Thursday, January 25, 2007

Amusing IT Stories - 13th Edition - The Last French in the Village

Howdy there youtube fans and lovers of the retro vibe that is sooo popular these days. I only wish I had bottled some 80's air so I could sell it on Ebay.

Anyway on with the show

Here is a picture of the stag who's stag do I attended in Newcastle. A lot people ask me what newcastle is like, it's cold and windy and I don't really know because I only saw a select group of pubs and clubs which will allow 22 drunken blokes in. Amusing we went to the rugby match Newcastle Falcons versus Brieve. Amusingly the newcastle locals assumed we were French because the stag was dressed funny.





R KELLY AND HIS ROCK OPERA

I was talking about these the other day, under the murky title of "what was that song with R Kelly singing about some midget in the cupboard"



HOSK PICTURE


RETRO SWEET


I forgot what this delicious chewy treat was called, all I could remember was the bright colours.

It was memorable without actually being that tasty because it lots its flavour in five minutes flat and then was like chewing plastic (hey why hasn't that been invented). Still it was only 2 pence a pop so who could complain.






STILL HAVENT FOUND WHAT THEIR LOOKING FOR

kitton cannon
hair fetish chatroom
"Wedgie War"
vibrating panty gaff
tree hanging wedgie
+"short trousers" +spanking
spanked on short trousers
"sex at the same time" record guinness
everret sexy girls
Kenny Everett 'Soap on a rope'
banging machine fooking trailer boobs
"wife spanking"
aliens breeding milking boobs
swinging or dogging in blackpool england
alright on the night fashanu
carrots make boobs grow



WHIZBIT DOES EXIST

I was talking to some young pup who was born in the 80's and didn't know many of the classic shows I used to watch and then I said remember Whizbit , Paul Daniels showing us magic tricks and talking to a big bit of cheese on legs. He looked at me completely dumbfounded and then enquired if I had made it up and it sounded very unlikely. Suddenly I doubted myself, it sounded stupid, surely I must have dreamt it, it sounds like a classic night terror to me. But ha, how do you like these clips young un.

Wizbit clip with Paul Daniels

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7Sny9x6tqQ

Wizbit - Clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=my28niMNMQo&mode=related&search=

Wizbit - Clip 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQSsG0CamJk&mode=related&search=

Wizbit - Clip 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1SsI-SGvzQ&mode=related&search=

Wizbit - Clip 4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrWdFQfOLyU&mode=related&search=

Wizbit - Clip 5

have a read about whizbit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wizbit

imdb link

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367438/

but what about Debi I hear you cry, she runs a model agency these days

http://www.debbiemcgeemodels.com/


I always like the quote from Lou throxoux "so what first attracted you to millionaire paul daniels"









FOOTBALL NEWS

JOHNSON TOILET SCAM FOILED

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8652_1854790,00.html

A worker at the store told The Sun: "We all recognised Johnson. No one could quite believe a bloke like him, with all that money, would be moronic enough to nick a toilet seat. But that's what him and May were doing.

Robbie Savage gets hit in the face lots of times: http://www.popbitch.com/videos/

footballers injuring themselves celebrating

http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8751_1864223,00.html

I like what the man says, Football 365's John Nicholson tells it how it is

Alan Green: Hero Or Total Tw*t?

http://www.football365.com/john_nicholson/0,17033,8746_1867052,00.html

I have to admit I hate bloody Green, he is always moaning about referees in his smug manner, saying things are ridiculous.

CHASERS VIDEO SECTION

I have no real idea who/what chasers are but they seem to be some kind of American comedy thing and well they take the piss out of Americans, so they are all right with me

Chasers War On Everything - Americans

The Chasers War on Everything - Terrorist by Any Other Name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej8mNBeub34

The Chaser's War on Everything - Terrorist security response

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McB9tsabPn0&mode=related&search=

Chaser's War on Everything Episode 1 - Superbowl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr90Z5QrlVc&mode=related&search=


BISCUIT DOODLE

Bisky asked me what he should draw, so I said a Bible selling lizard of course.


KIDS TV - SATURDAY MORNING

Saturday TV

Wackaday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkL6kAKJJaY&mode=related&search=

Mallett's Mallet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUfv-tAfXn4&mode=related&search=

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

I keep hearing good quotes and then forgetting the bastards


Do Remember watching Wizbit, with paul daneils and this cheese on legs

no, are you sure that really happened

well it sounds ridicolous but I'm sure there was show like that on TV


i did have a quote fo the week but i forgot it in the excitement



I promised myself that if I finished this problem I would reward myself by going for a poo, I thought it would only take 15 minutes but here I am 2 hours later, the little devil is poking his head out.

The Berlin wall, what's all that all about, what did it do, why did they make it.

"I've told him if he wants a poker night at ours (once we can afford some dining chairs!), I will make you sausages especially!!"

RETRO CHILDHOOD TV

CITIES OF GOLD - DODODODODO

I have to admit it's a lot wierder than I could remember

Cities of Gold

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZC1rvmOJKI

Mysterious Cities of Gold - The Giant Snake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvVxW4_Vv2Y&mode=related&search=

Return to the Temple

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wmnqET4a5Q&mode=related&search=


BISCUIT ARTY STUFF LINK

he was trying to tell me this is a frozen tidal way, I think all that painting and drawing with crayons may have finally mucked up his brain, still it's a cool picture of a load of ice.

http://www.harkvideos.com/arctic.htm


HOSK DOODLE

MR C's Newsround

Farty Pants launched

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2168888.html

Tattooist sued over penis prank

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2168696.html?menu=news.quirkies

The victim told Terra Argentina: "I could not see what he was tattooing because he didn't have a mirror. I only saw it when I got home and showed it to my parents."

Britain's sexiest car - the Volvo Estate!

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2023911.html?menu=news.quirkies.sexlife

According the pollsters, some 68% of people have had sex in a car and one in 10 say they had even got fruity while driving.

Six per cent said they had damaged their vehicles while getting busy - but only one in 100 of these were bold enough to claim on their insurance.

Canoe man grabs shark

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2079314.html?menu=news.quirkies.quirkygaffes

Victorian joke book proves that the old ones aren't best

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article2171694.ece

a world gone mad:

Kwispelbier, marketed as "a beer for your best friend", is made from a special brew of beef extract and malt.

Microwave zaps germs on sponges, study finds

you just have to wonder what exactly the "scientists" were studying

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=healthNews&storyid=2007-01-22T201935Z_01_N22492863_RTRUKOC_0_US-GERMS-SPONGES.xml

Bank charge victim sends bailiffs

http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/campaigns/bankcharges/article.html?in_article_id=416671&in_page_id=507

NAPPIES FOR DOGS - WRONG WRONG WRONG

this deserves it's own section, the video on this site is wrong. Firstly it's a wierd accordian poo nappy for dogs, that's the first wrong. The cheerful music with birds tittering is the second wrong. the third wrong is watching the dog feeling the accordian/hoover bag, the poor devil doesn't know whether to squat or what. Lastly the bloke seems to havea good look at the contents of the dirt bag.

http://www.flabber.nl/archief/017859.php

EMO

no not the youth band type whiner whingy thing but the comic

here is his home page

http://www.emophilips.com/home

a few audio clips


http://www.emophilips.com/audio/138


http://www.emophilips.com/audio/140

WHERE ARE THEY NOW

Last week it was was Tony Hart and this week it's Screech from "saved by the bell"


Screech from Saved By The Bell, see what he is up to by looking at this link

he is alive and kicking and touring as a stand up comedian!








THE HARD SELL

I saw this article in the guardian and it made me chuckle

Vauxhall

Sam Delaney
Saturday January 13, 2007

Guardian

Let's be honest, there's nothing glamorous about Vauxhalls. Their people carrier fleet constitutes the last word in suburban misery-wagons. Their ads don't even try to claim otherwise: they portray the average Vauxhall driver for what he is: middle-aged, world-weary and slightly tubby. The twist, of course, is that they allow two young children to play the parts of these heartbreaking stereotypes. Only one of the kids has now grown to almost adult size rendering the premise slightly flawed.

In the latest ad he looks easily old enough to parent a child of his own. Weirdly, his mate doesn't seem to have aged at all. Something funny's going on there. I've always thought there was something depressingly fatalistic about the whole campaign: as if the kids were destined for bleak, monotonous futures from the moment they left the womb. Wasn't that the sort of socioeconomic vicious circle Labour said they'd get rid of? I'd like to sit Gordon Brown down in front of a Vauxhall Zafira ad then ask him to tell me that social justice really exists in Britain. He'd be well baffled.

Anyway, the role reversal theme is a skilful distraction from the advert's mournful sentiment: if you own a Vauxhall you have pretty much given up on life. You used to dream of curing cancer or becoming a Shaolin monk, but now you're happy just as long as you get home from the garden centre in time for Just The Two Of Us without one of the kids spilling Ribena on the backseat. Still, who are the rest of us to judge? Life presents a similar anticlimax to everyone - at least Vauxhall drivers have the foresight to buy a sensible vehicle in which to confront it.

Guardian Unlimited © Guardian News and Media Limited 2007


HOSK ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE

inspired by the hard sell article in the guardian I thought I would come up with my own car advert, now how shall I do this, shouldI have cars flying about to sinatra, some cuddly soft toys shouting come on or perhaps someone being sent the wrong way by their satalite navigation system so they can have fun driving up a curly road. No no no, I need something original.

stilll thinking

ahhaha Animals

I shall have the first scene with one rat who comes running over the hill, scampering a long. You notice he has a number stuck to his err fur. and then you see loads of rats seemingly chasing him. Scampering scampering faster faster.

then you see a lovely red shiny Skoda come racing over the hill, the pack of rats scatter and then the lonely leading rat jumps onto the bonnet of the car then the words pop up on screen

"Life's a rat race, drive the new Skoda and get a head of the pack"

IT Related Stuff

BOFH: The mystery of the vandalised office

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/01/19/bofh_2007_episode_3/



WOMEN, BLESS EM

I was thinking about getting my haircut on Saturday but due to a series of not being arsed occurrences I didn't. This week my bird suggested I should get my haircut on Thursday because a lot of hairdressers open late on Thursdays.

Lets get this straight, blokes go to Barbers, not salons. Barbers are run by old men who definitely don't open late on Thursdays. Why would they open late, maybe so we could do some late night shopping!

It's another example of woman once again not understanding the simple straight forward mans world.

join me next week for the topic "why real men don't shave body hair"

DANCE OFF

Someone asked what a windmill was, so here is a clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTEGrml9nX8

and here is some body popping

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFfl8CJLas4&mode=related&search=

here is kraftwork - Robots

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4VBMSVDRdM

the nerdier they are the MORE Robot they can dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNqvhJhcC90

these is how everyone else does it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qDQDRRguhM&mode=related&search=

here's a skating robot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRDjwG9a1uk

RANDOM STUFF

Stanley Gibbons

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/stanley+gibbons/

BAD LYRICS

It's a bad song with a twist - AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE. This was especially requested by big Mo and he said he would do the retro game section, which he didn't do BOOOOOOO

Mona Mona

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2ZW_uTlhEQ

Mona

(McDaniels)

I say hey, Mona
Oh, Mona
I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mona
Oh, Mona
I tell you Mona what I wanna do
I'll build a house next door to you
Can I see you sometimes?
We can blow kisses through the blinds
Yeah can I out come out on the front
And listen to my heart go bumpety bump
I need you baby that's no lie
Without your love I'd surely die
I say hey, Mona
Oh, Mona
I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mona
Oh, Mona
I say hey, hey Mona
Oh, Mona
I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mona
Oh, Mona
I tell you Mona what I wanna do
I'm gonna build a house next door to you
Can I see you sometime?
We can blow kisses through the blinds
Yeah can I out come out on the front
And listen to my heart go bumpety bump
I need you baby that's no lie
Without your love I'd surely die
I say hey, hey Mona
Oh, Mona
I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mona
Oh, Mona

Russ Abbott

For some reason there are no clips of Russ Abbot on youtube, this could because he was rubbish. I couldn't really remember what he was like. Instead of clips you will have to read about him. I have copied some stuff from wikipedia, it's well worth going on to read all of it, it's actually quite interesting

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russ_Abbot

The Russ Abbot Show showed his talents as an all round entertainer and attracted millions of viewers. This show was very popular amongst younger viewers prompting 2 annuals to be published in 1982 and 1983. The annuals featured comic strips based on popular characters plus some publicity photos of Russ in a variety of guises.

After many years, Abbot bought the performing rights to his hit Atmosphere and refuses to allow it to be played on radio as he considers it to be a dire representation of his talents; however, many consider this to be a classic novelty hit (it spent no fewer than 2 months in the UK Top 20 in 1984).

He had a bad accident with hair plugs in the early 90's but no pictures exist of the dimple-era Abbot. He has now accepted his baldness and stopped wearing wigs/hats

he made this great song and then later banned it himself

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFPLk5mJ1D4


I tried searching for Russ Abott stuff and couldn't find any so here are some kung fu stuff

The Drunken Master

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXo2rZ1cdNY&mode=related&search=


Taekwondo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfxAn3ImjqI

MSN MADNESS

Jazz Whistler says:

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article2171694.ece

don't tap on the aquarium says:

imagine that could have been anyones joke book

Jazz Whistler says:

the bob monkhouse of his day

Jazz Whistler says:

back when jokes were just slight plays on words

Jazz Whistler says:

or amusing observations that didn't offend

don't tap on the aquarium says:

imagine comparing anyone to bob monkhouse

Jazz Whistler says:

true

Jazz Whistler says:

i never thought i would

Jazz Whistler says:

is he still around?

Jazz Whistler says:

imdb.com is like a birth/death register

Jazz Whistler says:

as long as you've been on telly, once

Jazz Whistler says:

nope he's kicked the bucket

don't tap on the aquarium says:

the monkhouse is dead

don't tap on the aquarium says:

the house has been demolished

RETRO GAMES

I was trying to think of some kind of toy that used to be all the rage. The biscuit came up with this

Micro Machines travel city Drive through fish & chips


This is the micro machine travel city gas station. The set comes with drive through chip shop, menu sign, table and chairs and wheely bin. All these items fold up neatly into the base for easy storage and transporting. The set is in very good condition with only a few edges of the stickers starting to peel away

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Micro-Machines-travel-city-Drive-through-fish-chips_W0QQitemZ110079071778QQihZ001QQcategoryZ16483QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

ANOTHER STALLONE CLASSIC - OVER THE TOP!

this is how real men sort out their problems. Real men with real names, like Hawk and Smasher. The clips of the film remind me of King pin, like it is some kind of spoof. I think they missed a trick. Rocky could have stopped boxing (finally) and then went into Arm Wrestling.

I OWWWWWWN YOU.

I'm smasher... do you WANT IT?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOkY_fTktvE&mode=related&search=

ANOTHER GREAT CLIP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-h0NCFpCbk&NR

The Finale

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txUIq2O3wPE&mode=related&search=

Retro game

I used to play this bad boy on my Atari 2600, have a read of Wikipedia for some background info on River Raid

River raid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIsdqzgvkCw

this is on C64 so the graphics are better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Uf2jYtXQZE


A READERS LETTER

Enjoyed the blog this week.

In answer to one of your observations, Noel Edmonds' big melon heid is too big for his body because he is a fucking titch. I'm sure there's a quote from John Peel about him that goes something like, "He [Edmonds] could walk under a table, wearing full Indian head-dress".

Cheers

Gav

HOUSE HUNTING IN LONDON

This is almost a Daily Mail type horror story of house inflation. This article describes exactly how everyone who doesnt live in London, thinks the houses and flats are like there

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6287375.stm


RUBBISH SECTION

Me and Mr C had a go at typing what Muhammed Ali would say if he was fighting now and was English, I don't know why we did this and secondly it's plain rubbish

Hosks attempt

I beat Tim Henman at wimbledon, I beat Stevie Gerrard in long shot competition, I hit more sixes than peterson

Mr C's attempt

I sent Stallone Home, Beat Tyson with a Dyson, Knitted a pattern with Hatton and Turned Nazir "The Prince" into Mince!


Funny Song

sent in by a listener a song called

The internet is for porn

Word of the Day for Wednesday, January 17, 2007


foofaraw \FOO-fuh-raw\, noun:

1. Excessive or flashy ornamentation or decoration.
2. A fuss over a matter of little importance.


A somber, muted descending motif opens and closes the work, which is brief but effective. It provided much needed relief from the fanfares and foofaraw in which brass-going composers so often indulge.
-- Philip Kennicott, "Brass Spectacular is a Spectacle of Special Sound", St. Louis Post-Dispatch, January 17, 1997

After working in the news business for a number of years, I've become a bit cynical about mass-media coverage of events like the Y2K foofaraw.
-- Roy Clancy, "Ready for Y2K...", Calgary Sun, December 15, 1999

Making the Times best-seller list, or a movie, or all that other foofaraw is not necessarily proof of [a novel's] lasting significance.
-- Roger K. Miller, "Peyton Place' was remarkably good bad novel", Minneapolis Star Tribune, December 29, 1996

The word of the day was from dictionary.com
SPAM OF THE WEEK

This is a bit wierd but there you go thats spam for you. It did have a rubbish picture about some weight loss pills. still I think the spammers might be onto something, you send me porn stories and

If your animals could talk, Annie, they would tell you who the REAL dirty birdie around here is.
"he tried to scream, but only got out Annie you before his head flew off and rolled to the wall. Im leaving it because its damp down here and your legs may ache quite badly before I get back.


The End

BE SEEING YOU

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Amusing IT Stories - 12th Edition - The Brutal Deluxe Edition

Afternoon and damn good Friday to you all. This weeks blog is top banana with some fantastic retroising (not bad spelling but a new word for ya) going on and the blog is jam packed to the rafters with youtube videos spilling over the tight trousers to make a muffin topped action packed blog.


I thought I would start off with this clip because it is excellent, daft and a bit uplifting, plus it reminds me of sesame street


Jazz Whistler Ron McCroby on Johhny Carson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fabFOWhh4Qw

THEY STILL HAVENT FOUND WHAT THEIR LOOKING FOR

I love this section because it comes up with the oddest thoughts that ever existed, what the hell is a cod liver oil fart and what are people going to do with a Gillian McKeith poo chart. google searches like funny clogging stories, like there is going to be whole website devoted to funny clogging stories!!!! This one sounds weird - explain "leave my cheese out in the wind" but it's a quote from Ferris Bueller which I featured on one of the earlier blogs
  • weirdest b&b in blackpool
  • "cod liver oil" fart
  • field hockey "no knickers"
  • wondercum reviews
  • boobs 32c
  • Faith, I Wish I Were A Leprechaun Margaret Ritter
  • gilliam mckeith poo chart
  • football 365 awooga
  • gladiators fashanu theme tune
  • training montage wmv rocky iv
  • abosutly free women on women porn
  • Amusing stories about corpses
  • digusting food stories
  • saudi road skating hoax
  • amusing 60th birthday stories
  • what's the code to beat the Package gameon freeonlinegames.com?
  • hardknox fire like this wav
  • email - uxorious ocean - spam
  • swimsuit oil rub touch story
  • funnies toilet clogging stories
  • gay male spanking stories gavin pg
  • explain "leave my cheese out in the wind"
  • "His beard cascaded down his chest"
  • free download mp3 wmv jeremy beadle is about music
  • gervais bbc test card
  • boobs grow video's

RETRO SWEETS

These aren't quite the sweets I was thinking of but I was thinking of the sweets that crackled on your tongue and there were reports in the paper that if you ate them with coke you stomach would explode. Fantastic Willy Wonka nightmare sweet, that's what children want, sweets with some danger mixed in and cocaine in their cokes.






A GOOD OLD HORROR MOVIES

Bride of the Gorilla

Imdb have a great review

Tagline: Her clothes torn away, screaming in terror! (more)

Plot Outline: The owner of a plantation in the jungle marries a beautiful woman. Shortly afterward, he is plagued by a strange voodoo curse which transforms him into a gorilla. (more) (view trailer)

User Comments: Odd, almost surreal, jungle madness (more)


check out this review by a reader

Odd, almost surreal, jungle madness, 20 July 2001
Author: dana-dana from New York & Florida

O.K., so this is not a critical classic. In fact, it's oddball, low-budget nonsense. But you have to admit, it's great fun to watch. It's so strange that it forces you to watch it to the very end, just so you can be sure you are not making an error about the preposterous plot you're seeing. It's campy madness and I'd recommend it to anyone interested in the obscure. You will find yourself wondering: How did they ever get Raymond Burr to take such a role?


here is a link to the whole film

http://www.jonhs.net/freemovies/bride_of_the_gorilla.htm

WHEN MOTHER NATURE ATTACKS
Here are some wind action photos of the damage done by some strong winds, sent in by MR C, who was my reporter on the scene.

BOSH


Ref, Penalty!The tree makes a break for freedom and burst into next doors garden
The worlds first game of tree dominos was "not as fun as I thought it would" said player
Mr C's Newsround

Syphilis rates 'soaring in China'

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6253807.stm

Letting your hair down - a woman vows not to shave and men vow not have sex with her

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/rss/-/1/hi/magazine/6251239.stm

Shazia Mirza is a self-confessed "hairy woman".

"I have done everything to remove my hair. I have waxed, shaved, used my dad's lawnmower. It has taken so much time, so much effort, so many red blotches," says the 32-year-old comedian.

* Hordes queue for Burning Crusade *

Thousands of fans queue into the night to get their hands on the first major World of Warcraft expansion. Full story: http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/-/1/hi/technology/6263987.stm

Burger King rampage teen posts footage on YouTube

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/01/17/you_tube/

Shoecam man accused of filming up womens' skirts

http://www.reghardware.co.uk/2007/01/17/shoecam_nabbed/

"Officers said they have "a lot" of material to go through". I bet they did and they will have to double check it no doubt

BBFC interview: The censor speaks out

http://www.lovefilm.com/features/detail.html?section_name=interview&editorial_id=2599

Geeks in punch-up over game offer

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2161638.html

Page 3 girl in net sex vid shocker

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/01/16/internet_video/

Hazell explained: "We had taken a video camera on holiday with us to Tenerife last summer. We were both feeling relaxed after a couple of drinks and it just happened. I have turned down offers to do Playboy covers because there were certain things I simply didn't want others to see. Now I feel I have no dignity left."

HOSK ART

below is the Hosk rendition of the famous Dali painting persistance of memory


CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

http://80scartoons.co.uk/trapdoor.php

Crazy and hilarious 3D stop motion animation, featuring the cute blue creature Berk. Berk is a servant to The Thing Upstairs, and he lives in the servant quarters with his friends Boni (a talking skull) and Drutt (a naughty spider). Adventures are never far away when the Trap Door is left open and creatures find their way into the castle! Each episode lasts roughly 5 minutes.

BERK
The over-worked servant of the thing upstairs
SAYINGS
"Oh Globbits"
"Sniff that"
CLASSIC MOMENT
Every time he's cooking in his kitchen!


DRUTT
Berks troublesome naughty pet spider SAYINGs
As Terry Brain said...
"farty/squeaky sounds played backwards"
CLASSIC MOMENT
When Berk has enough and throws Drutt down the Trap Door!

BONI
The old, wise but moany skull SAYINGs
"Drutt - get off my trolley!" CLASSIC MOMENT
He gets a body (!) by a magic spell and runs around in joy!

ROG
Friendly monster from beneath the Trap Door SAYINGs
"Ello, my name's Rog" CLASSIC MOMENT
After Berk hits him, Rog throws him out the window!

Trapdoor reminds me a bit of the bar on tantoon

Trapdoor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe2vpM_eJRw


TrapDoor Season 1 Episode 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeOyJzNknV0&mode=related&search=

TrapDoor Season 7 Episode 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS1cCQEY42c&mode=related&search=

TrapDoor Season 4 Episode 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiYGXAiK2vQ&mode=related&search=

TrapDoor Season 1 Episode 13

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7MHue6kHjs&mode=related&search=

PEOPLE WHO YOU THINK ARE DEAD BUT AREN'T

This weeks person

Tony Hart, who looks a bit like Dracula to me

http://www.tonyhart.couk/images/THsignedpic.jpg

The Hartmiester is about 80, check out his website

http://www.tonyhart.co.uk

you can even book him, I don't know why or what you would do with him, I just hope no hen nights book him out

check out the guest book http://www.tonyhart.co.uk/guestbook/guest.asp

DEAR TONY
i HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY MARVELLOUS AND THAT I WISHED I COULD BE LIKE YOU, I LOVE MORPH AND I LOVED VISION ON AND I MISS IT AND THE SIGN LANGUAGE. HOPE YOU KEEP ON WHAT YOU LOVE. GBY AND BLESSED BE

Dear Tony,
Nearly 30 years ago, I had the good fortune to meet you in the Debenhams in Staines, where you were creating pieces for a charity event. You drew a tiger for me on blue paper, using only a marker pen. 30 years on, I still have that drawing, and my son has asked me who drew it. When I explained about "Take Hart" he said it sounded like "Art Attack" - it seems such a shame that there is entire generation that know little of your work. Carry on, good health, and Happy drawing.

YO DUDE!!!!! you are fantastic - loved your show to bits!! but me and my mate agree we were both quite pee'd off when you used paper that was too big, and we couldn't find it anywhere. TV is crap now...
Wicked!!!

BISCUIT DOODLE

After having a week off because he was lazy, the biscuit is back and armed with a fishy doodle


Ali's quotes

Ali was 65 this week so the bbc has some quotes from the great man, all of them can be found here

Below are a few of my favourite ones

I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round.

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

Floats like a butterfly, sting like a bee, his hands can't hit what his eyes can't see

I done wrestled with an alligator, I done tussled with a whale; handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail; only last week, I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalised a brick; I'm so mean I make medicine sick

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and got into bed before the room was dark. Yet more '74 pre-fight build-up ahead of facing Foreman

Joe Frazier is so ugly that when he cries, the tears turn around and go down the back of his head.

Why, Chump, I bet you scare yourself to death just starin' in the mirror. You ugly bear! You ain't never fought nobody but tramps and has beens. You call yourself a world champion? You're too old and slow to be champion! To Sonny Liston before their fight on 25 February 1964

AMSTERDAM ROBS HOT ONES

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Po5mjhGBZis - I don't remember Tony Hart drawing this one, Moseley style
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57DvsGRV1jg - Timy Mallet gets taken out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCAVZZ9afzs - How the mighty have fallen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjtPkDdvkBU little punk slam dunks himself

RETRO GAME


this is how it starts, although I will give you a clue by saying "HOTDOG", "Ice cream... Ice cream..." This game is a classic of all classic, it's a pity no has made a pc version of it
Amiga intro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_oW6AOXkdE
An action match
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4s2IimFn-c
another
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ww89vEzkSs
here is a site with some facts and info on the masterpiece
http://www.mobygames.com/game/amiga/speedball-2-brutal-deluxe
and here is some stuff on the bitmap brothers
http://arrgh.rubberfeet.org/people/bitmapbrothers/


Random interesting stuff
Dilbert

http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20070111.html

The history of the games console

http://www.thegameconsole.com/videogames77.htm

THIS IS THE NEWS

FURY OVER BIG BROTHER
Channel 4 has received thousands of complaints this week from people complaining that Big Brother is boring and just like watching some a bunch of boring people locked in a house all day with nothing to do. One viewer said "The scriptwriters should be sacked, the characters are dull, never have any interesting lines and should get out of the entertainment industry". Police are on standby to stop the show before a viewer falls asleep in candle light and burns down their house.


QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Take care and no more rubbing of bouncers chests whilst verbally abusing them...........you nearly gave me a heart attack!!!

I have got this quest to kill 10 of the bastards who have killed me 4 times already

oh look the door slammed again, "Who gives a fuck, lets just all watch Big Brother"

oh my god look at that girl, look at the tattoo on her, it looks like an anchor


BAD LYRICS

As Jason Donovan is cool again, here is a classic video of when he was cool before

jason donovan too many broken hearts

http://youtube.com/watch?v=u5Lamj6_7l0

I like the way he is playing an electric guitar on a mountain.

Here are the lyrics http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/j/jasondonovan6643/toomanybrokenhearts250807.html

Too Many Broken Hearts in the World

Last night you talked about leaving,
I said I can't let you go
It's not just emotional feeling
I need your body and soul

You give me one good reason to leave me
I'll give you ten good reasons to stay
You're the only one I believe in
I'll be hurt; I'll be hurt, if you walked away

(Chorus)

Too many broken hearts in the world
There's too many dreams can be broken in two
Too many broken hearts in the world
So I won't give up the fight for you

The world is full of lonely people
Who never held onto love
Last night I tried to reach you
But somehow it wasn't enough

So I said, can't you wait any longer
I'll give you all that a lover should give
It ain't my pride but my love that is stronger
I'll be hurt; I'll be hurt, if you walked away

(Repeat Chorus *2)

You give me one good reason to leave me
I'll give you ten good reasons to stay
You're the only one I believe in
I'll be hurt; I'll be hurt, if you walked away

(Repeat Chorus till fade)

DRINK OF THE GODS - Feature on the brilliant b3ta website this week

Now some strange people out there like to put pinapples on sticks and accompany them with some cheddar. For one person this wasn't enough, they wanted more. The thought of a cheese tasting drink is enough to put me off

So they liquidized this party snack favourite

http://www.fatuous.co.uk/2006/12/06/nectar-of-the-gods/

it wasn't easy I like this quote

I was wrong. The resulting mixture looked like monkey sick. Doubts were forming in my mind. However while the devils of monkey sick doubt were banging at my eyeballs the angels of cheese and pineapple goodness were filling my nostrils with party joy.

this is what it looked like

did taste as bad as it looked, I would say so

The taste was pure cheese and pineappley goodness but the cheese did have a habit of sticking to the teeth and throat.






MSN MADNESS

is that banana active? says:

in the future we will be able to have sex with cartoons, imagine that

Who parked in my space says:

how will that work ?

is that banana active? says:

they will project into 3d sexbot

Who parked in my space says:

i wouldn't mind getting it on with Jessica rabbit......

Who parked in my space says:

I here she goes like.....well a rabbit

is that banana active? says:

wilma from the flintstones

Who parked in my space says:

nah.....betty is more dirty

is that banana active? says:

damn I meant betty

Who parked in my space says:

plus she clearly like short guys...

Who parked in my space says:

I heard in hong kong they have a robot with buzz light year being projected in side it, although it wasn't a sex bot

is that banana active? says:

yes but it means they are working on it

WORK DOODLE

Hosking salutes

One salute goes to J Wood for going out to a rugby match in newcastle dressed as the only gay in the village. The outfit was so tight that you could see his camel toe, which is impressive for a man.

A Hosking Salute to Plip Rawlins for almost being beaten up by a geordie woman when he told her that they had booked the taxi she was trying to get in


Breast-boosting beer

The Mighty Mr C sent this in, I'm not sure where he got it but its good stuff.

European men are flocking to Bulgaria to buy 'breast-boosting beer' after EU accession led to customs duties on the drink being abolished.

The millet-ale called Boza which is made from fermented wheat flour and yeast is being snapped up by bar owners, shopkeepers and shoppers from across Europe.

They are said to be keen for their wives and girlfriends to benefit from its reported ability to make women's breasts grow.

Constantin Barbu crossed the Danube from Romania to buy Boza in the Bulgarian border town of Ruse.

He said: "I've bought a case for my wife to try out. I really hope I see an improvement."

And Austrian landlord Klaus Schmidt from the ski resort of Schladming said he was planning a trip soon.

He added: "I had heard of Boza before but it was always so expensive once the tax was added. But now that's gone I'm going to start offering the drink to my apr├Ęs-ski customers."

Fantasy Football league

The Mighty is use to being a big loser, so as he has some how got to the top of the fantasy football league at work he sent a pleading letter for it to be featured in the blog
here is the sad letter

Dear Jim,
This is neither IT related or funny but you gotta put a screen shot of our Fantasy Footy League table on the blog!
I'm top baby and, let's face it, it's not going to last!
Please fix it for me to have my moment of e-fame next week.
Yours Hopefully,
Ben Moseley
28 years & 2 days old


TALKING OF JIM'LL FIX IT

I have been singing this song all week, much to the annoyance of my fellow workers, look here it is, you can finally see what I have been singing.

Jingle Jangle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK01f5_aKY4

just look at their little faces

Jim'll Fix it - Scouts on Roller Coaster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wwPeSDCCAs&mode=related&search=

Jim'll Fix it - Madness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWE22DMy1Rs&mode=related&search=

the Kylie one is a bit scary, like pop robots

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j-KuOkWvho&mode=related&search=


Jay Kay - Gets Headbutted

This was sent in my by a Gavmiester under this title

It's not IT, but try sticking this in next week's blog! (My favourite bit from one of those "after the football" filler progs on ITV- "When Paparazzi Attack" or somesuch.)

Well don't worry Gav I gave up on the IT related rubbish ages ago and just concentrate on getting cheap laughs and this fits the bill perfectly, I like nothing more than seeing a celebrity get a good kicking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6M9DDKwtvg

A quote from the comments section sums it up perfectly...

"the bloke's a cunt and his music is shit"

Cheap Hotels

Yes this bit isn't actually funny but useful. What then are you doing putting it in the blog, well I'm just looking after my readers. I have recently

http://xml.cheaphotels.co.uk


URBAN LEGENDS

ever since they had a company meeting to warn staff not to flash cars without their lights on because you will be killed in some kind of gang initiation, I have loved a good urban myth, here are a couple from the excellent snopes website http://www.snopes.com

Cop pretends to outrun car

http://www.snopes.com/autos/law/outrun.asp

frozen squirrels used as weapons

http://www.snopes.com/critters/gnus/squirrel.asp



UTHE POWER OF PAINT




MSN MADNESS

Milk Thistle Man says:

http://www.fatuous.co.uk/2006/12/06/nectar-of-the-gods/

Milk Thistle Man says:

gleurgh

is that banana active? says:

man that looks horrible

Milk Thistle Man says:

like baileys mixed with anything

Milk Thistle Man says:

only cheesy tasting

is that banana active? says:

The taste was pure cheese and pineappley goodness but the cheese did have a habit of sticking to the teeth and throat.

Milk Thistle Man says:

you'd gagg yourself to bits

Milk Thistle Man says:

i found out the other day that brian and mark threw up in our flower beds at new year

is that banana active? says:

I hate pinapple and the thought of a cheese drink

Milk Thistle Man says:

after drinking whisky

Milk Thistle Man says:

is that banana active? says:

classy

is that banana active? says:

if you are going to be sick anywhere, the garden is an excellent choice

is that banana active? says:

as it will have a positive effect on the plants

is that banana active? says:

maybe

Milk Thistle Man says:

yeah

Milk Thistle Man says:

there will be a grassy knoll there now

is that banana active? says:

I wouldn't go as far as to encourage people to be sick in the garden

is that banana active? says:

are you sure it wasn't after they saw one of the kilt wearers tackle

Milk Thistle Man says:

it is possible

Milk Thistle Man says:

you need to book holiday

Milk Thistle Man says:

We're goin to Barcelona!

is that banana active? says:

whats the mission

Milk Thistle Man says:

my source knows a club where they inject you with RFID chips

Milk Thistle Man says:

so you just wave your arm at them to pay!

Milk Thistle Man says:

how mad is that!

is that banana active? says:

coool

Milk Thistle Man says:

http://www.baja-beachclub.com/bajaes/asp/zonavip2.aspx

is that banana active? says:

so you are a member for life

Milk Thistle Man says:

it's like Don said

Milk Thistle Man says:

"no no no no no no fakin way"

Milk Thistle Man says:

"It's not fakin wheel of fortune, you don't get your cash and walk away!!!"


FOOTBALL STUFF

Chopper sent me in a Gazza clip this week and it inspired me to look for some more and here they are


Gazza - he could play football once ya know

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Om_AXb8LCsg&mode=related&search=

SS LAZIO - GAZZA SPECIAL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q836h-BDeUk&mode=related&search=

An interview with the G-man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeJ6V9IrDmU&mode=related&search=

but not everyone likes Gazza

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DI_Z9_fbsZQ&mode=related&search=

this was a quote from the Guardians fiver email

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I haven't met him yet, but I might just put him in my next Rambo film and chase him round the jungle for a couple of months" - Sly Stallone lays out his plans for David Beckham's career break. Well, anything's better than sitting around the house with Posh.

ENGLAND ARE THE BEST IN THE WORLD AT

we use to be the best at darts and now the Netherlands are taking over (for this year) but I, well Mr C has found something else

Hitting a wall

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6263365.stm

MSN MADNESS

Milk Thistle Man says:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/01/17/you_tube/

Milk Thistle Man says:

jam fools

don't tap on the aquarium says:

yeah lets wreck burger king

Milk Thistle Man says:

then video it

Milk Thistle Man says:

then give lots of info about ourselves

Milk Thistle Man says:

soon yooves will start arresting themselves

Milk Thistle Man says:

and attending prison like it were school

don't tap on the aquarium says:

and then put his name and address with the clip

don't tap on the aquarium says:

what a plub

don't tap on the aquarium says:

I like going drinking, clubbing and lassies too

Milk Thistle Man says:

his hobbies are wide and far ranging

Milk Thistle Man says:

the perfect crime it was not

don't tap on the aquarium says:

there is an impressive collection of stuff in MR C's Newsround

Milk Thistle Man says:

hehe

Milk Thistle Man says:

watch out John Craven

Milk Thistle Man says:

is he still knocking about?

Milk Thistle Man says:

there's a new section

don't tap on the aquarium says:

ahh they have taken the video off

Milk Thistle Man says:

"people i thought were dead(or should be)"

don't tap on the aquarium says:

he was there for the renunionion the other day

Milk Thistle Man says:

poor bird

Milk Thistle Man says:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/01/16/internet_video/

don't tap on the aquarium says:

she is a right sexpot

don't tap on the aquarium says:

massive breasts but not a big un

Milk Thistle Man says:

superb combo

Milk Thistle Man says:

one of birds mates is like that

Milk Thistle Man says:

petite but with the Jugs of Odin!

Milk Thistle Man says:

there's a link at the bottom of that story to the classic urban myth come true

Milk Thistle Man says:

man with camera in shoe

Milk Thistle Man says:

doing upskirt vids on a bus

Milk Thistle Man says:

nice to see someone keeping old traditions alive

don't tap on the aquarium says:

Officers said they have "a lot" of material to go through"

Milk Thistle Man says:

what a great job

Milk Thistle Man says:

sifting through pr0n

Milk Thistle Man says:

(only normal stuff, non of that gary glittar malarky)

don't tap on the aquarium says:

that title about the page 3 is

don't tap on the aquarium says:

Page 3 girl in net sex vid shocker

Milk Thistle Man says:

like working for the BBFC

don't tap on the aquarium says:

where is the shock in that

Milk Thistle Man says:

you have to watch all of loads of films to rate them

Milk Thistle Man says:

the shock was that she was surprised

Milk Thistle Man says:

and felt she had no dignity

Milk Thistle Man says:

after flashing her nips at 10million people a day

Milk Thistle Man says:

http://www.lovefilm.com/features/detail.html?section_name=interview&editorial_id=2599

Milk Thistle Man says:

interesting

WORK DOODLE

BRING BACK THE A TEAM

I think this was originally shown on channel four, the beardy one from the saturday night project called Justin cornish lee or something goes off to America to try and get the A Team back together, even though one of them is dead. Anyway its good fun, so watch it.

Bring back the A-Team part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdvuQAMnQv8

Bring back the A-Team part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4UFeVPdeP4

Bring back the A-Team part 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlqH0V-smMQ&mode=related&search=

Bring back the A-Team part 4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzrjlqktbrA

Bring back the A-Team part 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2af1z434P08&mode=related&search=

Bring back the A-Team part 6

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35G7ZME0ORA&mode=related&search=


10 things we didn't know last week

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2007/01/10_things_we_didnt_know_last_w_10.shtml

1. Scooby-Doo was named after Frank Sinatra's final phrase in "Strangers in the Night".

2. A king's ransom is worth approximately £685m in today's money, loosely based on the sum paid by Eleanor of Aquitaine to secure the release of Richard the Lionheart in 1194.

5. Adding milk to tea negates the health-giving effects of a hot brew.
More details

6. Snap decisions are more likely to be correct than those pondered over, a study at University College London found.
More details

10. The world's tallest flower is the Titan Arum, reaching just under 3m (10ft).
More details

PICTURE OF THE BIG POKER MATCH

ARNIE PUMPING IRON CLIPS

I don't know why I have left this so low down in the blog but these clips are ace. It's a film where Arnie was going for his sixth Mr Muscle and he is in his pomp.

Inspiring Stuff - The Pump

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDIJQmL4Lzs&mode=related&search=

Arnie verus the hulk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlMSwcy83YI&mode=related&search=

The Wolf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7c6aGDyLj4&mode=related&search=

Arnie - My Olmpia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isRJR4pVL84&mode=related&search=

Arnie with the ladies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxYcU8xfhYc&mode=related&search=

AVL: Training(Original Version)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSAss_ZPXs&mode=related&search=

Pumping Iron - Various Workout clips

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQwVXuEKnNU&mode=related&search=

NOEL EDMONDS IS A LEGEND - COSMIC

Mr C sent me this rather odd webpage. I like it because someone has put in a hardly any effort, nice garish colours, well in some ways the website does represent Edmonds very well

http://www.redboxcompany.co.uk/tshirt.html?Submit=CLICK+HERE

it has some nice pictures of edmonds stuff

I like the description

In this book, Noel talks about the high and low points in his professional career, how he dealt with major changes in his professional and personal life and how his belief in himself and the Cosmos have brought him back to our screens in Deal or No Deal. Drawing on his own experience he tells you how to:

Make your own luck
Stay focused when things are getting tough
Be positive in a negatively orientated world
Play to your strengths
Step outside your comfort zone

there was one person who didn't like noels book after someone had brought it for him http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/customer-reviews/0091912989/ref=cm_cr_dp_2_1/203-3028912-2828723?ie=UTF8&customer-reviews.sort%5Fby=-SubmissionDate&n=266239

11 of 76 people found the following review helpful:

Despair, 20 Aug 2006

Reviewer: M. D. Smart (London, UK) - See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER) (REAL NAME)

Do you ever look at some of the books apparently selling well on this site, and the customer comments about them, and feel a mixture of incredulity and despair at the stupidity of the public? Presumably the people buying this are the same mugs who went mad for 'The Celestine Prophecy' about a decade ago.

Here we have Noel Edmonds telling us how to make our lives and the world around us better. Stunningly, this is actually meant to be a serious book; I had assumed it was a joke, but no. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. If I ever felt tempted to look to someone like Noel Edmonds or a fad like 'cosmic ordering' for guidance, I'd know it was time to throw myself off the nearest cliff. Congratulations to everyone who has bought this, for lining the pockets of a man for whom no act is too low and no stunt too tasteless in his quest for fame and fortune.

What's next, I wonder? "Jim Davidson Explains The Meaning Of Life"? "Bernard Manning's Guide To A Tolerant And Caring Society"?

Noel edmunds tells us how to chillout

those two books are nothing compared to the official guide to Crinkley bottom, which is being sold for one pence

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Official-Guide-Crinkley-Bottom-Fantail/dp/014090025X/sr=1-4/qid=1168875640/ref=sr_1_4/203-3028912-2828723?ie=UTF8&s=books

what is bizarre is the picture, Noel some how manages to look someone has put his head on a thunderbird puppet. His head is just to big for his body



WORD THAT CAN BE USED TO INSULT YOUR FRIENDS

Word of the Day for Wednesday, January 10, 2007


coxcomb \KOKS-kohm\, noun:

1. obsolete. A cap worn by court jesters; adorned with a strip of red. (Now cockscomb).
2. archaic. The top of the head, or the head itself.
3. Obsolete. A fool.
4. A vain, showy fellow; a conceited, silly man, fond of display; a superficial pretender to knowledge or accomplishments; a dandy; a fop.

A resemblance between the sacrificial garments of ancient ritual and the costume of a household jester in the Middle Ages--coxcomb, eared hood, bells, and bauble, with a motley coat--has been noted.
-- "Fool", Encyclopedia Britannica

If thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb.
-- William Shakespeare, King Lear

Fond to be seen, she kept a bevy
Of powdered coxcombs at her levee.
-- Oliver Goldsmith

PUSHING THE ELEPHANT

BLAMESTORMING (office)
A group process where participants analyse a failed project and look for scapegoats other than themselves.

BLAMESTORMING (pub)
blaming everyone and everything for why England last in the world cup...again


THE END - MY ONLY FRIEND THE END

Hazaar, three cheers and a hearty back slap to all that have made it down to the end. Unfortunatly there are no more youtube clips for you this week and just a final bit of waffle from the Hoskinator.

Thanks for all the contributions this week, there was a lot which made it easy to make the blog as it involved a bit cutting and pasting.

if you have anything funny that was sent to you or you have read on the internet send it in to this address amusingitstories@gmail.com Also why not do a work doodle in that boring meeting this week or spend five minutes looking up a classic game/toy/tv show you used to waste time on in the good old days.

Hoskinator powering down, BE SEEING YOU