Friday, April 27, 2007

Amusing IT Stories - Episode 23 - Get some Nuts

Morning campers. The sun is shining and the weather is sweet and it makes me wanna move my dancing feet because I was born to be a dancer, chitty chitty bang bang we love. Why did ET's finger glow. I'm glad I have got that off my chest, I feel I can now move on.

I thought I would have a look at where the blog is on Technorati Rank:

582,721 (106 links from 8 blogs)

Favorited by: 2 members

Yes favourtied (is that a word) by two people, this statistic isn't quite as impressive when you consider I am one of them :-)

Although I will give a big up to Srambled Toast who has Amusing IT Stories on their blog roll, here is the link so go and have a look

Here has a cool section on words for nerds and some good cartoons and more important he digs this blog baby.

I thought I would update you on my bid to move up the rankings of google when you type in amusing stories. On the last episode (22 - Terrahawks stay on this channel), when you typed in amusing stories in a Google search this blog was on the fourth page. This week when I typed in amusing stories I was on the first page and the fourth choice down. I would like the readers to know that I don't spend all my time doing Google searches of Amusing stories.

This weeks blog seems to be full of facts and not so much of your youtube action, so if you would all raise you eyebrows to the high section please, we shall continue.

I'm going put this right up at the top because its fookin brilliant, if you haven't seen the MR T snickers advert, click the link below. It was said by many to be the highlight of the Man Utd Versus AC Milan match.

The Mr T advert - its the nuts

the official website


firstly the T-Shirt is funny and secondly the girl is hot, perfect combo. She has a innocent quality to her.


Ahhh the age old question. People are always typing in "what does awooga mean". I don't know exactly what they are hoping to find as it doesn't really mean anything. Apart from the fact that Craig Charles first used and not John Fashanu. Anyway I thought I would look it up because the people want to know. In fact my blog is the first result you get back if you type in awooga in Google. Whilst looking it up I found this cool site, the urban dirctionary

this is the favourite/top description of awooga

Created and first used by the Awooga brothers, Fash the bash, Kris Akabusi and Craig Charles, Awooga is a sign of excitement, happiness and an utterance of agreement.

Welcome to Robot wars, Awooga.

New world record Awooga.

The world is round. Awooga

this was second

cool version of Eurika (I found it!).

right so there you go, you now know what Awooga means.

talking about Craig Charles, Amsterdam Rob he then starting blabbling about Craig Charles hosting a virtual reality show, suspicious that AmsterdamRob might had a slice of space cake at lunch time he told me to type into the search engine, "craig charles, awooga, virtual reality" and bam up come Cyberzone. It looks like GamesMaster except instead of Partick Moore they have this dude in a white cowboy outfit and the tasks are virtual reality type thing which seem to involve a lot of running on the spot. The catch phrases of the show are


"Build me a borg!"

cyberzone description

cyberzone youtube clip. This is excellent stuff from Craig Charles, its like he has gone mad.


Mr C or is Steed?


C says:
felix dennis
C says:

Companies should foster a spirit of entrepreneurialism, not team spirit. They should be “ruthless meritocracies”. Team spirit, he says, “is the glue that binds losers together."

and of those who watch TV

you look in their eyes and it’s like dead fish. They’re lying in their everyday graves."

Michael says:
did you get that ?
Michael says:
ACKNOWLEDGE ME !!!!!!!!!!!

driving in today was work today was like driving in someone else's body, I was driving in today in the third person

The bird : wow this trident chewing gum is like Hubba Bubba for grown ups


This picture was emailed with the saying

"you know its summer when the girls get their bellies out"


In my old company we used to have a fact of the day email, where one of the gang would be tasked of finding something interesting and emailing it to the group. Most people took it seriously enough to go and find an interesting or unusual fact, like what are onion Johnny's, what is asbestos etc etc. One person didn't and this is what he sent and the responses. The person who sent this is still reminded of this pathetic effort to this day, I present

The History of Roman numerals – classic

From: Gavin
Subject: RE: FOTD

And please have a read of your fact first to check it doesn't sound like it was made up by some retard

-----Original Message-----
From: Hosk
Subject: RE: FOTD

I have a request for fact of the day

can someone look up - how eating effects your poo. in particular I was thinking about the hot poo (I did one today) and the Guinness poo. Tied in with this, what makes some poo's float whilst others sink.

-----Original Message-----
From: Gavin
Subject: RE: FOTD

Kid's obviously in the remedial class

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick
Subject: RE: FOTD

There was no King Charles VIII... How credible is the rest of the email?

-----Original Message-----
From: Gavin
Subject: RE: FOTD

Far be it from me to denigrate a fellow crippler's efforts, but that fact does look like some (semi-literate) kid's 3rd form essay. It doesn't, as claimed, even give any history of Roman numerals except the observation that the Romans used them from 500BC

-----Original Message-----
From: Chris
Subject: RE: FOTD

I haven't go time for this

From: Gavin
Subject: RE: FOTD

Sounds like a clock of shit to me!

-----Original Message-----
From: Jon K
Subject: FOTD

The History of Roman Numerals

Roman Numerals developed around 500 BC. They were used by the Romans. Now you will learn about how Roman Numerals are used today, how they were and are important, and more. You will learn topics other then the HISTORY, but also the PRESENT. I hope that you will enjoy how it has been put together!
Roman Numerals are considerably easy to learn, according to many studies. They say; "Especially if you know the seven numbers used. Others say, "They are so easy to learn, that they are worth learning!" Actually, it depends on the person who is learning it. Of course, I, II, and III are easy. You might ask, "Why does the four on some analogue clocks say IIII instead of IV? The answer is: The IIII is said to reflect the number VIII (8), which is directly across from it.
As you might see, if you pay attention when you read textbooks, the ROMAN NUMERALS are usually in lower case. Textbooks are an interesting place to study. Example: In the math texts, this is how the ROMAN NUMERALS are written. The lower case "j" can be a substitute for the "i," so eighteen could be written xuiij rather then XVIII. The lower case "u" can substitute the "v".
If you can imagine doing arithmetic in Roman Numerals, your WEIRD in a way, but your not. If you were someone who learned Roman Numerals as an eight-year-old, you would probably think that learning Arabic Numerals was weird. It usually depends what you learned first. Their are some people who would consider it "COOL." When you write Roman Numerals, you write and read from left to right; from highest to lowest. M is the biggest Roman Numeral. Numbers are formed by a string of letters. A horizontal bar is placed over a numeral which multiplies to 1000. The "v" with the bar over it equals five thousand. and the "x" with the horizontal bar equals ten thousand. Three million eight hundred and fifty two thousand, four hundred and twenty-nine is depicted to MMMDCCCL, (3, 850) with the bar over all the letters and then for four more characters. Horizontal bars are shown to say simply, "The numbers were not letters." The first letter in a Roman Numeral is usually the biggest. Fifteen is represented XV, not VVV, nor XIIIII. 99 is written LXXXXVIIII. Have you ever wondered what C and M mean in this numbering system? Here's the chance to take a peek at what Scholars think. They think that M is an initial for "mille", and the C is an initial of "centum", both Latin terms. Now we are back to the number four. The four does not have four I's. That would make it 1, 2, 3, 5; so it is made VI because it is five minus one. M is the biggest Roman Numeral, as you've already learned. Since the biggest number is usually written first; and it is the biggest number, 5, 000 could have been written MMMMM. There really isn't any other way to write it. Subtraction only takes place for four and nine times the power of ten. (i.e. 4, 40, 400, 9, 90. 900). Counting: People think counting began on fingers. "That is why we count by tens." They say, but it is not proven currently. 2000 is a clean number (MM), compared to 1999, which is MCMXCIX.
BY PEOPLE...............
Many ROYAL people use Roman Numerals at the end of their names. POPES also use
it. There are other indications where people use this, such as wars, the age of the dead on tombstones, and in television areas. Examples are: King Henry the VI, Queen Elizabeth the I, Queen Elizabeth the II, King Charles the VIII <8> (of England), and King Louis the XIV <14> (of France). However, some important people's roman numerals at the end of their name can be changed to; "the Great," or anything else to consider what they did. An example for a Pope is John Paul II. (KJW). Examples for wars are World Wars I and II. An example for the age of the dead is:
HERE LIES Mr. Allen Edward Pickleby, Age LXXVII (7)
BELOVED OF Mrs. Mariyah Jane Pickleby, Age LXXV (75).
The next part is on "television areas." Roman Numerals can be used on the dates in films, as well as television programmes, and videos. Examples are: MCMLXXXVI. (1986).
The Romans did not have the number zero. There are three ways in which studies show of how it could have been used. The first is the horizontal bars which you learned about around the beginning. The second is the word "none," though there is no real proof about this. The third is typically the same: "nothing."


Who is Kurt Vonnegut

and this is one of his books I want to read


Two dyslexics in a car, one says "Can you smell petrol?" The other replies "Don't be such a ****! I can't even smell my own name!"



here we have a collection of amusing videos found on youtube and google videos

Naughty talent

thanks MTV

Mouse remix 100

Best penalty save ever

How not to pole dance

Best of Trigger happy TV

pimp attacks black belt

sexy kylie advert

Classic sexy video

I haven't seen this for a while, although I never get bored of it. The famous word s of oliver twist come to mind when watching this "PLEASE SIR CAN I HAVE SOME MORE"

call on me


There has been a lot of talk about camel toes in the office week, camel toe picture, here is a woman proud of her camel toe

do women not realise they have a camel's toe on show, surely its one of the dangers of wearing tight clothing

Now I imagine all the blokes out there are getting bit jealous because they can't have a camels toe, well don't worry you to can join in the fun

here is a scientific look at the camels toe

the camel toe website

yahoo questions come up with a camel toe cracker. There is nothing better than people who don't know what a camels toe is

What does camel's toe mean?

My daughter got a text message about her camel's toe. She wants to know what it means. I could not find it online anywhere. Thanks

there are some excellent answers

It means her pants are too tight in the front, allowing people to lip read, if you know what I mean.

It is when a female wears clothes so tight at her lower extremities that the shape of her female parts are quiet visible with out really looking. I Highly recommend you buy your daughter new clothes and forbid her from chatting with this person who mentioned it. He obviously has no good intentions.

A camel toe refers to the crease formed when tight clothing conforms to the shape of a woman's vagina, which resembles a camel's toe.

this was voted the best answer it is way to technical

Cameltoe is a slang term that refers to the outline of a woman's vulva when seen through tight, form-fitting clothes. Usually, a cameltoe is visible from the front. Pornographic web sites exist that are solely dedicated to publishing photographs of cameltoes. The male version of this is referred to as a "moose knuckle."

The word cameltoe generally refers to a visible cleft between the labia, as between a real camel's toes. The size of a cameltoe is largely dependent on the size of the labia majora, not the labia minora, although the latter can contribute.

Uncleft "bulges" are more often visible. The degree to which a woman's mons pubis or 'Mound of Venus' protrudes depends on a number of factors, including weight and anatomical variation

The causes of cameltoe are not always obvious, especially to younger people. Cameltoe is commonly understood to occur as a result of wearing clothing under the following conditions:

Exercise shorts, stretch pants and leggings— including Lycra or spandex

Very tight-fitting jeans, shorts, hotpants, underwear or swimwear

Vigorous or repetitive exercise, including running, especially in tight clothing

Wet clothing

Wearing pants too high

However, some fashion analysts have identified the clothing design as the problem, rather than its size. Cameltoe may thus be exacerbated by:

Poorly designed jeans

All the best!/

One final picture of a camel toe, this time attached to the actual camel


check it out, I'm the number one page if you type in laurie sanchez image. My favourite search of the week has to be "our lass has got a massive fanny", now please tell me what exactly are you expecting to come back from that search

"long legged candy"

Find Amusing 60th Birthday Comments

youtube cilla black blind date

defenders of the earth storyline

weightlifter and exploding anus

drinking milk boobs grow

wiki defenders of the earth

what happened to Charlie Gimbert's in lovejoy

"MR'S" slang internet

stanley gibbons lyrics- weebls stuff

"mary whitehouse" clip

mike strutter sayings


our lass has got a massive fanny

"having a bad day" die events myth urban legend

what does defcon mean

spanking stories and histories

spanked on the trousers

transvestite weddings on youtube

french Anti-tank Missile Launch Gone Wrong

friday night after work anna digbeth

laurie sanchez image

awooga origins

Mother forced toddlers to fight mpeg breast massaging video clips

noel edmonds tattoo jpg

April 2007 "Richard O'Brien"

inferred fart

stories on types of monsters in childs books

trick picturesof a man and woman but if you look carefully you see a number of dolphins

herbalking credibility

goodness gracious me restaurant sketch clip

munchbreak pictures

"gus hanson goes crazy"

Paul Kaye Strutter

diy bee gees kit

amusing stories on a plane

horse named Ginger Minge

del boy funny french sayings

john cafferty heart's on fire rocky 4 video you tube

is it true if you drink whole milk your boobs will get bigger

Dark Crystal trial by stone

crossfields boatyard

win one soon paul jewel

tum kin

in the jungle almighty jungle when lion sleeps

Femdom Strap-on Story: Amsterdam trap

andy peters dancing on ice fall

anna drunken kiss pub in digbeth tattoo

+"mary whitehouse" +"thats you that is"

frenc womens wrestling clip


This should be the response of all blokes when the missus is looking to get you to do some hoovering.


never post a party invite on the internet

I like the fact they describe it as house rape

Norton to be new Hulk - No its not Graham

web love man loses 16,000 pounds

toddler fight woman spared jail

wipe you arse less demands crow

Catapult boy gets eaten by crocs - I like the name they have given the little idiot

there was also two good comments on this story

When kids do stupid things and get killed, it may be sad but it's evolutionary. if we stop their stupidity from affecting their survival it's a poor lookout for human development. There are too many humans anyway.

Well at least the boy got a posthumous Darwin Award for his trouble.

Family of 11 share same initials

And possibly share the one hive mind as well. Of all the names this was the one they must have realised they were scrapping the barrel - Thad Jack. That sounds like a sound you would hear at a cricket match.

Girls outdo blokes at ogling

come on chaps, we can't let them beat us.

Durex appeal for testers

now don't all put your........erm, hands up at once

Escort agency launches virgin service for geeks

Bond enters uk film elite

Rap Mogul wants racist words banned

Man cuts off penis in resturant

you never see woman cutting off their breasts or anything like that do you

chinese rule the world

When Hugh Grants attack


Biscuit sent me a link to his Brothers band and they are certainly an angry bunch and they were soon singing no body likes me no body gives a damn. I like the name of the band as well Plutonia

Check out their mspace page and if you are old you will no doubt "not understand it"


lets start with the classic of classic clips, this one goes up to eleven. This clip probably sums up the difference between men's and women's humour, you show the these go up to Eleven clip to your girlfriend and nothing happens, they do not get it and in fact they will tell you that its rubbish

These Go To Eleven

and my favourite song from the tap - big bottom

Big Bottom Lyrics

The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read

My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo

Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?

I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean

My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah

Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?

and here are a few more classic spinal tap clips

David Gilmour with Spinal Tap "Big Bottom"

Spinal Tap - Bitch School

spinal tap - stonehenge -

listen to the flower people -

spinal top on jonathon Ross,

good lord he looks like his brother Paul Ross and he looks really young and the set looks like it might blow away with a strong breeze.

Spinal Tap on Tonight with Jonathan Ross (Part 1 of 2)


I came out with the quote "Tiger tiger burning bright" this week. I thought where the hell has that come from and then I remember it was something Mr Spock said when he goes a bit crazy and attacks Willie Shatner (something a lot of people would like to do no doubt). I wonder if it came from anywhere else, to try and save myself from admiting I was quoting star trek (to quote star wars is fine, to quote star wars means you are a geek). Anyway what a philstine I am, it is from a William Blake Poem as I am sure most of you were shouting at the computer whilst reading the lines above, anyway here it is, from here

The Tiger

TIGER, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder and what art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see?
Did He who made the lamb make thee?

Tiger, tiger, burning brightIn
the forests of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?


Tamworth is famous for its pigs, so have a look at wikipedia at the Tamworth Pig

Why is Tamworth famous for its pigs, excellent question, here is the answer, its is linked to why the police are called pigs, a question which I have answered in a previous episode

One of Tamworth's most famous sons is a Sir Robert Peel (Second Baronet & Statesman - 1788 - 1850). After entering into the House of Commons in 1809 Sir Robert enjoyed a long and successful political career. It was whilst in Ireland in 1809 that Sir Robert discovered a breed of pig referred to as the "Irish Grazer" that appeared to impress him so much, he had several of them imported to his Drayton Manor Estate in Tamworth where the pigs were bred. The breed became very popular and in 1865 were given a separate classification as a breed at the English Royal Show and since have been exported to practically every English-speaking country in the world. Due to the "sandy" colour of the Tamworth pig, it is often referred to as the "Sandy Back".

In 1829 politicians had become increasingly concerned about the problems of Law and order in London and so it was Sir Robert Peel's idea to change the way London was policed. His resulting reform created the Metropolitan Police Force that we know today and this is one reason Police men are often called "Peelers" or "Bobbies"... ie: they are "Bobbies's Men".

So where does this all leave us. Tamworth it appears is now famous for amongst other things, the Tamworth Pig, The Modern Day Police Force and the Reliant Robin. In the UK the Reliant Robin is seen by many 4-wheeler drivers as a vehicle they would never drive, and despite being amazingly clean animals pigs are often thought of as dirty greedy animals. In our every day speech many of us at some time or another refer to the stereotypical habit of pigs. For example, "I had a flat tyre last night and it was a pig to change" or "Have you come out of that piggin bathroom room yet?" or even, "Don't eat all that you pig". So, as the Reliant Robin is made from Glass fibre, some how both the Tamworth Pig and Reliant Robin have been merged as one to form the "Plastic Pig".

That seems one logical explanation so I guess you are wondering now where the Police come into this. As mentioned the Police Force (as we know it) was created by Sir Robert Peel and we know Sir Robert Peel liked Pigs. Could this also be why in many of the older Police Dramas on the television that the Police are often referred to as "Pigs" or the "filth". Maybe the Police Force have suffered the same wrath as the Reliant Robin. Two Tamworth products, Police and Pigs, combined together to be simply, "Pigs".


Check out these videos... You might want to shield the screen!

:- )

I will warn you before any pops the film below on at work, there is some boobies being displayed

>I had to watch it twice as I was laugh sooo much




This site has a load of links to Mr Theroux and his weird weekends and other shows and what's more its freeeeeee

The wrestling one is well funny when he tells one of the wrestlers that its made up, they beast him for it.

Whilst you are on the site above it has loads of links to other shows like the A Team, baywatch etc.

I watched Theroux episode when he investigates the porn industry, jeez it is a depressing place to work. One bloke who is straight acts in gay movies and he looks really pained at doing it. In fact its quite odd because all the actors in the gay porn are straight?? It was fairly interesting

he has DVD out of his weird weekends, which can be brought at amazon for 15 quid for four dvds

or you can buy individual volumes for £5.98


> >
> > >> Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the
> > >>
> > >> After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official
> > >>
> > >> "Your eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is
>prepared to
> > >> donate £100 million to the church if you change the Lord's
>Prayer from
> > >> 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day
>our daily
> > >> coffee'."
> > >>
> > >> The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the
>word of the
> > >> Lord, It must not be changed."
> > >>
> > >> Well," says the Nescafe man, "We anticipated your
>reluctance. For this
> > >> Reason, we will increase our offer to £300 million.
> > >> All we require is
> > >> that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day
>our daily
> > >> bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."
> > >>
> > >> Again, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For
>the prayer
> > >> is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
> > >>
> > >> Finally, the Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at
>Nescafe respect
> > >>
> > >> Your adherence to your faith, but we do have one final
>offer. We will
> > >> donate £500 million - that's half a billion quid - to the
> > >>
> > >> Catholic church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer
>from 'Give
> > >> us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our
>daily coffee'.
> > >>
> > >> Please consider it." And he leaves.
> > >>
> > >> The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
>"There is
> > >> some Good news," he announces, "and some bad news.....
> > >>
> > >> The good news is that the Church will come into £500
> > >>
> > >> "And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
> > >>
> > >> "We're losing the Hovis Account."
> > >>


All time premiership points record

random records

wikipedia prem stats

Mourinho's great escape,17033,8652_2083734,00.html

FC United promoted,17033,8652_2084300,00.html


I thought I would have a link to the Roondogs goal, he has been a bit overshadowed this season but this goal sums up his ability to me, direct and powerful

ALAN BALL,17033,8652_2086031,00.html

He was the youngest player of the 66 world cup winning team but you should read his whole history

Soccer A.M - Yorkshire news - kes



have a BBQ where ever you go


An interesting point for those people with student loans, although on the other hand students are lazy soap dodgers and the below was sent as reply when the petition email was sent

who cares !!!. student scum, its about time they contributed SOMETHING to the inland revenue, bunch of soap dodging layabouts !.
Kind Regards

original email

For most unsuspecting graduates who are paying back their student loans, the inland revenue takes payments directly from your employer in the same way as they take tax. i.e. the more you earn the more you pay, this includes bonuses etc. However after taking monthly amounts the inland revenue does not pay this directly to the student loan company, instead they wait until the end of the financial year in April and then pay the entire year off to student loans.

The effect of this is that the inland revenue hold on to your monthly payments for up to a year earning themselves interest. During the same period, because student loans have not received these funds, they in turn charge the graduate interest on the outstanding amount even though it has been paid to the inland revenue.

bottom line is that for those in this position we pay interest to student loans on money which has been taken from our accounts which the inland revenue keeps and earns interest on



when 2 percent is bigger than 3 percent

Perry Ship Bible


As a lot of people come to this blog looking for wedgies, I thought I should give the people what they want and what they want is wedgies but not just normal wedgies they want Atomic wedgies.

This clip is a good example of an Atomic wedgies as the pants (and very odd they are too) go right over the head

What I really like about this clip is the embarrassed talk by the people watching two grown men wrestling in the front room. Watch the food.


For those of you who don't know I am moving job, my new place of work is situated in Coleshill, a small town just off Junction 4 of the M6. Here is a link to Wikipedia for some information on the place if you are interested,_Warwickshire

and here is another website

Wikipedia never fails to astound me, type in any place in the uk and there is loads of facts on it, go on try it, you won't beat it.


it was a show on saturdays mornings!

do you remember, nope, well it seems only the Biscuit can remember


its one of my favourite words, although reality dictates it is rarely used, especially in the work place


mer·i·toc·ra·cy [mer-i-tok-ruh-see]

–noun, plural -cies.
1. an elite group of people whose progress is based on ability and talent rather than on class privilege or wealth.
2. a system in which such persons are rewarded and advanced: The dean believes the educational system should be a meritocracy.
3. leadership by able and talented persons.

[Origin: 1955–60; merit + -o- + -cracy]


BOFH time


this website is full of fart facts


its a cool cartoon



FILM ACTION- Anchorman

Achorman - sex panther

AncherMan - Pants party

The fight scene



old ben kenobi says:
lunch goes so quickly

young ken bonobi says:
and work goes so slowly
young ken bonobi says:
its a cruel world
old ben kenobi says:
and then u die

young ken bonobi says:
something to look forward to I suppose
old ben kenobi says:
the sweet release of death

young ken bonobi says:
its okay if you are first to go
young ken bonobi says:
but if you are last it just gets more boring with less of your friends lefft


I thought I would paste in the poker night review, to show you people out there what fun poker can be.

Due to Biscuit fuggling his brain with booze he forgot that he was hosting the poker night and realised he hadn't asked permission from the boss. So Andy stepped in and took up the hosting duties.

Winky and RobDJ dropped out so they were replaced by two more of the bromsgrove massive Dangerous Dave and Normski. Normski didn't seem to understand the "new boy" rules and kept winning through out the night. Although it was a bit off putting with Dangerous Dave telling us stories about his ex girlfriend used to live in Andy's house and there were rumours that he had "christened" every room.

like a man who has had a sex change, lets talk about big hands

AA Hosky hitting a set of aces to beat dangerous daves pair of aces, to take down a big juicy pot.

The Hosk a few hands later got dealt the Cowboys KK. He went to an all Ipswich affair with Amsterdam Rob versus Hoskinator . Rob was trying to bully Hosk off the pot but little did he know he was armed with two Kings.

The hand of the night was Tony Jonesy versus Normski Jonsey. the flop came down queen and two low cards but with two clubs on the board. Tony bets 2 quid, Normski calls, then it comes to the river, another club thuds down, two cautious checks. The final card is a dude. Then Normski goes all in for about three pound. Tony starts some heavy thinking, he shows the card to the west side of the table, he has two queens and one on the board means he has trips but does Normski have the flush. Finally after an age, Tony mucks the queens and Normski shows the flush.

The biscuit was like a roller coaster, his winnings going up and then going back down. He was cruising to a first place finish until he went up agaisn't TJ. Biscuit was playing the Jonsey special 2 3, although it was suited. He hit two pair on the flop, the jonsey was going to take down the jonsey. Biscuit went for a big raise but Jonsey hung on in there, the turn came down a 4. Another big bet from Biscuit, Jonsey calls after 10 hours of thinking and then the river comes down an Ace. What could Jonsey have. Biscuit puts in another bet and then Jonsey has the cheek to raise him. Biscuit had to see what he had and coughed up. Jonsey held Q4 and rivered a straight and won a big pot and was the top money earner of the night with biscuit dropping to 3rd by Mr Consistent - Hoskinator in second.

Normski came a good 4 with £3.50 up
Moseley, Andy and Rob were dealt no cards all night and mainly lost their money through pure frustration

And that ladies is all I can remember. Well there was one hand when Dangerous Dave went all in after just rebuying and then Tony called someone else and it ended up that Dave and Tony both had A Q and the other person lost.

profit points
JonesyT 12.8 10
Hoskinator 9.5 7
BiscuitBoy 8.4 5
Normski 3.5 3
AndyB -5.7 1
Dangerous_Dave -8.5 0
BigMo -10 0
AmsterdamRob -10 0


My Mum sent me this one and I'm afraid its a men bashing one, so this is for all the female fans of this blog, which is probably my girlfriend if she can be bothered to read it, which is pretty unlikely, so its for the women who end up on my blog searching for Trinny and Sussanee stuff. To even up the the Men versus Woman war I have a this power point slide called Man Of the year 2006 - good work boys

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
Send this to at least
five bright, funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humor to take it!




if you wondered why they made Team America then just watch this badboy, StarFleet. I like one of the comments on the youtube vid

"Proof at last!!! Now they will stop pointing and laffing, Its Real REAL I TOLD YOU!!"

I have this feeling all the time when talking about cartoons, you explain something to someone born in the 80's and it sounds insane

Here is how Mr C see's it

C says:
mad old puppets again

C says:
you're a marionette obsessive

young ken bonobi says:
it was the cartoon chosen by someone at work
C says:
C says:
they from europe?

C says:

young ken bonobi says:
no they live in Moseley
C says:
same thing!
C says:
hippy ville

young ken bonobi says:
perhaps I will go more tradational next week with danger mouse or something like that

an interesting article on someone drawing starfleet

star fleet vid

launch sequence

more starfleet youtube

Dai X Junction and Battle from Star Fleet

starfleet ambush


here are some of the highlights

A long time ago . . .

"Use force, Luke"

Would somebody get this walking carpet out of my way?!?!

easier than shooting banta's on Tantounie

Judge me by my size, do you?

You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

WEDGE: Look at the size of that thing!
RED LEADER: Cut the chatter, Red Two! Accelerate to attack speed. This is it, boys!
GOLD LEADER: Red Leader, this is Gold Leader.
RED LEADER: I copy, Gold Leader.
GOLD LEADER: We're starting for the target shaft now.
RED LEADER: We're in position. I'm going to cut across the axis and try and draw their fire.

I find your lack of faith... disturbing.

I am your father.

Moff Jerjerrod: He asked the impossible. I need more men.

That face you make... look I so old to young eyes?

You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!

She might not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.


A few searches for the cartoon defenders of the earth coming to this blog, so I thought it would be just and right to link to wikipedia

check out the video

go and buy the dvd


Star wars

Alternate Episode 2 Star Wars Ending

Star Wars Episode III Alternate Ending

Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back alternate ending

Star Wars EP3 - The Alternative Immolation Scene

while I was on youtube - rubbish - we just want see them fighting not dancing about on drainpipes on lava lakes. Bah they even manage to put some dreadful dialog in the final fight scene. You have failed me for the last time Lucas

The Final Battle - Darth Vader VS. Obi-Wan - Episode III


all 10 here -

highlights below

2. Only 3% of adults get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night.
More details

4. Female civil servants in India are questioned about their menstrual cycle as part of their appraisal.
More details

5. Complaints about noise pollution from households increased nearly five-fold between 1984/5 and 2004/5.
More details

7. The closest living relative to Tyrannosaurus rex is the chicken.

8. Skinheads in London preferred Levis jeans in the late 1970s, while in the Midlands they liked slightly wider, Wrangler ones.
More details

9. Kurt Vonnegut used to run a nappy-cleaning service.

10. There is no legal obligation for the MoD to compensate people disrupted by low-flying aircraft, due to a Royal Prerogative.
More details

Inhaling alcohol

video of drunken people

funny video montage


no not the person but the thing you dunk in cups of tea, no I said not the person

The site is full of biscuity goodness

Biscuits we all love them don't we. But what exactly is a biscuit?

Biscuit comes from the french meaning twice-cooked but don't let that put you off, as the french don't really have a clue about making decent biscuits. Those dreadful Petit Beurre things that they knock out are really nasty. They sound like they are going to be really nice, like some sort of little buttery thing, but they're not. I've seen some where they put a big slab of chocolate on the top in an attempt to make them nice but it was all a bit wrong.

the site also answers the age old question is a Jaffa cake a biscuit? from the Jaffa Judgement section

Cake or Biscuit?

No discussion of the Jaffa Cake can be complete with out recourse to the age old cake or biscuit question. Or to put it another way if I don’t deal with this I’ll be getting emails about it till next Christmas. We’ve tackled this all before on the site and in our book but if you haven’t got round to reading either of those then here is a lightning quick summary. So deep breath here we go...
  • Surprise surprise the Jaffa Cake is indeed a cake which is why they named called it that. Its base is made from sponge cake, not biscuit, they must have been thinking about that when they called it a Jaffa Cake.
  • Yes, yes, we are only to well aware of the theory that biscuits take up moisture when the go stale becoming limp conversely a cake looses it becoming hard, thus proving the Jaffa Cake to be a cake as its bottom is made of sponge cake as we already know. This is all well and good but has several noticeable exceptions such as the Fig roll and so cannot be relied upon. Better just to say its a cake.
  • Equally enticing but flawed is the idea that cakes contain eggs especially sponges like in the case of the Jaffa Cakes sponge bottom. Therefore biscuits simply are eggless baked things. Well that makes the Almond biscuit a cake so no luck there.
  • I know they sell them along with the biscuits, in packs just like biscuits, and McVities is a brand of United Biscuits (who also make cakes) but it’s still a small cake.
  • Some people are confused by the size and think that to be a cake something has to be quite big. Well that’s just a slur on those big bags of madeleines favoured by Marcel Proust or Mr Kiplings more diminutive offerings such his 8 packs of French Fancies.
  • Yes the VAT man wanted it to be a biscuit. That way it would fall by virtue of its chocolate coat into a category of products liable to VAT at the standard rate, i.e. luxury biscuits. As a cake however it is zero rated for VAT, no matter how luxuriant, much to the VAT man’s continuing annoyance. In fact Wifey and I once had a chat with ex Tory Minister John Knott who brought in VAT when the Conservative Government of the time took Britain into the Common Market. He recalled that the whole VAT introduction went surprisingly well expect for the Jaffa cake which caused all sorts of problems. In 1991 the matter went to a tribunal (number 6344 in case you were wondering) in which the VAT man argued that the Jaffa wasn’t a cake and so should not be exempt from VAT (VATA 1983 Sch 5 Group 1 excepted item 2), trotting out all the old arguments. McVities countered with all of the other old arguments plus a specially prepared 12 inch Jaffa Cake, which focused the tribunal’s attention on the sponge base. The tribunal concluded that, while the product also had characteristics of biscuits or confectionery which was not cake, it had sufficient characteristics of cakes to be a cake for the purposes of zero-rating. (The tribunal also determined that the product was not a biscuit.)
  • Finally despite all of this Wifey still thinks they are biscuits.


Q. Are Jaffa cakes biscuits.

A. No, no the're not. Apart from being called cakes they obviously have a sponge base. Granted they appear to be some kind of luxury biscuit being chocolate covered and shipping in a box.

Q. Why are 'Nice' biscuits called that?

A. I don't know because they are possibly one of the nastiest biscuits ever, perhaps its sarcasm. Also if you are new to this site and are about to email me saying "Actually its because they are named after the town in the south of France" don't. They're not from there, nobody there has ever heard of them. Hop on an Easyjet flight get yourself down there and ask around, you'll get even blanker Gallic looks than usual. Back when they were invented Huntley and Palmer were knocking out over 450 sorts of biscuits, so naming new sorts of biscuits was probably a matter of just going through the phone book or index in the atlas. Anyhow I don't like them.

Q. Whats the best biscuit ever?

A. Well I would have to say the Abbey Crunch, see my page on this ground breaking oat based biscuit.

Q. Can something that is individually wrapped be biscuit.

A. Its pushing it isn't it.

Q. Whats the story with pink wafers?

A. Well they have dropped out of fashion, and rightly so as they are unpleasant at best. Wafers in general have had to move up into chocolate covered jobs like the Tunnocks wafer, or chocolate bars like the Kit Kat

The website has sections like Biscuit of the week and reviews every biscuit ever, here is the review of his fav biscuit, I give you the Abbey Crunch

This is for me a landmark biscuit. It lies at the edge of a dark age of sad miserable clear wrapped biscuits, and vibrant concept biscuits like the HobNob. Indeed with the Abbey Crunch which McVities refers to as "The Original Oat biscuit", one wonders if the HobNob would have been possible. The Abbey Crunch led the vanguard of these new biscuits not being afraid to have an almost sickening but not quite level of sugar.

Yet despite its eye catching trademark blue packet, the Abbey Crunch still dresses itself in tradition. Its very name suggests that monks had been knocking them out since the middle ages, therefore allowing my Nan to comfortably buy a packet in the mid Seventies a low point for biscuit innovation, and there by dazzle my formative biscuit palette.

Today the Abbey Crunch seems a little dated, its relatively small diameter, its ridiculously high sugar content. However, the thrill of a new packet of Abbey Crunch still remains one of the highlights of the biscuit world


On the biscuit theme from above

2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:

2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
i like his distaste for some stuff
young ken bonobi says:
the abbey crunch is the best biscuit ever
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
hmnmm i'm not convienced
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
but we just got some "nice" biscuits
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
that were so cheap
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
there are 3 large grains of sugar per biscuit
young ken bonobi says:
in todays businesss society they will no doubt at some point try to rebrand the nice biscuit and give it some fancy advertising
young ken bonobi says:
young ken bonobi says:
just leave them alone, they are fine as they are. Advertising isn't going to sell any more or less
young ken bonobi says:
just like mars bars
young ken bonobi says:
the tag line " a mars a day helps you work rest and play"
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
i know
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
people just know about them
young ken bonobi says:
is perfectly adequete
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
you buy one if you want one
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
coz of how they taste
young ken bonobi says:
there is no need to waste millions of pounds and coming up with
young ken bonobi says:
the pleasure you can't measure
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
you aren't going to introduce anyone to mars
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
as they are on every chocolate stand
young ken bonobi says:
exactly they are established
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
the list goes on
young ken bonobi says:
wasted money, no one eats more or less than when they were called Marathons or opal fruits
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
Royalmail again
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
I'll rename Dairy Milk
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
...Brown Block
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
Cadbury's Brown Block
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
it's brown blocks of chocolate
young ken bonobi says:
no they would name it something young and cool like
young ken bonobi says:
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
yorkie will not have sold more by saying "no girls"
young ken bonobi says:
rocket bar
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
girls will not have rebelled and bought more
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
fat girls will still buy yorkie if that is there chosen diet
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
and truckers will still eat it
young ken bonobi says:
everyone is doing that now, McCoys
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
and they'll get sued
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
but Sheila's wheels won't
2nd Amendment Slaughterfest says:
or Diamond


not the dog from OLIVER OLIVER but the 80's game show with Jim Bowen and which the whole of Peter Kay's act is based on


The quote on the side really made me laugh, indulges in African dancing, WHAT! You have to admire the fact he is taking the piss without laughing

"President George W Bush has indulged in some African-inspired dancing at a White House malaria awareness event."


Cannon fodder, which has the title of War has never been so much fun

the geekeest band in the world

and here is a clip of the game cannon fodder

Wikipedia link

a link to a free download

or if that doesn't work go here and download it


Maths put to use of good



it looks like Mr Motivator is there with some bright lycra shorts on and the woman looks like she is dress up like a prostitute

take some more uppers and downers and get down

Altern 8 Acvtive 8

prodigy - everybody in the place

Ant and Dec - lets get ready to rumble

wait a minute thats not them, I want PJ and Duncan


If you have never been to the b3ta website or don't subscribe to their newsletter, what are you doing wasting your lives, get over there quick and join the revolution. If you need persuading, below is the stuffy you will find

junk tv 1

advert junk advert 2

iceland mashup

bacon machine




Job Seekers - part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

part 8


what a cheek HornyMatches have rejected my application that I never made. I have to admire the reverse physiology approach of this spam, making you want to go to the site and make them take your email address

Dear Member,

Your profile was rejected by our review staff.
The reason was: The text in your profile is not descriptive enough

You can update your profile here:

Spijker 55 b9
2910 Essen

If you forgot your password, please use this link:
For any other questions, or to contact us, please use this link:

This email was sent to you in association with your membership. If you think you've received this email in error, please use this link to remove your email address from our database:


young ken bonobi says:
what the fuck is automan
Gravy Wand says:
this geek programmer cop
Gravy Wand says:
creates a hologram
Gravy Wand says:
that comes to life
young ken bonobi says:
FEEL real
Gravy Wand says:
in like a blue grid mesh
Gravy Wand says:
then it becomes this dude
Gravy Wand says:
but he can turn into cars or bikes or allsorts
Gravy Wand says:
Gravy Wand says:
like a poor man's tron
Gravy Wand says:
in a series
Gravy Wand says:;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;oe=UTF-8&q=automan&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi
young ken bonobi says:
on a scale of one to 10 think of me as an eleven
young ken bonobi says:
he is a right smug bastard

MR C'S imminent wedding to the tune of star wars

This started off as an MSN madness but then I have grown it abit

Gravy Wand says:
less than 4 months to W Day!
Gravy Wand says:
young ken bonobi says:
what walter really created was a wonderful force for good
young ken bonobi says:
the noose is tightening
young ken bonobi says:
the net is slowly coming down
Gravy Wand says:
young ken bonobi says:
I reckon it will be like when Luke goes to face vader in star wars
young ken bonobi says:
the emperor will be the vicar
young ken bonobi says:

just before leaving to go on the Stag do

Rennie Yoda : Told you, did he?
NealeWalker : Yes
Rennie Yoda : Unexpected this is, and unfortunate
NealeWalker Unfortunate that I know the truth?
Rennie Yoda : No! Unfortunate that you rushed to face her... that incomplete was your training. Not ready for the burden were you.

General Kirky : We have stolen a small Imperial shuttle. Disguised as a cargo ship, and using a secret Imperial code, a strike team will land on the moon and deactivate the shield generator.
C3PO : Sounds dangerous.
Sue Pollard [to Hosk] I wonder who they found to pull that off.
General Kirky : General Hosk Solo, is your strike team assembled?

Neale Walker : I'm endangering the mission. I shouldn't have come.
Hosk Solo : It's your imagination, kid. Come on. Let's keep a little optimism here.

Gill Vader meeting the vicar before the wedding

Gill Vader : He will come to me?
Vicar : I have foreseen it. His compassion for you will be his undoing. He will come to you and then you will bring him before me.
Gill Vader : As you wish.

Just before the wedding, NealeWalker waiting in for the bride

Hosk Solo : I have a really bad feeling about this.

Hosk Solo: Together again.
NealeWalker : Wouldn't miss it.
Hosk Solo : How we doin'?
NealeWalker : Same as always.
Hosk Solo : That bad, huh?

Hosk Solo : I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark blur, I see a big light blur.
NealeWalker : There's nothing to see. I used to live here, you know.
Hosk Solo : You're going to die here, you know. Convenient.

[Hosk Solo and ChewJacqui are reunited]
Hosk Solo : ChewJacqui! I can't see, pal. What's going on? NealeWalker? NealeWalker's crazy! He can't even take care of himself, much less rescue anybody. A Jedi Knight? I'm out of it for a little while, and everyone gets delusions of grandieur!

Hosk Solo : ChewJacqui and I will check it out, you two stay here.
NealeWalker : Quietly. There may be more of them out there.
Hosk Solo : Hey, it's me.

sounds that Gill Vader is approaching in the car

NealeWalker : Gill Vader's in that car.
Hosk Solo : Now don't get jittery, NealeWalker. There are a lot of command ships. Keep your distance, though, ChewJacqui, but don't look like you're trying to keeping your distance.
[ChewJacqui barks a question]
Hosk Solo : I don't know. walk casual.

Vicar (to NealeWalker): Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends, up there on the sanctuary moon, are walking into a trap, as is your Rebel fleet. It was *I* who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them. Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.

Gill : I find you lack of faith disturbing

Gill Vader : The Emperor has been expecting you.
NealeWalker : I know, father.
Gill Vader : So, you have accepted the truth?

NealeWalker : Soon I'll be dead, and you with me.
Vicar: [laughing] Perhaps you refer to the emminent shouting out of your friends when I say does anyone know why this marriage should take place? Yes, I assure you, we are quite safe from your friends here.
Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Vicar: Your faith in your friends is yours.

NealWalker: okay (puts on funny voice) this is not the groom you are looking for

Vicar : He must be allowed to speak.

Gill : You weak minded fool. He's using an old Jedi mind trick.

NealeWalker :(to Gill) you will not marry me and we will go back to the way we were living in sin

Gill : Your mind powers will not work on me boy.

vicar : you have to much faith in your friends to save young Nealewalker, you think your pathetic rebel alliance will beat the fully operation church
Vicar: join Gill in marriage just like your father married a woman before you
Vicar : Come, boy, see for yourself. From here, you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end of your insignificant rebellion.
[NealeWalkers's eyes go to his lightsabre]
Vicar You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more Gill Vaders servant.
NealeWalker : No.
Vicar : It is unavoidable. It is your destiny. You, like your father, will be married.

and then you will but GillVader will stop you with her lightsaber

NealeWalker : FATHER HELP ME
gill Vader : your father can't help you now

NealeWalker is hiding in the shadows and pillars of the church

Gill Vader : You cannot hide forever, NealeWalker.
NealeWalker : I will not fight you.
Gill Vader : Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for... beer. So, you have a liking for beer. Your feelings have now betrayed her, too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide beer from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side... then perhaps the beer will...
NealeWalker [igniting lightsabre]
[shouts, interrupting]
NealeWalker : Never!

NealWalker then rushes out trying to cut down gill

Vicar: If you will not be married, you will be destroyed.
[shoots Luke with Force lightning]

young ken bonobi says:
and then you will give up your futile rebellion
young ken bonobi says:
and get happily married
Gravy Wand says:
young ken bonobi says:
but little does gill know you have a twin sister
Gravy Wand says:
send that script to Gill
Gravy Wand says:
who i snogged!?
young ken bonobi says:
and some small furry friends, a mate called golden rod, hand solo, chewie, Lando, Admiral Akbar waiting to one day un freeze you from Jabba palace
Gravy Wand says:
that's the divorce
young ken bonobi says:
if she looks like Jabba, its time to smuggle yourself in cargo hatches of the Millinum falcon
Gravy Wand says:
once you put the carbonite ring on their finger
Gravy Wand says:
you're trapped

young ken bonobi says:
this is what I think of marriage
young ken bonobi says:
Han Solo: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.


Trim bottom anyone


well there you go, what an action packed episode, I can imagine you are all there clapping at your computer at this blogs fine performance, well right back at ya and just you remember, if the Scatman can do it so can you.