pub in digbeth on the first friday of every month. If you go to the site you can download some free tracks, so check it out

http://munchbreak.com/audio_tracks.php

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BISCUIT DOODLE

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MR C'S NEWSROUND

platoon of lesbians could chase us out of bagdad

http://thinkprogress.org/2007/02/08/dontask-platoon/

thousand to police no smoking ban

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6346435.stm

Is sex on a plane legal?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6360869.stm

The prat and his petition

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6354735.stm?ls

Just returning your call... to the UK

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6353491.stm

"Hello, it's my car." ''Your cat, sir?." "No, my hatchback." "Your bad back, sir?" "No my car, it's a hatchback." "Your cat has a bad back, sir?" "Arghhhhhh!"

'Hottest chilli sauce' launched

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4530739.stm

Man immune to Chilli's

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20070204/chili_eater_070204/20070204?hub=TopStories

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CHRIS MORRIS CLIP COMES TO LIFE

this is from media watch on football365.com - http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/0,17033,8749_1921132,00.html

Non-Football Story Of The Day
Reports the BBC website:

'Footage of four women goading toddlers to fight has "stunned" police and social services in Devon.

'The boy, aged two, is seen crying after being punched in the face by the three-year-old girl and is told by one of the four women in the room "not to be a wimp or a faggot" and to hit her back.

'The four women, all from the same family, are heard laughing as the toddlers are urged to keep on fighting.

'The court heard that when interviewed by police, one of the women said: "I didn't see any harm in toughening them up. I done the same with my own children."'

Non-Football Rumour Of The Day
'On Monday night, after "quite a few vodkas", the 42-year-old bricklayer from Louth Bay, near Port Lincoln, thought it would be a good idea to jump in the ocean and wrestle with a 1.3m bronze whaler shark that had been spotted "hanging around". He caught the shark with his bare hands, dragging it onto the Louth Bay jetty to the cheers of other fishermen. The only damage was to his jean, which received a few nips. But rather than keep hold of his "trophy shark" as a memento, Mr Cee skinned and gutted it, and has been eating it all week. "I've got 10 or a dozen real good feeds from it, and I've still got a fair bit of him in the freezer to last me a while," he said. Mr Cee admits his actions were not very clever and "wouldn't recommend anyone try it". "It's amazing what vodka does to you, but when I woke up the next morning I thought it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do," he said' - News.com.au.

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10 THINGS WE DIDN'T KNOW LAST WEEK

first I show you the whole thing http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/index.html#a009540 then I show you my favourites

3. A pig's mood is indicated by its tail. It is happy when the tail is tightly coiled and unhappy when it hangs limp.
More details

4. The National Theatre's electricity bill is £600,000 a year.

6. Astronauts wear nappies during launch and re-entry because they can't stop what they're doing should they need to urinate.
More details

7. Vikings may have used a special crystal to navigate when fog obscured the sun.

9. Eighty-eight percent of children in Poland aged 12 to 18 use instant messaging, compared to 50% in the UK, says a survey.

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URBAN LEGENDS

CAT FLUSHING TOILET GIVES OWNERS MASSIVE WATER BILL

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/catflush.asp

DECOY DRUNK or designated decoy

LEGEND - SOBER MAN ROLLS OUT OF THE PUB LOOKING DRUNK TO LURE THE POLICE OFFICER

http://www.snopes.com/autos/law/decoy.asp

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THE ANSWERS YOU WISH YOU HAD GIVEN

I have put a couple of them here but on the link below there are loads of funny answers, so go check it

http://www.xanga.com/jiiglypuff

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MSN MADNESS

cherrypop says:

whats wrong with this office today

cherrypop says:

its soooo depressing

cherrypop says:

its friday for crying out loud

Ted Striker says:

i know

Ted Striker says:

get your cock out, that'll give us all a good laff

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WHAT BLOKES LOVE

From wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammary_gland

Mammary glands are the organs that, in the female mammal, produce milk for the sustenance of the young. These exocrine glands are enlarged and modified sweat glands and are the characteristic of mammals which gave the class its name.

bah it makes bobbies sound boring, there was a link on this page to witches milk, what could be I thought - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch%27s_milk

Witch's milk or neonatal milk is milk secreted from the breasts of some newborn infants. It is the result of the influence of the mother's hormones prior to birth. Witch's milk is only secreted by infants born at full term, and not by the breasts of prematurely-born infants. It normally resolves without treatment within one to two weeks after birth.

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SO WHAT IS VALENTINES DAY

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day

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AIRPLANE

if you don't know the film Airplane well just take you hand and give yourself a slap and then give yourself another one from me. here is the trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaXvFT_UyI8

here is a link to all of em - http://www.garnersclassics.com/qairpln.htm

[As the plane prepares to take off.]

Old lady: Nervous?

Ted Striker: Yes.

Old lady: First time?

Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.

Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.

also here is some airplane trivia

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080339/trivia

David Letterman screen-tested for the role of Ted Striker.

The film is mostly a parody of Zero Hour! (1957), a film that had a main character named Ted Stryker and such famous "not meant to be funny" lines like "We have to find someone who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner."

Singer/Songwriter Barry Manilow was considered for the role of Ted Stryker before Robert Hays was hired.

The film cost $3.5 million and only took 34 days to make.

The automatic pilot blow-up doll ultimately disintegrated after spending several years in 'Jerry Zucker' 's garage.

The obligatory copyright notice at the end of the film which warns against piracy or unauthorized duplication ends with the comment "So there!"

SPOILER: Captain Oveur's line to the little boy "Have you ever seen a grown man naked?" was originally "Have you ever sucked a grown man's cock?" which was dropped for obvious reasons.

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BISCUIT DOODLE

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FOOTBALL NEWS

Henry rubbish dive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLZQVtKkK9k

this is how you should dive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scNMcYGheBg&mode=related&search=

quotes of the week

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8750_1916954,00.html

AFC Wimbledon site

http://www.afcwimbledon.co.uk

The story of AFC Wimbledon

In the summer of 2002, an FA Commission granted permission for a group of businessmen to relocate Wimbledon FC Ltd to Milton Keynes, 70 miles from its history, home and community. Initially devastated at the loss of their club, within a matter of weeks the supporters took a fresh approach by creating their own team.

Backed by the Wimbledon Independent Supporters Association (WISA) and the Dons Trust, AFC Wimbledon was born. Just six weeks later, having obtained a ground, senior status and many hundreds of season ticket applications, the Dons played their first friendly on Wednesday 10th July against Sutton United at Gander Green Lane, in front of a staggering crowd of over 4,500.

By then the Dons had already been elected into the Combined Counties League and had appointed former Dons full-back Terry Eames as manager. The opening day of the season saw the CCL's attendance record smashed as 2,449 people squeezed into Sandhurst Town's Bottom Meadow ground to see the Dons celebrate their first competitive game with a 2-1 win thanks to goals by Kevin Cooper and Keith Ward. Days later, the "house full" signs were hung out at Kingsmeadow, but the first home game ended in disappointment for the bumper crowd as Chipstead won 2-1.

It was early inconsistency as the new squad settled which ultimately cost the Dons promotion in that inaugural season as, despite an impressive late unbeaten run, they ended up finishing third behind eventual champions Withdean 2000 and AFC Wallingford, amassing a total of 111 points.

But 2003-04 was a different story. It wasn�t until January that the Dons dropped any league points, by which stage they were already well clear of AFC Wallingford and odds-on for promotion and the Combined Counties League title.

By the end of the season, the biggest question was whether the players would manage to go through the entire season unbeaten. The answer was an emphatic yes as they finished with 42 games won and just four drawn, chalking up a record 130 points and a staggering goal difference of +148.

And, to complete a fantastic Combined Counties League double, the Dons also lifted the Premier Challenge Cup, coming from behind to beat North Greenford United 4-1 at a packed Woking stadium.

The summer of 2004 saw the Dons back in the Isthmian League for the first time since 1964. If the future holds half as much adventure as those 40 years of absence did, the Dons could be all set for another amazing journey.

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BATMAN KAPOW

everyone likes the bit in the old batman where Batman punches, kicks someone and then you get the big KAPOW, CLUNK, BAM and BOFF. Well here is a collection of them for you

http://www.batmania.com.ar/paginas/serie_onomatopeyas.htm

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Top Gear presenter almost gets killed (again)

Top Gear presenters are like weebles, you can knock them down in car with a jet engine in it but they keep on bouncing back up. Unless you get some red necks on their ass.

My favourite quote from the film is

oi, jump leads!

Top Gear Gets Attacked by Rednecks

http://youtube.com/watch?v=G6MJVzXbqRU

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A COUPLE OF GOOD CARTOONS

Dilbert - yearly goals

http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20070210.html

Perry Bible Fellow ship - now showing

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF209-Now_Showing.jpg#199

Perry Bible Fellow ship - wishing well

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF210-Wishing_Well.gif#200

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MSN MADNESS

uk hiphop says:

what kind of freakshow said they wanted to go play bingo !

back of the neck says:

haha it was me

uk hiphop says:

really ????

back of the neck says:

yeah, I always wanted to know what goes on there

back of the neck says:

and the only other thing we will do is bowling

uk hiphop says:

you're dead to me

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WORK DOODLE

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WORK EMAIL

a response to an email asking if people want to go to bingo for a night out

Thanks very much for organising the evening but I would rather go down the Villa or watch paint dry than go to a Bingo hall.

Please exclude me and use my comments as you want

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ELVIS CRACKS UP SINGING

'The King...'

Elvis' famous "laugh" version of "Are you Lonesome Tonight" is a real masterpiece. Someone put him up to swapping some of the lyrics in the early part of the song, such that he wonders "do you gaze at your bald head and wish you had hair"? He is uncontrollably amused by this but nonetheless, this version has become one of best loved and most memorable of the King's huge catalogue. Just as amusing is how the backing singer carries on in so unflinchingly a professional manner even after the "sing it baby" comment! Click the microphone on the right to hear it again (2,700K download).

http://www.glee.co.uk/mp3/elvis.mp3

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WORD OF THE WEEK (from dictionary.com)

moribund \MOR-uh-bund\, adjective:

1. In a dying state; dying; at the point of death.
2. Becoming obsolete or inactive.

He put on a beaver overcoat, a present from a wealthy Petrograd banker and speculator, Ignati Porfiryevich Manus, whose niece had been moribund with fever until Rasputin's healing intercession had revived her.
-- Brian Moynahan, Rasputin: The Saint Who Sinned

Perhaps this explained his solicitousness, his tender careful moist gaze, as if she were moribund.
-- Kathryn Harrison, The Binding Chair

The real problem is not the economic crisis that dominates the headlines, but a pair of intertwined long-run concerns: the work force is shrinking fast, and Japan undermines its economy's productivity by squandering money on life support for moribund industries and backward regions.
-- Nicholas D. Kristof, "Empty Isles Are Signs Japan's Sun Might Dim", New York Times, August 1, 1999

If talking about books -- a subject often more personal than politics and more arguable than religion -- can be bruising, it can for the same reasons be thrilling. Yet serious literary conversation as an avocation, as an impromptu congress of amateurs, has been moribund for half a century.
-- Brian Hall, "The Group", New York Times, June 6, 1999

Moribund is from Latin moribundus, from mori, "to die."

Dictionary.com Entry and Pronunciation for moribund

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POWER OF PAINT

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POKER CLIPS

a pot for 600000 dollars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5k8mdvx0RWM

more lucky gus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeRQeIdymYM&mode=related&search=

Phil hellmuth blows up part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kHkdjmssus&mode=related&search=

part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CRZK4njihI&mode=related&search=

part 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrgCqkAFv4k&mode=related&search=

Gus Hanson goes crazy

part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq3zZbj8TDE

part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvgnCYEpPFs

part 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJgJpiJszEk&mode=related&search=

part 4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkH_V8GtMEs

how not to play poker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkIdBWY2iNg&mode=related&search=

don't suck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BxGHN0DS8A&mode=related&search=

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Random Vids

The History of Rock and Roll

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhuAiWLsiiM

How to be the perfect chav

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUNSQdrSRkw&mode=related&search=

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The Right Stuff

You got it (the right stuff) - New Kids On the Block

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmz8ygxruoc

You got it (the right stuff)

The right stuff
The right stuff
First time was a great time
Second time was a blast
Third time I fell in love
Now I hope it lasts
I can see it in your walk
Tell 'em when you talk
See it in everything you do
Even in your thoughts

You got the right stuff, baby
Love the way you turn me on
You got the right stuff, baby
You're the reason why I sing this song
All that I needed was you
Oh girl, you're so right
Said all that I wanted was you
You made all my dreams come true

[Chorus: ]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
The right stuff
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
The right stuff

Your first kiss was a sweet kiss
Second kiss had a twist
Third and your fourth kiss
I don't want to miss
I can see it in your walk
Tell 'em when you talk
See it in everything you do
Even in your thoughts

You got the right stuff, baby
Love the way you turn me on
You got the right stuff, baby
You're the reason why I sing this song
All that I needed was you
Oh girl, you're so right
Said all that I wanted was you
You made all.... every one of my dreams come true

[Repeat Chorus ]

The right stuff, girl, yeah baby, yeah
You know you got the right stuff
And girl, yeah, baby
You know, you know you got it, girl

In my life, you're so right
You made all.... you know what you did

[Repeat chorus and fade]

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The blog that investigates. I have found out the definition of good and bad snow

Good Snow - snow that comes down in the night making the roads so bad in the morning you can't get into work

Bad Snow - snow that comes down during work hours once you are at work, increasing the fear you are going to be trapped at work

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• anadian sounding rocket
• I fear the crazed and lonely looks the mirror's giving me these days
• paul daniels and whizbit
• "blind date cilla" punchline
• amusing story about group projects
• sound spanking story
• Jim'll Fix It Theme Tune details
• do's and dont's post resignation
• how to add bloody stickmen a
• amusing narrative stories
• "If your animals could talk, Annie"
• tum kin vietnamese monk chant youtube
• hot dog jumping frog tune
• "roy clancy" and idiot
• wife spanking youtube
• "grandma we love you" mp3
• todays sun crossword answers
• hardknox "fire like this" download

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Kevin Wilson is coming to Brum in the distant future, I had heard his name before and knew he was an aussie but couldn't remember seeing anything he had done

http://www.kevinbloodywilson.com/site/

check out his Shane Warne song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYuPwX_zEJ0

Kevin Wilson - The Local

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TEENAGERS AND PORN

ONCE A MONTH
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6336509.stm

Mr C's comments
just aren't as committed
once a month, when it's so easily available!!!!

in my day you had to sneak your razzle in between the pages of Amiga Format
and wait patiently for the weekly Big Shop

Hosks
where exactly do they get these figures, if someone nice old lady doing a survey asked you, the reader how many times you viewed porn on the internet, how many times are you going to say, "Oh at least 3 times a day and five on sundays" Noo. This is like the doctor asking you how many units of alcohol you have a week, just the *cough*one pint your honour

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THE VILLAGE

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THE ART OF WHISTLING

for all you wanna be whistlers, this is the website for you. if you want to know what movies have whistling in, what adverts have whistling in, then just click on the this website and all shall be revealed

http://www.thewhistler.com/whistling.htm

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CLASSIC GAMES TO PLAY

I haven't put any games for you readers to waste a few hours playings, so I shall now right that wrong.

Street Fighter 2

http://www.legitgames.com/games/Street-Fighter-II

Mario 2

http://www.legitgames.com/games/Mario-2

and now a good game

Acid Factory

http://www.funnyburger.com/index.php?page=embed&id=3095

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RETRO GAMES (gameplay over graphics society)

talking about computer games, I was a pondering what game I should pick and then it came to me

BRUCE LEE on the ZX Spectrum

Walkthrough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86SOveCkoeQ









oh yes a link where you can play the mighty game
http://www.doyouremember.co.uk/spectrum/brucelee.asp

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WINDOW ROCKS

I saw this on google vids, I like the description

Microsoft sent this tape to retailers to explain the benefits of Windows 386. Boring until the 7 minute mark when the production is taken over by crack-smoking monkeys.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4915875929930836239

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MSN MADNESS

Texas Tom... i am working and occasionally i have tits on my balls
Texas Tom... which is nice to stop and watch
Laurie Sanchez... eh? what?
Laurie Sanchez... you lost me there
Laurie Sanchez... is that going in the wrong chat?
Texas Tom... hehe
Texas Tom... no
Laurie Sanchez... was that lot supposed to go in MSN
Texas Tom... bluetits
Laurie Sanchez... :-)
Texas Tom... on my fatballs
Laurie Sanchez... now you are just worrying me
Texas Tom... specially purchased bird feeding items
Laurie Sanchez... ah
Laurie Sanchez... phew
Texas Tom... http://www.birdforum.net/showthread.php?t=5479
Laurie Sanchez... right
Laurie Sanchez... i have a different mental image now
Laurie Sanchez... which is a good thing
Texas Tom... i just googled that page i hasten to add
Texas Tom... i'm not a member of the forum
Texas Tom... these loons it seems cook 3 course meals for their ornithological chums
Laurie Sanchez... lol - you could spam that out - "RE: How to get F@tballs"
Laurie Sanchez... Click on link for larger fatballs

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AMSTERDAM ROB'S HOT ONES

STUPID GAME SHOW ANSWERS
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5034582797873848517

Girl with huge boobs does exercise
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2849630478100514718

angry kid asks some questions
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1120999131609320237

lego Harry Potter
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1749866178548669403

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POWER OF PAINT

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MR C’s NEWSROUND

Mariah Carey fan banned from pub

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2188364.html

History and Heros

http://www.times-olympics.co.uk/historyheroes/stgbo07.html

Prisoner posts himself to freedom

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2170307.html?menu=news.quirkies.strangecrime

How do snow plough drivers get to work?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6342887.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wiltshire/6279715.stm

Mini-pigs 'big in China'

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2189732.html

Jilted, diapered astronaut planned to kidnap rival

http://www.boingboing.net/2007/02/05/jilted_diapered_astr.html

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FILM YOU SHOULD WATCH

This was sent in by MR C and it sounds brilliant and it's also one of Arnie's first films. Mr C sent me the link with this intro

Just caught this movie on cable tv, and I'm still in shock! : O
I mean this was "The Flying Nun" in the buff!
Arnold Schwarzenegger jammin' on his violin with hillbillies? Was I dreaming?
Robert Englund kicking butt sans Freddy Kruger mask.
And T.C. from Magnum P.I. giving a massage to a beautiful naked redhead but wishing he was raising chickens instead!
Surreal.

Stay Hungry (1976)

Tagline: If you've got an appetite for life:

Summary:

A syndicate wants to buy a whole district to rebuild it. They've bought every house except the small gym "Olympic", where Mr. Austria Joe Santo prepares for the Mr. Universum championships a month ahead. The rich sunny-boy Craig Blake is brought in by the syndicate as a dummy to buy the gym. But then he starts to like the people and falls in love with Joe's friend Marie-Tate.

REVIEW FROM IMDB

Horrible, 11 September 2005 Author: mrhappy145 from United States The only saving grace of this movie is the bodybuilding, and those scenes are few and far between. If you are an Arnold fan, you will be greatly disappointed in the portrayal of your hero, if not, you may appreciate the way that he is taken out of his usual bad ass roles to show a more "sensitive side." The problem is that this portrayal is ridiculous, to the point where there is a scene with Arnie in the woods playing fiddle in a country jam. If you desperately wan to see this film to see all the films he is in do it. Otherwise, this movie should be prescribed to insomniacs, as i have fallen asleep to it on numerous occasions and suffer from the occasional bout myself The Flying Nun puts aside her old Habits, 31 January 2005 Author: gaattc2001 from United States *** This comment may contain spoilers *** Saw this in the late 70s at a theater in Memphis. I grew up in Birmingham, so I kept saying, "I've been there...I've been there!" Ah-nuhld plays an Austrian body-builder, which must have been a stretch; Robert Englund is his trainer. Sally Field does her only known nude scene so far, and as others have noted, also wears a lot of minimalist outfits--and goes water-skiing in what must be the smallest bikini seen before Dana Delany on China Beach several years later. Her classic line: "Ah ha'ad to do somethin' to get out of Pratt-ville!" (And Ah can certainly sympathize.) Jeff Bridges plays the agent of the giant soulless conglomerate trying to buy up the health club (where Ah-nuhld is in training, and his girlfriend Field (!) is the secretary) so they can build a high-rise--but gets sidetracked and has to reassess his priorities. Several scenes were shot at the B'ham country club (I've been there!), plus guest appearances by Schwarzenegger regular R.G. Armstrong (also seen as the general in "Predator"), Ed Begley Jr., Birmingham TV personality Fannie Flagg, and others. Armstrong absconds with the bodybuilding exhibition gate receipts, and ends up being chased from Boutwell Auditorium down 20th Street through downtown B'ham and Five Points by a hundred or so bodybuilders dressed in even less than Ms. Field's Bikini--about enough material in all to half-fill a bushel basket. Not bad, if you're so inclined. Years later I was bicycling down Lakeshore Drive in Mountain Brook and went right by the house used as Bridges' residence. Recognized it immediately. I also suspect from the dialog that there were more nude scenes involving Ms. Field, Mr. Bridges, and a bathtub, that ended up on the cutting room floor. At one point she says to him, "...the bath's ready..." Although nothing of this nature has appeared in 28 years, I remain on the lookout. Bottom line: an excellent puff-piece, hardly of earth-shaking significance but still highly recommended.

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10 THINGS WE DIDNT KNOW LAST WEEK

The link to all ten things

my favourites
1. The Dutch have overtaken the Americans as the tallest people on Earth.
3. Seahorses do not mate for life but are promiscuous and bisexual - the most indiscriminate being the Australian bigbellied seahorse.
5. In China, James Bond is known as Lingling Qi - 007.
6. There are twice as many privately-owned tigers in the US as there are in the wild in the rest of the world.
10. Brazil nuts are seeds encased in an outer shell that weighs more than 1kg. More details

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RANDOM FUNNY VIDEOS

Mixing things up is good, especially when you take beatbox and the Lion sleeps tonite song

http://www.funnyburger.com/index.php?page=embed&id=5062

childish pranks – excellent

http://www.funnyburger.com/index.php?page=embed&id=4610

Paula Abdul drunk on TV, and a lot more entertaining than the other times I have seen her

http://www.funnyburger.com/index.php?page=embed&id=4413

funny workout

http://www.funnyburger.com/out.php?id=5046

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RANDOM FACT

Stephen King wrote Stand by Me and he wrote "The Running Man" under a different name and nobody knew until a reporter one day uncovered the mystery. The name he used was

Richard Bachman

he even had a fake photo for the person. If you want to find out more check out the link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Bachman

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DIARY OF A PARANOID MAN

Monday

I think they can see my screen on the other side of the room, I told my manager I wasn't happy that the other drones can see my screen, now the boss drone is watching my screen. Why is everyone looking at my screen, every time I look at there is nothing interesting to look at, so I look at their screens

Tuesday

a man on the other side of the office blows his nose at least three times a day, why don't I need to blow my nose so much?

Wednesday

why does Gillian McKeith like looking at peoples poo so much. When I look at my poo I don't feel any emotion, even the ones with nuts in.

Thursdays

Someone parked in my car parking spot today, why are people suddenly parking in different spots, they knew something I don't but I'll find out

Friday

The car park investigation was a success, I found a manager from another office parked in our managers space who then parked in someone else's space etc etc etc

---

MR WILSON TURNED UP TO 11

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Kids TV

defenders of the earth

the lyrics to this intro are brilliant and I really like the way they say "defenders"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPzDe61lujc

centurians

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szjcCB8m3G8

episode 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4z2tQvzEito&mode=related&search=

I have been asked to put in some Gummi Bears this week, so here is some Gummi Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere

I have been asked to put in some Gummi Bears this week

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TXpPrVX_mU

an episode

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lotxVoqOgM

---

IN ZOD WE TRUST

---

FOOTBALL STUFF

stolen from the Guardians fiver email

"Thinking yesterday's sign-off line ("WHY TRIPOD, MIKE?") was an obscure song lyric, I typed it into Google and hit 'I'm feeling lucky'. Instead I found a YouTube video of 'Tripod Mike', a scantily-clad dwarf, getting spanked by a woman in a paddling pool full of apple sauce. Now I feel sick" - Dan Carroll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyBfvVedm3E

although that is good, I up the stakes with this

HOT CHICKS In Choc. Pudding Wrestle MUST SEE!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne2B_4wLDls&mode=related&search=

Female Jello Wrestling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT-V5v3UO6g&mode=related&search=

Football365 - quotes of the week

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8750_1902978,00.html

Football365 - diving

Sean Davis and Lee Diving incident.Hilarious!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqF9Sc_6MGk

a piece of cricket speak from the BBC

21st over: England 89-3

Bell carves McGrath over backward- point and England scamper three. Collingwood then gives Pigeon the charge and rat-a-tats him straight over his head for a maximum. McGrath adopts the teapot - he is an extraordinarily angry man.

---

ENTERTAINMENT (The Death Of)

this was under ENTERTAINMENT on the BBC website, well don't you believe it, it should be filed under HORROR

Alley to star in US Dibley remake

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/rss/-/1/hi/entertainment/6335037.stm

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MONTY YOU ARE A TERRIBLE .....

Some Monty highlights from Withnail and I, not I, look y ou know whats going on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp0ulWd8CYg&mode=user&search=

if you want Withnail and I quotes sent to your inbox

http://www.answers.com/topic/newman-and-baddiel-in-pieces

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

i can feel the chamber filling with red hot magma

street stylin, free wheelin, I'm the man who gets the ladies clothes a peelin

Mother : I came home to a house of crums

Bossman : Everyone just to tell Rob is off ill this week, he is covered in spots and feels terrible

Pleb : Thats great, I mean not for Rob but it's good news for my project

Pleb 1: I thought about you on the weekend

Pleb2: thats good, did it make you last longer

---

WORD OF THE WEEK

What is sexsomnia?

Amorous while asleep

http://go.theregister.com/feed/http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/02/03/the_odd_body_sexsomnia/

Falling asleep after sex is common, but falling, sleeping and staying asleep during sex is another matter. The condition is called sexsomnia.

Sexsomnia occurs when a person is asleep and yet proceeds to initiate sexual activity with their bedmate. Sexsomnia is also known as "somnambulistic sexual behaviour".

---

URBAN LEGENDS

A mistress finds a wedding ring in the pocket of her fella and then puts it on his penis!!

http://www.snopes.com/love/revenge/ring.asp

---

WORK DOODLE

---

THE CHUCKLE BROTHERS

don't worry they are still going strong

http://www.thisistheatre.com/regional/birminghamalexandra.html

---

MSN MADNESS

Grinning Malcontent says:

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2189732.html

mandrake says:

cool

mandrake says:

we can replace cats

Grinning Malcontent says:

cats are rubbish

Grinning Malcontent says:

pigs are well friendly

Grinning Malcontent says:

went to chester zoo with my girl and my neice

Grinning Malcontent says:

and in the petting zoo bit of it

Grinning Malcontent says:

the pig was the only thing interested

Grinning Malcontent says:

the shetland ponies were in a strop and not paying any attention

Grinning Malcontent says:

and there were chickens goin mental in a corner

Grinning Malcontent says:

Mr Pig just wanted to come and check you out

Grinning Malcontent says:

then have his belly tickled

mandrake says:

they are good fun

Grinning Malcontent says:

and very very tasty

Grinning Malcontent says:

with brown sauce

mandrake says:

hmmm BLT

mandrake says:

sausages

mandrake says:

pork

mandrake says:

they are the best animal ever invented

Grinning Malcontent says:

all come from the same magical animal

Grinning Malcontent says:

they should cross pigs with chickens

Grinning Malcontent says:

get your eggs and bacon all mixed up

---

LADY SOVERIGN

get a bit of Lady Sov in your life and then you can say things like "offically the biggest midget in the game"

http://www.ladysovereign.com/flash.php

http://www.myspace.com/ladysovereign

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MSN MADNESS

Elvis Crin says:

haha

Elvis Crin says:

good skills with the getting hyper drunk

Elvis Crin says:

did you record the bollywood song on your phone?

mandrake says:

people were astounded at my level of drunkness

mandrake says:

I went from talking to not being able to speak or walk in about 20 minutes

Elvis Crin says:

wasn't in work was it?

mandrake says:

no it was a wedding evening bash

Elvis Crin says:

HAHAHA

Elvis Crin says:

"How I ruined someone's wedding"

Elvis Crin says:

i will warn my girlfriend

Elvis Crin says:

Elvis Crin says:

last Thursday I went to the beer festival in Atherton in the evening (near pie landi)

Elvis Crin says:

real ales and black pudding to eat

Elvis Crin says:

i got mashed on Moonraker

Elvis Crin says:

7.5%

Elvis Crin says:

and other things

Elvis Crin says:

including a bottle of luminous green cactus juice

Elvis Crin says:

i got home

Elvis Crin says:

then woke my girlfriend up at 4am

Elvis Crin says:

"what are you doing?" she asked as i scrabbled around in the corner

Elvis Crin says:

"going to the bog!!!"

Elvis Crin says:

NO NO, not in here

Elvis Crin says:

so she ushered me out

Elvis Crin says:

then i walked into the back bedroom

Elvis Crin says:

starkers

Elvis Crin says:

and opened the curtains with the light on

Elvis Crin says:

and was about to slash on the window

Elvis Crin says:

then she directed me to the bog

Elvis Crin says:

Danger Averted

Elvis Crin says:

I got in about 10am on Friday and slept at my desk until lunchtime

Elvis Crin says:

when i went for a pint

Elvis Crin says:

Elvis Crin says:

She says it's dead wierd

Elvis Crin says:

as I'm talking to her

Elvis Crin says:

but am still asleep

mandrake says:

It's like having an evil twin, who comes into your house, goes mental annoying people

mandrake says:

and then you come back the next day (i.e. wake up) and get in trouble for all the stuff he has done

mandrake says:

in some ways I don't even think its right to blame me for his actions the next day

Elvis Crin says:

indeed

Elvis Crin says:

i'd never do what he does

Elvis Crin says:

as I have to clean it up next day

Elvis Crin says:

whos wedding was it?

mandrake says:

my mate from sixth form

mandrake says:

luckily I missed the day event, the speeches were mega boring

mandrake says:

the best mans speech lasted 55 minutes

mandrake says:

and at one point they tried to slow clap him off but he wouldn't go

Elvis Crin says:

haha

---

COPY COPY COPY

this is the Indian restaurant sketch way before Goodness Gracious Me did it and there was probably a sketch before this one

Goodness Gracious Me before they did it

The Mary Whitehouse Experience - Restaurant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m61EVOTX_8&mode=related&search=

---

The greatest comeback since Lazarus, who the bleep is Lazarus

I have often wondered who Lazarus was and why he was always mentioned in comebacks

here is some blurb from wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lazarus

Lazarus is the name of two separate characters in the New Testament. The more famous one is the subject of the miracle recounted in John 11:41–44, in which Jesus raises him from the dead. The other one appears only in Jesus' parable of Lazarus and Dives recorded in Luke 16:19–31. Due to this story the name is often used to connote restoration, as in the scientific term Lazarus taxon, referring to organisms that reappear in the fossil record after a period of apparent extinction; there are numerous literary uses of the term. The Lazarus phenomenon refers to an event in which a person spontaneously returns to life (the heart starts beating again) after resuscitation has been given up.

---

THATS YOU THAT IS - MARY WHITEHOUSE CLIPS

Mary Whitehouse experience

http://www.answers.com/topic/newman-and-baddiel-in-pieces

lets analysis History today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WFmY9m80fw&mode=related&search=

History Today Part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UMedd03JCA&mode=related&search=

History Today Part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrMBHZWe2S8&mode=related&search=

History Today part 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN7y0Sb0s6Y&mode=related&search=

History Today part 4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXbNtBOO0o8&NR

---

SNOW - INFORMER (1993)

Although I was happy to sing licky boom boom down and didn't really think they were the lyrics, well they are!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fki7agpULSY

SNOW LYRICS

"Informer"

[CHORUS:]
Informer
You know say daddy me snow me-a (gonna) blame
A licky boom-boom down
'Tective man he say, say Daddy Me Snow me stab someone down the lane
A licky boom-boom down

Police-a them-a they come and-a they blow down me door
One him come crawl through through my window
So they put me in the back the car at the station
From that point on I reach my destination
Well the destination reached in down-a East detention
Where they whip down me pants look up me bottom

[CHORUS]

Bigger they are they think they have more power
There on the phone me say that on hour
Me for want to use it once and-a me call me lover
Lover who me callin'-a the one Tammy
And me love her in my heart down to my belly-a
Yes say Daddy Me Snow me I feel cool and deadly
Yes the one MC Shan and the one Daddy Snow
Together we-a love 'em(?) as a tornado

[CHORUS]

Listen to me ya better listen for me now
Listen to me ya better listen for me now
When-a me rock-a the microphone, me rock on steady-a
Yes-a Daddy Me Snow me are the article don
But the in an a-out (?) a dance an they say, "Where ya come from?"
People them say I come from Jamaica
But me born and raised (in the ghetto) I want ya to know-a
Pure black people man thats all I man know
Yeah me shoes are-a tear up an-a my toes used to show-a
Where me-a born in-a the one Toronto

[CHORUS]

Come with a nice young lady
Intelligent, yes she gentle and irie
Everywhere me go me never lef' her at all-ie
Yes-a Daddy Snow me are the roam dance man-a
Roam between-a dancin' in-a in-a nation-a
You never know say Daddy Me Snow me are the boom shakata
Me never lay-a down flat in-a one cardboard box-a
Yes-a Daddy Me Snow me-a go reachin' out da top

[CHORUS]

Why would he? [repeat]

[MC Shan:]

Me sittin round cool with my jiggy jiggy girl
Police knock my door, lick up my pal
Rough me up and I cant do a thing
Pick up my line when my telephone ring
Take me to the station, black up my hands
Trail me down 'cause I'm hangin with the Snowman
What an I gonna do, I'm backed and I'm trapped
Smack me in my face, took all of my gap
They have no clues and they wanna get warmer
But Shan won't turn informer

[CHORUS]


[ www.azlyrics.com ]

---

SOME FIGHTING CLIPS

All blokes like fighting, I in particular like watching fighting where I reduce my chances of being hit dramatically

Mike Zambidis compilation knockouts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyD79cpjdt4

Mike Zambidis vs. Cope

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKYOWbG8Ekc&mode=related&search=

---

AMUSING WORD OF THE WEEK

---

AMUSING WORD OF THE WEEK

---

MSN MADNESS

mandrake says:

have you watched that cannon and ball clip

mandrake says:

it is mega crap

there is no true beauty without decay says:

no

there is no true beauty without decay says:

i want to watch a cannonball clip

mandrake says:

Brave star

mandrake says:

eyes of the hawk

mandrake says:

strength of the bear

mandrake says:

speed of the puma

there is no true beauty without decay says:

my mate

there is no true beauty without decay says:

when we were 15

there is no true beauty without decay says:

got drunk on cider

there is no true beauty without decay says:

and ran round the park

there is no true beauty without decay says:

then prayed to a tree

there is no true beauty without decay says:

sayign "give me the warmth of ten jumpers"

there is no true beauty without decay says:

in a brave starr stylee

---

THE FISH LINE

right another blog done with some more interesting clips for your viewing pleasure. If anyone has anything they want to send me, send it to amusingitstories@gmail.com remember the mantra - share the wealth.

This weeks power of paint was Steve McClaren, really bad this week and thats thanks to my goodself.

see you same time same place next week.

Good afternoon to you all and welcome to this weeks feast of youtube video goodness

of course it's Optimus prime, see more of him later

---

STILL HAVENT FOUND WHAT THEIR LOOKING FOR

below are the words typed into a search engine and which lead people to this blog

• why causality suck
• srafiki squash banana sound clip
• gillian mckeith poo paintings
• boy wedgie story
• spanking wedgie
• photographs of reflex nightclub bolton"karate kid" daniel exercises boring
• Stories of girls being spanked or caned at school
• aussiebum theme lay your hands on me
• trinny and susannah undress video's
• skull society members guestbook 2007
• youtube aled jonesmy girlfriend wants to party all the time lyrics
• hardknox fire like this free mp3

---

this would really test peoples believes, if you couldn't eat any more bacon sandwiches

http://www.jesusveg.com/

---

---

Rubbish Saturday TV

CANNON AND BALL

Yes indeed they are just as bad as I remember

Adam Ant on Cannon & Ball

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aIg9avhmJA

Boys in Blue - Cannon & Ball

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6frU9fiaFk

---

AMUSING WORD OF THE WEEK

from dictionary.com

Word of the Day for Monday, January 29, 2007

gadabout \GAD-uh-bout\, noun: Someone who roams about in search of amusement or social activity.

In his unorthodox and callow way, he frequently upset and annoyed his countrymen, but they continued to vote for him, perhaps taking a vicarious pleasure in being led by such a world-famous gadabout. -- "Milestones of 2000", Times (London), December 29, 2000 She hugged him fiercely. "Oh, I love you, Jake Grafton, you worthless gadabout fly-boy, you fool that sails away and leaves me." -- Jack Anderson, Control Teddy was a bon vivant and gadabout. -- Nadine Brozan, "Born in a Trunk: The Story of the Hornes", New York Times, June 20, 1986 Mr. Hart-Davis, as befits a professional literary man, is something of a gadabout. -- Daphne Merkin, "From Two Most English Men", New York Times, June 23, 1985

---

Waddell Quotes

Mr C sent this in, I have seen these before and I think they are from the BBC website, anyway who care, just enjoy. I like listening to Waddell because all of a sudden he just shouts out something odd, without any warning. You have to respect anyone who can get that excited about watching darts. Also as a bonus fact for those of you who don't know, Sid Waddell wrote Josssy Giants the brilliant kids TV show.

Here are just twenty lines from a great selection of commentary used by Waddell down the years.

1. "He's got a heart as big as Moby Dick!"
2. "That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."
3. "Bristow reasons ... Bristow quickens ... Aaahhhhh, Bristow."
4. "Jocky Wilson ... what an athlete."
5. "He's about as predictable as a wasp on speed."
6. "When Alexander of Macedonia was 33 he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer - Bristow is only 27"
7. "The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips... you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them."
8. "As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here."
9. "There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions."
10. "This lad has more checkouts than Tescos."
11. "There's only one word for that - magic darts!"
12. "Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!"
13. "Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles."
14. "Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in Essex."
15. "If you had to throw a knife at your wife in the circus, you'd want to throw it like that."
16. "That could be a total eclipse of the Part..."
17. "Painter's not bothering with an undercoat... He's gone straight to gloss!"
18. "That's quality with a capital 'K'!"
19. "Hang on to your electric kettles..."
20. "Barneveld's copying of Taylor's understacker will be his downfall" (This was mentioned at least twice in commentary during the 2007 PDC World Championship by Waddell. Barneveld went on to beat Taylor in an epic final on New Year's Day)

---

CHILDRENS TV

How weird is it that his horse can fire a gun, this is ridiculous a horse could never pull the trigger, it makes this show much less believable, although I never noticed when I was a nipper

Brave Star

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE3F5dot4pk

and this could be a whole 20 minute Peter Kay sketch, look Brave Star in German

Brave Star German Intro

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikbIpgmySXU

---

---

Learning with Kernels: Support Vector Machines, Regularization, Optimization, and Beyond (MIT Press, 2001)

---

BAD SONG LYRICS

---

---

HOSKING SALUTES

Hosking Salutes are for acts of outstanding bravery in the face of drunkenness.

I salute myself this week, after warning my bird not to too drunk and ruin the evening, I then proceeding to get completely trashed drinking white wine (to get me drunk)

I made a massive napkin cock in the toilets. Half way through making the penis someone came in and caught me, to their credit they said it's good but it needs some pubes, so we ripped up some toilet paper. later I was sick and lost the ability to talk and recognise people. finishing off getting a cab with someone who had just recorded a song for a bollywood song. In my drunken state, I loved the song so much that I started singing along.

the next day someone asked me

"is it true that someone found you asleep on the toilet floor"

Hosk "I have no idea"

A retro Hosking Salute to all the people who went to K2 curry a few years ago, he is the Mighty Gav recalling how the trip to K2 went

K2 - is that the one where we were too pissed to remember what we ordered - the one with Omar Sharif? I went back there once with my Birmingham Uni mates and he screwed an extra four quid each out of us because it was "jazz week" and they had a band on. Flamin' chancer.

But if I wasn't off on holiday tomorrow I'd still be up like a shot!

---

---

FAMILY GUY

It's funny, I don't watch that often but when I do blurt out a few chortles, so why not get some youtube clips of family guy I thought to myself, so I did.

collection

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU9UDJ6RQro&NR

family guy - never ending story

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOeM8Xh-jVQ&mode=related&search=

shoot her tyres out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Uppfr7v9Og&mode=related&search=

Brian's novel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJDt2CMjmiY&mode=related&search=

Family guy - mortal kombat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gyzBPixzKA&mode=related&search=

The Best of Steve

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7vsH84YcF8&mode=related&search=

---

FOOTBALL BIT

Where Are They (The Pundits) Now?

http://www.football365.com/john_nicholson/0,17033,8746_1884662,00.html

The Villa fan in the office told me about this chant for their new signing

'He's claret. And Blue. His name is John Carew, Careeew, Careeew'

rubbish, I think they should be (to the theme of the Doctor Who song - not the Doctor Who Theme tune)

JOOOOHHNNN CAREEEEEEEW, HEY JOOOOHHNN CAREW

---

---

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2007/01/10_things_we_didnt_know_last_w_11.shtml

1. The Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, was asked to be on Celebrity Big Brother.

5. Only four postcodes in the UK do not have a Tesco. They are the Outer Hebrides, the Shetlands, Orkney and Harrogate.

7. Guinness turns out red, rather than black, if the barley is roasted for less time than normal.

10. A haddock's mating call starts as a slow knocking sound, before turning into a quicker hum similar to a small motorcycle revving its engine. (More details.)

---

Senor stag

They mix archery, drinking and stags do's, I hear they supply free eye patches to anyone hit in the eye

http://barcelona.senorstag.com/index/436

---

Amsterdam Rob's hot ones

Robot hand shakes man

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7472502197006303244

scientists mucking about again

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=136101437706176785

45 minutes of comedian Russel Peters

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2579833089500205658&q=genre%3Acomedy

The spice girls naked

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=2084119426610471271

the worlds first wheelchair backflip

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=656193898147576910

Girl in human sling shot at millionaire's home in Utah

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=8959221252413764426

---

What happened to.....

Robert Newman

He was liked much more than the other fat one in the Mary Whitehouse experience

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7374585792978336967&q=genre%3Acomedy

---

POWER OF PAINT

---

talking of Robert Newman made me think of the Mary Whitehouse show, a classic of its day. I had a brief look but I may look again next week and get "thats you that is" clip.

All time favourite record

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGltIEl2lBQ

The Mary Whitehouse Experience - The Swearing Experience

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhcZa5XAtZI

The Mary Whitehouse Experience - The Library Experience

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrlFDhVn_PY

The Mary Whitehouse Experience - The South Bank Show

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXCjQNCD1A

---

RETRO TOYS

Speak and Spell

I wonder if Hawkins ever played with one of these

http://www.speaknspell.co.uk/

Transformers - Robots in Disguise

Optimus Prime

There is some general information on this link and you cans see a few of other transformers

http://www.transformerland.com/classics.php?FigureName=Optimus%20Prime

and here is a google video link

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6064860781506767906

---

LAST MINUTE THINGS TO CHUCK IN

http://www.peekvid.com/

here is another late entry into this weeks blog

Running from camera. This is his Unique selling point

The rules are simple: I put the self-timer on 2 seconds, push the button and try to get as far from the camera as I can.

http://runningfromcamera.blogspot.com/

this video is freaky, I don't really know whats going on

the blurb next to the video says this

A Non-Newtonian fluid, so named because it's properties cannot be described in terms of the concepts of classical fluids, can be created ... all » easily in the home. This example is a mixture of corn starch and water, roughly 10 parts cornstarch to 1 water.

When stress is applied to the liquid it exhibits properties of a solid. Especially interesting is the reaction when it is disturbed at certain frequencies. Using a frequency generator and a subwoofer, the tub of fluid was placed on top of the subwoofer's hole, which is emitting sound at 50 hz.

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-3839015462258921350&b3ta

and this is what happens if you fill a pool with it

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-8183380788103127428

The Last late Entry - Talking Dogs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCYaw5tGYAs

---

FINISH LINE IS THE LINE JUST ABOVE

thanks for all the contributions, it certainly makes it a lot easier if I have stuff to paste into the blog rather than scouting about for it myself. Remember readers this is an exercise in sharing the wealth of funny links, videos and pictures you have been sent, you also have the advantage of knowing where to find a link to it again in the future. Think of the site as a bookmark of funny stuff. So if you have any funny stuff send it to amusingitstories@gmail.com

This weeks Power of Paint was Jermaine Jackson, who named one of his sons - Jemajesty. Good work lad.

I also have to give myself a pat on the back for work doodle of the scary bear

BE SEEING YOU