Merry Xmas everyone, Merry Xmas all the people who have accidently found themselves on this site whilst search for some crazy words jumbled together. Congratulations you are the 5000 viewer and you win a free read of this blog

I was going to try and give it a Christmas theme but I have been busy busy, so you will get what you are given. Here have a look at Santa, he seems to have one too many sherrys. The picture was found here


I like to kick off the gig with one a crowd pleasing clip and this week we continue the Microsoft Balmer time, this is my favourite, I love the enthusiasm he has and I wish my company meetings were just like this


Check out my funny podcast for similar stuff but instead of being written the comedy goodness is spoken, this is especially good for people who can't be bothered to read.

Hosks Half Hour
http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.com/

STEVE BALMER GOES MENTAL AND SWEATY - WHOOOOOOOOO

I love this video, whenever I see it I just wish that any meetings/presentations I go to have someone doing something similar. I was trying to find the video but didn’t know what to type so Mr C said, just type in Monkey balmer and hey presto it worked

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3446931931514285011&q=monkey+balmer

THEY STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT THEIR LOOKING FOR

This section is a list of phrases typed into a search engine and they then ended up on this blog, this week there are some crackers. I particularly like "where can I find a quiz that tells me if im a raciest". Well if you are typing that in you probably are. Other beautys include "directions on giving a wedgie" and I do like "minge stories" but is it a story told by a minge or about one. I like the one that is split up "stories, dogging, carpark" You can tell who ever typed that in is a man who knows what he wants and it's mainly about stories of dogging.

• cartoons for barmaids at Christmas
  
• BUM LIFTER WALMART
• scarlett hill magazine spanking stories
• download "famous laugh" joe pesci
• where can i find a quiz that tells me if im a raciest
• directions on giving a wedgie
• minge stories
• wedgies and spanking
• "ugly Christmas decorations"
• awooga
• breathalyser and problems with breasts
• spanking stories from a taste of the brick
• freddie shepherd vomit quotes
• blind date cilla black sayings
• hanging wedgie stories
• amusing military stories
• stories, dogging, carpark
• stag night catch leprechaun urban myth
• e-bay toys big loo robot
• drinking at lunchtime funnies
• boon theme tune song lyrics itv
• hosk boots
• paul zenon christmas
• brian johnston leg-over "do stop it" aggers mp3

This section talks about proper games where the graphics were rubbish and gameplay was king. In my day games used to be so hard you would have to play for a week just to get onto the third screen and no one completed games.

This was a spectrum classic handed in by the Biscuit this week. Armed with only a knife he runs along and stabs hundreds of people and I like the way they turn instantly into skeletons

Green Beret (also in Europe known as Rush N Attack)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmJEpaGYDIw

here is a review of the game

http://www.mobygames.com/game/zx-spectrum/rushn-attack

and don't you forget you play for hours and hours just so you can see this screen












80's ROCK TIME

This is ridicoluos which is why we love it, sent in by the king of sprouts Mr C, who has this comment on the video
80s
people must have been putting most of their earning nostril wise

here is the vid
which represents the lyrics literally

Hotdog
jumping frog
alberquerque

!????

Prefab Sprout - The King Of Rock 'N' Roll

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH0HH-_mviU

Here are the lyrics




AMUSING STORIES ON THE NET

Rats on a plane (hey there could a movie in this)
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2119123.html

Grandma we love you (they aren't just for Xmas you know)
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/18/waste_disposal/


This was sent in and sent out to someone whilst drunk by the Birmingham Bishop. Who when he found out he sent it said this

I’ve just found out that when I got home last night I sent an email

What the hell was I thinking?

It read even odder the first time when I thought it said casualty, anyway here is the email, get ready to bend your mind in on itself.

Causality Sucks

I've just spent my lat 3 hours, pissed, trying to rearrange my mind.

We make the assumption that time is liner , and we make assumptions
based on that.

Fine, I understand that; it means that every action has a
pre-determined outcome.

Stay with me here... What if our brains work on a quantum level?

How many times have you had a bad feeling, or strange dream, that
never quite fit in to the box?

Our brains are complex organisms, as far as I know science cannot
measure the synaptic data that is processed.

We are inventing computer chips that are almost processing at a quantum level.

Here is the leap of faith...

Assume that our brains work on a quantum level. This would mean that
we could perceive changes outside of our normal time and space. This
could mean we could actually predict the future of our current
time/space!

For a bonus point, try to explain this to a sexually frustrated girl friend. :-)

I'm still struggling with duality

Sleep well

From the twisted minds at B3ta

http://www2.b3ta.com/merrychristmas/

Somone rang up and said he couldn't come in today because

"I've got a blocked nose"

and another one. It's not an excuse but it's not playing by the rules because his wife rang up and said he wouldn't be coming in.

Teletext porn , I saw this on mediawatch on Football365 on Wednesday

http://drx.a-blast.org/~drx/projects/teletext/index.en.html

here are some of the best. The words that spring to mind when looking at them is - YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT. I'm sure these teletext lovelies















this was written in the source control to explain the changes someone had made

Mysql select creators created, thank you creator for the opportunity to create this sqlcreator for Mysql

I read this article in the newspaper and the views of this weasel are staggering piece of journalism, which has to be read to be believed. what I found more scary was all the comments of people agreeing with him. even the title is work of art

Littlejohn: Spare us the 'People's Prostitute' routine...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/columnists/columnists.html?in_article_id=423549&in_page_id=1772&in_author_id=322&expand=true

I think it's the style of the article that really adds to the piece, bits like this

"And I know this might sound frightfully callous in the current hysterical, emotional climate, but we're not all guilty"

We do not share in the responsibility for either their grubby little existences or their murders. Society isn't to blame.

It might not be fashionable, or even acceptable in some quarters, to say so, but in their chosen field of "work'=", death by strangulation is an occupational hazard.

That doesn't make it justifiable homicide, but in the scheme of things the deaths of these five women is no great loss.

They weren't going to discover a cure for cancer or embark on missionary work in Darfur. The only kind of missionary position they undertook was in the back seat of a car.

Of course their friends and families are grieving. That's what friends and families do. But they should also be asking themselves if there was anything they could have done to prevent what happened.

If you discovered your daughter had gone on the game to feed her heroin habit, wouldn't you move heaven and earth to get her off it?

Frankly, I'm tired of the lame excuses about how they all fell victim to ruthless pimps who plied them with drugs. These women were on the streets because they wanted to be.

At Ipswich Town's home game on Saturday, there was a minute's silence. We were supposed to believe that this was a true reflection of the community's sympathy.

I don't buy it. Most people went along with it in the spirit of emotional correctness and through fear of getting their heads kicked in if they didn't.

There was only one thing missing, but don't bet against it.

When Blair gets back from saving the Middle East, don't be surprised if he turns up at the funeral of one of these unfortunate women

GAMES OF THE WEEK

xmas games

http://www.speedysanta.com/firebox/

http://www.smashingideas.com/card2004/

http://www.miniglobz.com/games/santa_en.html

http://www.macromedia.com/macromedia/holiday2004/

here's a collection of 25 games, a couple of them very good

http://stufffromkevin.blogspot.com/2006/12/25-really-addictive-flash-games.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/6182155.stm

Indian athlete fails gender test

What the hell is a gender test, I can only imagine it must involve some "cupping" and the use of Mick Dundee

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/6188775.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/essex/6193693.stm

From the section that brought you Rocky 6, here comes another golden oldie

talking about old films, here is a die hard for teaser

die hard 4 teaser

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2F9eCSav9x0

but moving on from that, I had been scared they would make a right dogs dinner of it, who knows what it will actually be like but at least it looks good TRANSFORMERS, introduced by Amsterdam Rob

When did you leave

I don't know, I lost the facility of time by that point

he is sick today his wife just rang in... at 9.30

some poor bloke has had his wife stolen from him by Noel Bloody Edmunds.

and the response to that was.......(wait for it)......

He will just have to deal (or no deal) with it…

A reply to a wedding invitation

"I have been very slack and haven't replied to your wedding invite yet but don't worry I would love to come and get drunk and shout at all of your guests."

no more tea breaks in 2006, it's a sobering thought



MSN MADNESS

Some MSN conversations are a complete shambles and wouldn't happen in the real world, send them in to amusingitstories@gmail.com

Monster

shhh

Monster says:

i can hear u thinking

Xmas Helper says:

if you could hear me thinking, all you would hear woudl be

Monster says:

i wanna walk like you, code like you too oo oo oooooo

Xmas Helper says:

minge minge, boobs boobs, minge minge, boobs boobs

one attempt to beat the drink and drive test, failed but at least he tried?

http://media.putfile.com/Drunk-79

Elephant boy - After telling me of that he was off to india, helping to spot tigers on elephant back.

CHILD OBESITY lINKED TO LARGER MOUTHS

scientists have discovered that childhood obesity could be linked to the growth in size of children's mouths. Professor Adrian Chinmonger said "children today have mouths twice as big as children in the 1940's". The news will bring some Xmas cheer junk food retailers, A McDonalds checkout worker said "this is very good news"

Mouth education

As well as having mouth increases of 100 percent in size todays children are much better educated in how to use them. Children when born instantly try to put food into their mouths often apeing their obese parents

hands like shovels

The real culprit of childhood obesity is evolution. Scientists have discovered childrens hands are becoming more shovel like with the fingers being placed a lot closer together. When a child of today is equipped with such a quick way to transport food into their mouth, there is really only one outcome, obesity.

High trousered TV overlord Sir Simon Cowell is to make a series searching for the new Simon Cowell. A show which follows the success of BBC Two's "How do you solve a problem like Ronnie Corbett" which saw Trevor Richards starring in a summer comedy show as Ronnie Corbetts stunt double and then as Ronnie Corbett 2 in a number of sketches which saw him sit in large armchair and recall 'funny' stories.

Beat Cowell

Cowell beat the BBC to the rights to the show Search for Cowell which will scupper the plans of the BBC who have desperately been trying to find a Simon Cowell of their own. Cowell said about the role of Simon Cowell "in my opinion it will be the most sort after role in the galaxy".

finding the new Robson and Jerome

contestants will be asked to wear trouser to a very high altitude and have square haircuts. One of the rounds is believed to involve trying to fing the new "Robson and Jerome" and another round is believed to involve throwing water at cardboard cut-outs of Louis Walsh. The grand final will include a knockout style show where the first Simon Cowell to make a contestant on the X Factor cry is declared the winner.

XMAS BOOZING

Xmas Helper says:

While we were in the pub this old woman in joggers with her pot bellied husband

Xmas Helper says:

just ordered a sambuca and then was sipping it, going hmm, it's not bad, shall we get a bottle for xmas

Xmas Helper says:

it was like the fucking drunken bakers

all hail Santa says:

haha

all hail Santa says:

"have you got the port????"

all hail Santa says:

"weren't we baking a cake?"

all hail Santa says:

"where's the f*king port??"

all hail Santa says:

"oh you're dead"

all hail Santa says:

haha

all hail Santa says:

random boozer talk

all hail Santa says:

ace

Xmas Helper says:

sipping sambuca at lunch is not right

all hail Santa says:

shots at lunch or spirits in general

all hail Santa says:

beer/lager is fine at any time of day

all hail Santa says:

even brekkie

all hail Santa says:

but the hard stuff

all hail Santa says:

that should be reserved for the wee small hours

all hail Santa says:

or

all hail Santa says:

as i realise on monday

all hail Santa says:

at a funeral

all hail Santa says:

before you all head off to the church to listen to father ted (he was a roman catholic irish priest with a big red nose)

all hail Santa says:

you have some sherry

all hail Santa says:

or a snifter or whisky

all hail Santa says:

.....................

all hail Santa says:

now is this to steady your nerves on an emotional day?

all hail Santa says:

nope

all hail Santa says:

it's just coz the church is -10o

all hail Santa says:

-10degrees

holiday tips from a Mr Bean would be better

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3432265409994388404

Fat kid falls out of ride

I love the contrast of Fat Boy crying and the woman abosutly pissing her pants

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-35608651387949808

this video highlights the reason why everyone should know when they have had enough booze

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8953373063382385941

RUBBISH TV – AIRWOLF

This weeks episode guide is from AIRWOLF – doo doo doo dodododododdo do

The episode is called -the first one

Short summary

Airwolf's Creator, the insane Dr. Charles Henry Moffet, has left a timed 'logic bomb' in the Lady's computers, a deadly program which will turn Airwolf into an out-of-control killing machine. Hawke and Dominic enlist the aid of a former F.I.R.M. computer genius, Dr. Karen Hanson, to help them reprogram Airwolf in time to go into Soviet territory to retrieve an American scientist on a peace mission.

Detailed summary

In the midst of it's key part in delivering and collecting a leading American scientist to top secret sanctions aimed at cooling international tensions with Russians, Airwolf develops a seeming computer virus in it's systems, which periodically takes pilot control and makes it a potential killing machine in the air. The systems have been taken over buy a "time-bomb" left by the chopper's evil creator, Dr. Moffett, who has programmed it to begin the deadly behaviour if not given it a recognition code by him at that time. Hawke and Dominic must decide whether to let the Firm scientists try and work on the machine - risking having them snatching it back away from them - or to find another way to try and cure The Lady before completing their part in the sanctions, knowing that if they fail to completely cure it, they jeopardise not only international relations, but potentially hundreds of lives...

Yesterday was horrible

I had an appointment with my counselor at 5, but when I got there I was told that he left at 4! I was definitely not wrong with the time because 5 is a good time for me as I finish work at 4.30

When I got home and called my mum to arrange her 60th Birthday meal she told me that my sister-in-law's dad had died suddenly from an aneurysm. I can't believe that this time two years ago she had two parents and now they are both gone

I have a job interview tomorrow!

Every time we say goodbye

Went to London from work to meet 'the boy'. He wants me to move in. I probably will!

This makes me sound like a bad person - seeing someone behind my boyfriend's back, but isn't he the selfish one? If he really loved me he'd let me go.

On the way home on the train a beggar got on. It made me so sad. He had a skinny dog that must've been so cold. I gave him £5. He smelt really bad and when he got off left a really bad smell so the people getting on at the next stop thought it was me. I had six seats all to myself!

now that the onion isn't as funny as it used to be, why not try a some newsbiscuits to chew on

http://newsbiscuit.com

The worst album covers

http://www.coverbrowser.com/covers/worst-album-covers

Amusing stories

a nice story from the register about some nice naming of pictures

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/18/health_website/

I KNOW THAT SCREAM

http://www.panopticist.com/archives/215.html

all help Santa

genius

all help Santa

just been for haircut

all help Santa

"The Men's Room"

all help Santa

in town

all help Santa

3 youngish lads

Xmas boozersays:

nice name

all help Santa

all 20s maybe early 30s

all help Santa

sky sports news on big telly

all help Santa

(no sound)

all help Santa

artic monkeleys blaring from ipod speakersetup

Xmas boozersays:

it's a good narrative this

all help Santa

and got a bottle of beer with my hair cut

Xmas boozersays:

sweet

all help Santa

(that was the punchline)

all help Santa

BOOSH!

all help Santa

booze+haircut

all help Santa

think about it logically

Xmas boozersays:

= bearcut

all help Santa

your hair grows

all help Santa

it's a pain

all help Santa

getting it cut is 1hr of your life you could be boozing

all help Santa

these guys have done the impossible

all help Santa

and recooped you that time back

all help Santa

all help Santa

how is tomorrow's tome coming?

Xmas boozersays:

now all we need is for them to have beer fridges in shops, the boys can drink booze whilst the birds look at endless tops

SQUARE THE CIRCLE (office) - Perform a difficult or impossible task.

SQUARE THE CIRCLE (pub) - when one of your friends pulls a stunner on a night out

CARTOON TIME

Newton's Law

Genre: Drama, Comedy, sci fi

Tagline: He was their inspiration. He made their lives extraordinary.

Plot Outline: In world where maths is banned and thinking outlawed, one teacher had the guts to teach it

Painfully shy Tim Meeks starts at a new boarding school Saint Bernard's where his brother is the most popular boy in the school and captain of the soccer team. Meeks gets teased in the playground and is called mongaloid meeks. His room mate James Faraday who is also a genius but is bullied by his overbearing father was teased in the playground where he was called spaz boy and mongoloid meeks until one day someone gives him a soduko and then suddenly everyone realises he is infact a genius. He is entered into the School Sudoku championship and is struggling until his inspirational teacher tells him he gave him a special drink which means he can't lose. Inspired by the fact he can't lose he thrashes everyone in the tournament only to find the teacher didn't really give him a magic potion and all he had to do was to believe in himself. At the end the girl who wouldn't speak to him earlier suddenly wants to hang out with the sudoku champ and the pupil gives the teacher the thumbs ups.

Finish

right for those of you who didn't guess the power of paint was Leona from X Factor, go back and check it, it's a good likeness.

Merry Xmas everyone and I hope this helps to make the day go a little bit speedier for the poor suckers who are at work this friday.

If any readers of this blog have something they would like to contribute then post it along to amusingitstories@gmail.com

Be seeing you

Afternoon all, nice day for it isn't it. I tell you what I would like to do, jump into a really cold swimming pool or river, you first. I am staring to feel the Christmas vibe happening, especially when you see the Christmas directions that have gone up in the office. oh dear I'm meant to call it winter celebrations I aren't well below is aptly describes what I think of that.

I'm not sure where he stole it from but this was lovely picture was sent in by the man with the golden compass. Good work lad. Todays episode is a good one, I have some brilliant clips starting with the one below, go and eat it up you wriggler.

I had a choose today, do this blog or go out boozing so go out boozing I did, hence the lack of cartoons, oh well.





YOU CAN'T BEAT THE SOUND OF AN OLD MAN LAUGHING SECTION

I'm starting with this because it is brilliant, if you are having a bad day this will cheer you up I heard this clip on the radio today and was laughing my head off, if you wondered if Ricky Gervais was the first to do the laughing on radio gig then you are very wrong. I challange anyone to listen to this and not laugh. This gaffe is from Brian Johnston and is the infamous 'leg over' discussion, which just ends in laughing with Aggers.

http://www.radioacademy.org/halloffame/johnston_b/sounds/johnston.mp3

that's so funny you should go and listen to it again, go on god damn you. I love the sound

HAAAAEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY

oh my god I'm crying, I have got to stop listening 4 times today and that's my lot. Aggers for goodnees sake do stop it.


PUSHING THE ELEPHANT
I have a couple this week

Scooby Snacks (office)[n.]Token compensation. "The gift certificates they gave us instead of a Christmas bonus were scooby snacks."

Scooby Snacks (pub)- The bribe offered to a friend to get him to come out drinking with you where he of course will spend loads more money and feel rubbish the next day all for the sake of one pint (Scooby Snack), especially bad if the person is playing wingman and the crafty devil has a date lined up.

Extraview (office) [n.]An second interview you feel obliged to hold even though the position has already been filled. Can also happen when the candidate is just so damn hot.

Extraview (pub) Going on another date with a girl who you know you aren't going to see more than a few times just in case you case you can get a bit of action


STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT THEIR LOOKING FOR

The ever interesting section keeps up the good work, someone actually typed in Atomic Walrus (what would you expect that search to return?). I like the thought of people looking for a meaning in the word awooga, it's like trying to find the sound of ice cream.

• awooga meaning
• Atomic Walrus
• BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER MUSTAFE ALUE
• Cdcdedcdcc
• gordon ramsey, pork recipe, trinny and susanna
• playstation 2 bully:where are the rubber bands
• massive wedgie videos
• boobs atomic
• kids buzzcut stories
• awooga sound
• mcdonald's employer undresses story
• faith i wish i were a leprechaun poem by margaret ritter
• how did george foreman end up a grill spokesman
• review on the house of the scopian
• good and evil at gcse r.e. powerpoints
• dvd fashanu why you shouldn't be a footballer
• jokes topical ipswich prostitute
• Xmas do's and dont's
• stories covered cum nipples twist
• scholastic book club conversations with god hoax

OFFICE RANT OF THE WEEK

Christmas Cards, what is the point of them, people buy a packet of 100 and then put your name on the top and might as well stamp theirs on the bottom and then send it to you, no thought, no meaningful message and the only thing that happens is that you feel guilty enough to buy them one back, why??!?!? Just all stop and only send them to people you don't see other wise just say happy fucking xmas to the other miserable sods in your office, OKAY. I won't even go into the fact the Christmas card themselves are digusting little creatures churned out by some idealess cretin who really should just end his misery and ours by quiting and take up a career as Mr Brittas impersonator.

Unless it's like this card (above and left) here which seems like a thinly veiled attack on the person. This card is saying you only have sex with your bird once a year, MWAHAHAHAHAHAA.




FAT DOCUMENTARY OF A MAN OBESE

I've have been dieting for 5 years now and I despite the doctor saying I need to act urgently or I will get diabetites, I think it has gone okay, in that time I have only put on 4 stone. When I got to my monthly doctors appointment I was out of breath because the the doctors is 500 metres from the bus stop, it's too far to make in one journey and I had to stop because my legs had swelled up and my ankle hurt. Luckily I had an emergency mars bar and ate it in two bites. I didn't really understand what's so bad about diabetes until the doctor said it would mean I couldn't mars bars or any sugary snacks, I don't eat that many, only 5 a day but I would miss them and I don't like any vegtables or fruit, except baked beans.


HOW FILMS WOULD HAVE FINISHED IN THE REAL WORLD

Karate Kid

When Johnny Lawrence (Cobra Kai's prize fighter) with the weight and experience advantage locks horns with Daniel LaRusso in the Karate Championshp final (which you have to be a black belt to enter). I herby put to you fair people of the jury that when weedy LaRusso hops around the ring into the "crane" position that in real life it would turn out differently. In real life Johnny would easily block the pathetic kick and then give LaRusso a "right good pummeling" with something like a jumping reverse kick which although Miyagi's washing cars, painting fences, trimming bonsai tree and no sparring what so ever training has no answer. LaRussu loses his chick, throws his bike in the bin again and goes on to become a bum on the streets shouting at anyone who will listen to "never trust a chinese man with your dreams"



Below is one of the worst decorations I have seen, so of course I had to purchase it. It cost me one whole pound but it's worth it for all the festive joy it brings to everyone who comes into contact with it, I mean him



HOSKING SALUTES

This are all back dated salutes because I am still letting you people get your tiny brain puddles around the idea because you are all probably too busy watching the X Factor final (a real competition where the only winner is high trousered kirkanoid Simon Cowell). So if you lot can tear yourself away and set yourselves off down town and drink a load of booze and then do something silly, you too can earn yourself a Hosking Salute, send them into amusingitstories@gmail.com

Rick – for stealing the towel for wiping your hands in a curry house and thinking it was the shroud of turin until the next day and then realising all he had was a piss soaked towel

Chopper - for when being drunk leaps over the fence to retrieve a football. Successfully achieving his mission the soldier makes his way back completely unseen by enemy snipers. He adds a flourish to the mission by doing a roly poly on a small childs slide and completely and utterly flatterns the slide, much to the horror the of the owners who had somehow got in the "blind spot" of our brave soldier. Yes they were there watching from just inside their house as a drunken fool leaps over kicks a ball back and then squashes their little ray of lights slide and then jumps back over their neighbours fence to join the party. Good work lad.



Come in Early
Everyone knows people who come in early must be doing loads of important work that needed them to leave their beds early because it just couldn't wait one half an hour longer. Managers believe that they are working at least 1000 percent more than their slothful fellow workers who arrive on time or later.


I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT TRUE

Mr Miyagi, Daniel LaRusso (okay I can believe that one) or anyone else in the cast of Karate Kid didn't know Karate, can you believe it. Mr Miyagi (real name Pat Morita) was in fact a comedian.

Here are some facts from IMDB on Karate Kid from here

Pat Morita was initially turned-down for the role of Mr. Miyagi because there was a "no comedian" policy when looking for an actor. He was later given the role because he was best for it after reading.

The last spin kick that Daniel is hit with before he is saved by Mr. Miyagi actually hit Ralph Macchio and hurt him.

William Zabka (Johnny) had no martial arts experience prior to being cast in the film. However, he was an accomplished wrestler.

The scenes in this film where Mr. Miyagi is using chopsticks to catch flies in midair is an obscure reference to the film Miyamoto Musashi kanketsuhen: kettô Ganryûjima (1956) where a very similar scene is used.

The yellow classic that Daniel works on in the "wax-on/wax-off" training scene was given to Ralph Macchio by the producer and he still owns it.





WHEN I WAS YOUNG (AND COMPUTERS WERE AS BIG HOUSES)

I was wondering what to do with this section (put it in the big I hear you shout) but I have changed it to be just about games I played when I were a lad. When I was young playing games were simple, you only had punch, kick, knee and jumping kick, none of this combo nonsense.

We start with a classic TARGET RENEGADE and all I have time to say is Watch out for Big Bertha

Large link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTXOXLVW2vg

small link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IredDipLks4&mode=related&search=

send me you favourite games of the past to amusingitstories@gmail.com


XMAS DECORATIONS

They have just gone up in my work place and I thought we could













This was sent in by the Man with the golden compass




POWER OF PAINT

This weeks power of paint was done by the Man with the Golden compass and I think it's evident he has clearly broken the 5 minute barrier with this fine effort.













QUOTES OF WEEK

sent in from Hong Hong Fooeey

greatest football chant ever....Don't blame it on Biscan, don't blame it on Hamman, don't blame it on Finnan, blame it on Traoré. He just can't, he just can't, he just can't control his feet.

From Locky Balboa

The later punch was horrible, but after that tequila it tasted OK.

the punch looked minging later coz someone spilled loads of salt in it (oh and hosk put every remaining spirit in there plus lots of lambrini)

i felt so bad Sunday morning i watched the whole of hollyoaks coz i was too lazy to leave the room, not been that bad for a while

I hate using someone else's mouse because when you come back to use your own it feels wrong in your hand

What's the name for a group of geeks, a gaggle, like geese only different. Maybe a GHz of geeks

It must have seem quite surreal to someone who walked in because there was a woman being roughed up by her bloke, whilst we were eating popcorn I brought from the cinema, boozing and watching on

"To topless barmaids! Bar fights! Drunkard old farts with no teeth! £1.40 a pint! And Piss stained pool tables!!"

The reply to the above comment was

"Are you describing the Punch Bowl, or your Dad's 60th?"

"I don't usually eat this hard but it's nice to crunch it"

"Glad to see you are getting better, just in time to wreck yourself at the xmas do"

"yeah 9/10 ilnesses are best of suffered in work but toilet related ones either end are best done at home"



due to popular demand from me I am expanded this section to include bad video's to accompany the lyrics, so the judge a bad one now is more like diving, you get points for content (lyrics) and style (video). This video is soo weird when watching I wasn't actually sure it was the right video as Aha do their cartoon one trip pony idea again, who then runs off for no reason. The video is classic 80's as is the song, the band and especially the hair on their heads. The lyrics are completely toilet with the added twist of sounding quite good and I happily bopped along to the song. Well done to the Biscuit (my resident artist I have locked up in my dungeon) for supplying this weeks song, who although reading the blog every week and singing along to the songs, didn't even know this section of the blog existed.

This weeks entry is

AHA - THE SUN ALWAYS SHINES ON TV

Here is the video, top stuff especially the start

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UETauC0-bPc

here are the lyrics

http://www.lyrics007.com/A%20Ha%20Lyrics/The%20Sun%20Always%20Shines%20On%20Tv%20Lyrics.html

Touch me
How can it be
Believe me
The sun always shines on t.v.
Hold me
Close to your heart
Touch me
And give all your love to me
To me

I reached inside myself and found
Nothing there to ease the
Pressure of my ever worrying mind
All my powers waste away
I fear the crazed and lonely
Looks the mirror's sending me these days

Touch me
How can it be
Believe me
The sun always shines on t.v.
Hold me
Close to your heart.
Touch me
And give all your love to me.

Please don't ask me to defend
The shameful lowlands of the way I'm drifting
Gloomily through time
I reached inside myself today
Thinking there's got to be some way
To keep my troubles distant.

Touch me
How can it be
Believe me
The sun always shines on t.v.
Hold me
Close to your heart
Touch me
And give all your love to me.
To me.

SPAM OF THE WEEK

I got this spam from Kit, I instantly thought of the car. It didn't even have anything inside the spam just this cryptic message, so just make sure you give your loved one some hearing truth this year.

rom: Kit

: is known as anadian bacon

-----Original Message-----

From:

Sent: 06 December 2006 17:51

ational regulation of ham production ach country that produces ham has its = own regulations. edit rance ayonne am e ambon de ayonne aking its name from= the ancient port city of ayonne in the far outh est of rance ( a ays asque= or the

Subject:

title:

Full Name:oven

Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

Content-Type: text/html

Subject: content, and the post slaughter

cured bacon different flavours. old smoking involves leaving the meat at a

low temperature fire for anything up to 2 3 weeks. ot smoking involves

using a much higher temperature where the meat is partially cooked over a

few days. ass produced bacon is cooked in large convection ovens. he ovens

can

A couple of Boring blogs for you this, prepare to be UNAMAZED right before your eyes

http://www.xanga.com/xBananaButtx/526953233/item.html

I realized just how useful google truly can be. For example, this morning I was eating a "cocktail bun" which I have never tried before. I was chowing it down when I noticed this sweet mixture stuffed inside the bun. Without hesitation, I looked up "cocktail bun" and discovered this... "they're filled with an addictive coconut mixture, the ingredients of which I've never quite been able to ascertain. But think butter, sugar, egg and lots of dessicated coconut and you get the picture." Wow, thank you google.com!

http://ceciledubois89.journalspace.com/?entryid=1623

Birds smarter than they seem

Posted: November 7, 2006

Classification: uncategorized

A break from voting for once, and time for bird season. According to the Daily Mail, pigeons have quite a memory.. The smartest birds are of course the crow, raven ad the jay. The dumbest? Unfortunately, scientists have chosen the New World Quail. I've seen quail in northern California and they never get off the road but simultaneously, I have never seen a dead quail.

Crows, I believe, are the most interesting bird. They have all sorts of bird calls. For example, I woke up one morning and thought my roommate was laughing hysterically. But she was sound asleep. Instead, there was a gigantic crow right outside our window making very high pitched calls. You see, they dont' just go, "caww, caww."

Another time, I thought I heard a woodpecker. I looked up the tree and saw a crow making a weird vibrating sound that sounded like a woodpecker. Maybe they're like mocking birds in that they like to mimic other birds.

http://ceciledubois89.journalspace.com/?entryid=1619

What if...

Posted: October 28, 2006

Classification: uncategorized

The US is the world's most generous donor of condoms. What if there was a shortage of condoms because latex become scarce and more expensive to produce? Would there be a population boom, or rise in STDs?

This was contributed by the Bromsgrove Villian

GHz - used to describe a group of geeks e.g. oh look there's a GHz of geeks.

this means I am exactly one year behind the BBC, this isn't bad considering the number of people they employee

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4566526.stm

Here are my highlights, but there are loads of interesting ones so be sure to check out

4. An average record shop needs to sell at least two copies of a CD per year to make it worth stocking, according to Wired magazine

11. One in 10 Europeans is allegedly conceived in an Ikea bed.

14. It's possible for a human to blow up balloons via the ear. A 55-year-old factory worker from China reportedly discovered 20 years ago that air leaked from his ears, and he can now inflate balloons and blow out candles.

19. The = sign was invented by 16th Century Welsh mathematician Robert Recorde, who was fed up with writing "is equal to" in his equations. He chose the two lines because "noe 2 thynges can be moare equalle".

20. The Queen has never been on a computer, she told Bill Gates as she awarded him an honorary knighthood.

29. When faced with danger, the octopus can wrap six of its legs around its head to disguise itself as a fallen coconut shell and escape by walking backwards on the other two legs, scientists discovered.

41. Tactically, the best Monopoly properties to buy are the orange ones: Vine Street, Marlborough Street and Bow Street.
45. C3PO and R2D2 do not speak to each other off-camera because the actors don't get on

69. First-born children are less creative but more stable, while last-born are more promiscuous, says US research.

78. One in 18 people has a third nipple.

100. Musical instrument shops must pay an annual royalty to cover shoppers who perform a recognisable riff before they buy, thereby making a "public performance".

Saudi Road Skating

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVLZJ90E-q4

School suspends art teacher for painting with bum

you just can't do anything these days without getting in trouble for it

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2117703.html

worlds tallest man saves dolphin

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6178659.stm

Government asked to investigate Christmas music torture

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/14/christmas_music_torture/

Embarrasing, it is big and clever, it is not wicked or cool. This weeks book is

WICKED COOL SHELL SCRIPTS






"I have been getting a lot of spam since you sent me that email last week"

The email by the way was just a personal email, bah that's it blame the one's you love

I have changed tact a bit with this section and have started going for better games rather than weird ones

splash

http://www.games1.org/theGames/Z2FtZXMvc3BsYXNoLnN3Zg==/Splash

xmas game

http://www.zarinmedia.com/xmas/chairlift/

A Santa game

http://www.speedysanta.com/

XMAS DECORATIONS RESULTS

Look again, in the middle of the table, oh for god sake I will ring it with a red pen














TV IMAGES FROM CHILDHOOD

Last week I had the history of the BBC test card with the scary little girl playing noughts and crosses, this week it's something a lot better. Sinbad fighting the skeltons, what a film. Everyone remembers this clip. A good quesiton, how were the skeletons created, using hydra's teeth of course (I tried it last night)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W1jE72AfBs

how do you kill a skeleton, don't try punching them on the nose, that only works on sharks, the key is to fight them a bit and then jump into the sea

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE BORDER TERRIER FORUM

My Mum is always on the border Terrier forum (they don't just talk about dogs you know) and she sent me this. Look what those monsters have done to that poor little dog, he hasn't got an ounce of dignity left, I bet he is thinking

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMASS INDEED

This week I am going to put in the description of a baywatch episode I actually had the pleasure to watch over the weekend and it was the funniest thing I have seen for a long time. For some reason the baywatch crew were in Alaska on a cruise and a blonde bird and Hasslehoff and another dude were walking out in the woods and then the blonde gets chased by a grizzly bear. This chasing scene involves running very slowly for some reason. If you put yourself in the shoes of the blonde what would you do, yes you would try to run near hasslehoff to save you, so she runs off shouting Mitch Mitch who stop their fishing to help rescue her. She then runs onto a log which goes a bit into the river, for some reason the log has barbed wire wrapped around it (why she didn’t just jump in the water is beyond me). So she edges out on the log the bear cleverly twists the log and gets her foot trapped and her half underwater splashing about (go bear). Then Hasslehoff and other bloke get there. I know what you are thinking how does hasslehoff scare away a big 8 foot bear, by waving a stick at it of course. After Hasslehoff shakes the stick at the bear a few times whilst shouting “yaaa yaaaa” the bear decides this is way to annoying and fecks off. The two chaps then use the stick to lever the log up and rescue the stupid woman.

"White Thunder at Glacier Bay: Part I"

After boarding without Neely, Lani, or Donna seeing them, Mitch and Cody surprise their colleagues by appearing at dinner. Hobie and Leslie make it obvious that they know when they're not wanted. Hobie also knows that his father still disapproves of his impulse to invite a total stranger with them on the cruise. When the ship docks in Ketchikan, Mitch and Cody prepare for a day of salmon fishing while Hobie and Leslie plan an outing in town. As Hobie and Leslie are departing the ship, Leslie sees Gavin at the gangplank anxiously scanning the crowd as they leave the ship. She quickly offers to baby-sit Neely's infant, finding a convenient way to stay onboard while Gavin searches for her off the ship.

Fortunately for Leslie, Gavin has met Donna, who he mistakes for Leslie because of her long blond hair. Donna, on the other hand, mistakenly believes she has found her millionaire dream man. Mitch and Cody are enjoying their day of salmon fishing, when a ferocious grizzly bear attacks Neely and forces them to make a daring rescue in the ice cold lake. Back on the ship, Neely recovers from her brush with death and thanks Mitch for saving her life. The moment grows in intensity and Mitch and Neely find themselves locked in a kiss. Confused by what just happened, Mitch excuses himself and Neely is left to ponder her actions and her planned reunion with her ex-husband the next day.

With few options aboard the ship, Leslie plots to escape from Gavin by renting a paraglider at the next port and gliding over the mountaintops to safety. Hobie joins Leslie on the paragliding excursion, unaware that she is not planning to return to the ship. Gavin manages to follow them to the take-off point.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006560592,00.html

Don't they know that "roasting" is so 2003?

Fat Britain

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/academy/6215152.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6220358.stm

Lethal Wiipon

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006570535,00.html

what the hell is going, Steve Balmer has sprung a leek. I like this video but I just don’t quite understand what he is trying to say http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6304687408656696643&q=developers+developers+developers

The Time Trumpet

this is a site from Amardo Ianucci, I think it’s a new comedy show for the BBC but it has lots of clips and is quite funny

http://www.timetrumpet.co.uk/

cookd and bombd

get your arses over here, this site is fantastic and has all the work from the masterful Chris Morris – mmm delicious

http://chilled.cream.org/forums/bluejam.php

The Perryship bible

The best cartoon on the internet and it’s twisted right up your arse

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF206-Game_Boy.jpg#195

THE DRUNKEN IDEAS FACTORY

Revouloutanary ideas usually thought when your brain is in a higher place (e.g. boozed)

This weeks is a colloboration between myself and Mr C. Template xmas do's

basically you all go out to standard pubs e.g. weatherspoons, Vodka bar, eat at Mcdonalds and then go to a Reflex night club or such and if you can't make any of the destinations you can get a video link up. This means you can go on an xmas do but without having to go to the same pub as your work mates.

this is from football 365 media watch quoting sky

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/0,17033,8749_1771709,00.html

'They should have been counting the days to Christmas here in Ipswich... instead they are counting the number of dead prostitutes.'

1960s LSD Propaganda Film

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5TJApnJ8X8&mode=related&search=

THE ARMY ON DRUGS

notice and bunching and indecision

1 hours 10 minutes into the exercise with one man climbing a tree to feed the birds

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leqSIrD34_8&NR

THE MOON IS CRUSHING MEEEEE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3lu5dVzA0w&mode=related&search=

SPAM OF THE WEEK

READERS LETTERS

I've recently learnt to play poker, taught by the poker-meister himself Biscuit, James Biscuit Bond. I can't remember a * cough* sport producing so many comic gags and one-liners relating to flopping etc, except perhaps weight-lifting... everyone loves to see a nice snatch.



A good question but I would perhaps look at cricket for another excellent source of childish humour, googles, men being caught out, wrong un's, all out, and Shane Warne offer plenty of such giggles.

This history of the fantastic childrens show, where children who didn't know left from right would direct someone for minutes at a time until they found an apple so they could continue. Without ever really knowing what the point was, it was compulsive viewing, until they all froze of course. ahhhh.

http://www.knightmare.com/history/index.htm

How to get your car out of a snow drift - puuuulllll

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8255135319449165931

Achohol + Fire + Stupid Kids = ??? – an amusing clip for us to watch

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4398987457467157728

scantily clad women dancing

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=9077488798272764470

blonde flip

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-988521890368706730

What do you do if your teacher wife cheats on you with a pupil and gets pregnant by him, then kicks you out and moves him into your flat? The pupil is then dumped and takes your teacher wife to court for forcing him into a Sexual Relationship. Do you:

- stay well out of it, the Bitch completely ruined your life and you hope she gets what's coming to her.
- Offer advice and a shoulder to cry on, at least you might get a shag out of it.
- Kidnap the pupil, tie him to a chair underground and beat him up, I mean that will make him drop the charges and he won't ever tell anyone when you finally let him go, yeh right! Oh by the way you forgot to check his pockets, that lighter in his pocket came in very handy to burn away the ropes and bash you over the head you loser...

Soapland logic ..... delivered by Soaplands number one Critic...


END OF LINE

Thanks for everyones contributions, if you have something amusing you would like to contribute then please email me on amusingitstories@gmail.com, I'm sure you can all find a link or two in your hearts to send a poor blog begger or perhaps draw a celebrity using paint

Be seeing you

Welcome everyone, glad to see you have made your way to my blog, it's important you enjoy life, smell the roses, visit my blog because in the words of Ferris bueller

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. "

but then again he was a smart arse you listen to the tough principal Rooney

I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

On with blog you snot nosed punks.

CONTRIBUTIONS

I am slowly slowly catchy monkey getting people to contribute and thanks to everyone who have been sending me their funny spam (Mr C and Old Mo) and the Biscuit for his doodles and fancy art work (it's the stuff that looks good, the crap stuff is mine). Also thanks for the people sending in funny things they bump into during the week, share the wealth my friends. If you have something that's funny then email it to amusingitstories@gmail.com

There is a still a bit of a hangover from Amsterdam with an excellent RudeBooyzz. Check out this link to the Biscuit rude boying

http://www.etabrizi.co.uk/amsterdam.html

Biscuit is the one on the right

STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT THERE LOOKING FOR

This is one of my favourite sections because it is full to the brim of madness, I would love to found out what the person was expecting when he was wondering what awooga meant. What about Mother spanking son stories, although my favourite this week is the search which some how found it's way onto this blog "Dads giving sons wedgies" just ask yourself what was he hoping to find, some kind of club he could join, perhaps it becomes addictive?

• Conversations with God and Conversations with God for Teens, written by Neale D. Walsch . + snopes
• what does awooga mean?
• Amusing stories about banking
• real economic effects on George Foreman's deal with Salton
• boy sleeps with family member sex stories
• kenny everett legs move
• mother son spanking stories
• little funny stories for youngsters
• compositions on staying up late
• trinny and susanna undressed + breast cancer girl
• trinny susannah bum tum thigh review
• who all seen a leprechaun say yeah t-shirts
• holiday office parties - dos and dont's
• sex borrrrrrr
• embarrasing ejaculation stories
• video of john fashanu saying awooga
• guinness book the biggest silicone boobs
• trinny and susannah undress screen penis
• DIY Bee Gees Kit
• Which presenter was the subject of an expensive transfer from BBC to ITV in 1999 des lynam
• dads giving sons wedgies
• caning prison bum lads
• boob sneak game addictinggames.com

This blog is called Gamer Dayz and this blog entry makes me laugh, firstly because it is dramatically titled Experiences and secondly for the dramatic Hollyoaks style teen acting/writing.

Experiences

Lately I have found myself wondering why I think and see things the way i do. Why I always find myself looking for a different truth then the one that has been said or shown to me. And everytime I go through these thought processes I come to the same conclusion: Experience. In my experiences people always seem to have an ulterior motive, or some thing that they don’t want to say (to me specifically, or anyone). And at the time I thought little of this lack of information until the “truth” comes out in some other conversation at a future time and I look back and I’m confused or annoyed or disappointed.

Because of these experiences I am left with a constant drive to look for the secret that someone doesn’t want to tell me. Im always expecting a lie to be told and Im rarely ever surprised when the “truth” finally does comeout. I understand that humans will often tell “little white lies” to make themselves feel better or get a point across or whatever, and those LWL mean little to me. But for some reason because of my experiences I have honed, perfected, gained (whatever) the ability to pick a true lie when I hear it. I can’t say that some person is going to walk up to me tell me there name is Bob and KNOW that they are lying. But with the people I have gotten close too, or hang out with a lot, I can generally figure out that something is amiss.

Recently I have been experienceing Deja Vu. Previous experiences are repeating themselves, for the most part anyway. The people and places are different, but the deeds and situations are all too familiar. Friends have lied to my face and didn’t even apologize when truth came out. But, those lies aren’t the reasons Im posting, I “knew” about those lies before they ever became truths.

Like I said I have become pretty good at “sensing a disturbance” among my friends. But I found a truth within the past couple of days that took me completely by surprise. The lie is 3 years old or so, but still took me for a loop. And the reason I was so taken aback was that I had asked a VERY precise question and was told a flat out lie. And from someone I thought I could really trust to be straight with me. I guess even I can be surprised sometimes.

Experiences are supposed to, at least in some part, define us. They give us the knowledge on how to deal with similar, or not so similar, situations in the future. But why is it that these experiences make it so hard to trust, laugh, be scared, surprised, happy. I have found someone I KNOW I can trust, but there were times when my experiences told me not to. Most likely they are going to read this post and want to begin an inquiry as to why I feel this way and if they can help me or make me feel better (although now that I have stated that they may be caught in a “Catch 22”). Don’t ask, don’t question, don’t give me that “look” when you read this. We are fine.

I keep to myself for this reason: because my experiences have told me that I will be exploited, disappointed, or abused. Its because of that that I find myself questioning every new person I meet. Wondering if and/or when their “truth” will come out, and whether that “truth” will affect me in some way.

My experiences have left me with pessimism. Plain and simple. Im never surprised, the jokes are expected, and people always have something to hide from me.

Experience sucks.

~Aetas

Second Blog - Catcall
Animal bloggers can tend to be a bit, how shall I say, committed to their pets and seem a bit crazy to non pet owners. This blog entry Tummy Tuesday is a good example, I enjoy his signing off "enjoy the time you have with them", beautiful

Tummy Tuesday #19

Tummy Tuesday is the brainchild of LisaViolet, who has many kitty tummies to share with the masses.

I remember looking at the Kermit doll and thinking "I wonder if Edloe will put up with an evil Kermit."

I know that this wasn't the first Thanksgiving without Edloe there to mooch bits of turkey and for Piper to snatch them up from the floor just before Edloe got to them.

But I still missed the big furry grumpus. It's been a long time, but I still expect to see my big furry friend there in the morning, shambling up to my feet and sitting on them to keep me from putting on my socks and boots.

She'd take my feet hostage... the ransom was treats.

Be thankful for the time you have with them.

I found this code this week and I am the proud owner of this piece of code

getIsEmpty()

There is a biscuit doodle on the left

I like this book title, you can just feel it's trying to turn the title up to eleven and be a bit a cool, trying to connect with the Yoof. Here it is

Hardcore Java

These are like the Darwin awards but they given for Brave/impressive or just plain foolish actions whilst being drunk. A badge of honour for actions in the field whilst being drunk.

As I had a party last week, I shall give a few

For someone saying they will be fine walking back and then promptly falling over about 1 yard out of the door

Rick - for being given the Santa hat of power, who then with the powers this imparts to take up the special mission of going out side in the rain to get the bedding from the car. A task which he failed miserably and then only going outside after someone had already got the bedding.

Hosk - for lacing a salsa dip with hot chilly sauce (uncle Dave's special reserve) and then later in the evening falling for his own trap and dipping something into the salsa dip and receiving a hot surprise.

Hosk - for creating a White lightening, Champagne, cranberry and orange cocktail (which didn't taste that bad)

Uber Geekery

I always try and put a bit the Uber Geekery column in mainly because I like the little man on the left there. This entry is an example of Uber Geekery and is also hat doff or maybe nerdy look over the nerdy glasses to the person who sent this in saying he found it amusing, yes Cheddar that's you. It's about the title of architect which is often dolled out to computer people, well they should bloody well check the Architects act of 1997 (I kid you not), if I'm reading it right it says we should hunt down software architects with hounds and scare them until they cry

PART IV
	USE OF TITLE "ARCHITECT"
Use of title "architect".	20. - (1) A person shall not practise or carry on business under any name, style or title containing the word "architect" unless he is a person registered under this Act.
	(2) Subsection (1) does not prevent any use of the designation "naval architect", "landscape architect" or "golf-course architect".
	(3) Subsection (1) does not prevent a body corporate, firm or partnership from carrying on business under a name, style or title containing the word "architect" if-
	(a) the business of the body corporate, firm or partnership so far as it relates to architecture is under the control and management of a registered person who does not act at the same time in a similar capacity for any other body corporate, firm or partnership; and
	(b) in all premises where its business relating to architecture is carried on it is carried on by or under the supervision of a registered person.
	(4) The Board may by rules provide that subsection (3) shall not apply in relation to a body corporate, firm or partnership unless it has provided to the Board such information necessary for determining whether that subsection applies as may be prescribed.
	(5) A person enrolled on the list of visiting EEA architects may practise or carry on business under a name, style or title containing the word "architect" while visiting the United Kingdom without being a person registered under this Act during the period, and in respect of the services, for which his enrolment is effective.
	(6) For the purposes of this section a person is not treated as not practising by reason only of his being in the employment of another person.
	(7) In this section "business" includes any undertaking which is carried on for gain or reward or in the course of which services are provided otherwise than free of charge.
	(8) Nothing in this section affects the validity of any building contract in customary form.
Offence.	21. - (1) If any person contravenes section 20(1) he commits an offence and is liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding level 4 on the standard scale.
	(2) A person is not guilty of an offence by reason of contravening section 20(1) on any particular date if-
	(a) the contravention is occasioned by the fact that an application on his part for registration under this Act has not been granted; and
	(b) notice of the decision not to grant the application had not been duly served under this Act before that date.
	(3) A person is not guilty of an offence by reason of contravening section 20(1) on any particular date if the contravention is occasioned by the removal of his name from the Register in circumstances in which notice is required to be served on him and-
	(a) the notice had not been duly served before that date;
	(b) the time for bringing an appeal against the removal had not expired at that date; or
	(c) such an appeal had been duly brought, but had not been determined, before that date.
	(4) In relation to an offence under subsection (1)-
	(a) section 127(1) of the Magistrates' Courts Act 1980 (information to be laid within six months of offence);
	(b) Article 19(1) of the Magistrates' Courts (Northern Ireland) Order 1981 (complaint to be made within that time); and
	(c) section 136(1) of the Criminal Procedure (Scotland) Act 1995 (proceedings to be commenced within that time),
	shall have effect as if for the references in them to six months there were substituted references to two years.

Spam (not tin of) was sent in by the ever so dangerous Mr C, I am lovin the spam's recent use of random bits of books, it's as if you put a 1000 monkeys in a room with a type writer, my favourite line has to be this one, I think it's some kind of comment on the ashes

Bugger barger, pmfriends englsh, aussie accents. Strong wordsgreat shadow mom!

From: touted <EMAIL ADDRESS WOZ ERE>
Date: 06-Dec-2006 12:22
Subject: April


Kenny Everett

I was talking about Kenny Everett sketches because Mr C sent some in last week and I always remembered the Rod Stewart Sketch, well here it is and a snatched a few more whilst I was on youtube.

Rod Stewart sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVfgnD-2XjM

Billy the Dancing bucket
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcjFKYbIMY8

Obscene Caller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPY73rYeZao

Sid Snot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YpAdK0CrTY

I had a party this week and me and Mrs H, well she isn't really a Mrs H we are partners what ever that means. Mrs H was cooking, I say cooking but really mean ovening the food whilst I sneaked off to play football as Men do I'm afraid and two fingers up to feminists all around the world. I huffed and puffed around a muddy pitch only too end up on the losing side where my team did the decent English thing and lost in extra time. On exiting the field of dreams I went back to my car only to find a funny yellow thing tucked under the windscreen wiper, NOOO surely not, it...it...it can't be, it bloody is. Some evil twisted hitler wannabe has only gone put a ticket on my car. For a tiny split second I thought, it's the bloody ref, I couldn't remember seeing him during half time but then surely refs can't book players cars as well them, Ref's powers didn't transcend beyond the 90 minutes did they. I imagined the ref sneaking off and tip toeing up to the cars and brandishing a yellow ticket, in fact I had always imagined Jeremy Beadle type person from the times I saw Beadle's about when no one saw through Beadle's amazing disguise. The ticket didn't deter me from having a top party and did at least give me some topic of discussion with my other guest - "what is the best way to torture a traffic warden".

AMSTERDAM ROBS HOT ONES

game of the week

for those of you who want to relieve the old megadrive Fire It Up Basketball

http://www.teagames.com/games/fireitup/play.php

HOW TO GET AHEAD IN THE OFFICE

Always make sure you have a screen with lots of bright and complex graphs on it. Similar to have a desk littered with big fat technical books, a screen full of bright graphs is an eye grabbing interactive way to make it look as if you are doing very complex work, probably using quantam physics. Bosses and people walking by will be amazed and baffled at the work you must be doing.

Tell Ben that no magnet = no sausages tomorrow!! And no scotch eggs!!

I didn't like the strip show that much, there was this bloke with hard that looked like a three week old banana, I would have preferred him to have a rock on

yeah but you dont go to see his cock do you

yes but it's good for them to have a rock because I like to see a fanny get a good pounding

to comment on someone off being ill

"he's probably off with a bad case of Xmas shopping"

have you got sql plus to look at the oracle

She's a power user then

You can access it using Toad, I don't know Toad

OFFICE ETTIQUETTE - TOILETS

Out of the office a toilet is somewhere you go to relieve yourself of the human waste you have built up. In work it is a completely different place, it's somewhere you go to get away from doing work, perhaps have a little kip if you are a bit tired. Toilets can be places where you see people from other rooms and floors, you never see these people at any other time and you can't be totally sure they work for the same company.

At work a toilet is somewhere you get paid to wee and poo, this thought tickles office workers so much that someone has made some software so you can calculate how much money your employer just paid you to use the toilet.

Even women are brave enough to go to work toilets with out a buddy.

They also double up as changing rooms if you are going straight out from work.

Trolley Dash

You are Neville Smyth and have just been employed as a Trolley herder in Tescomart. A brain numbingly boring job until Sunday when all the Trolley herders meet up for "Trolley Dash". Navigate the car park race, getting extra points for knocking over customers with bags of shopping and scratching customers parked cars. Keep good car of your Trolley and watch out for one broken wheel, which can ruin your racing chances.

There are 8 tracks to complete as your race around all the supermarket carparks in the area, if you complete all the levels you get noticed by the boss and promoted to Deli counter assistance.

In my Day (When computers were as big as houses)

"No one Googled anything, we always asked Jeeves or search on Alta Vista"




Fantastic 80's TV

This week I thought I would go for a bit of Boon. Good old Boon, it was a golden period when people on the street didn't hate Neil Morrisey, yes I know it's hard to believe that now but it was true, he was a cheeky monkey boy with silly hair rather than the annoy obnoxious twat with silly hair when he was in Men Behaving Badly. Anyway I digress, back to Boon, I remember the title of this episode because it was in a pub quiz and it has always made me laugh, it's a long guide but worth it

Never Say Trevor Again

Ken is trying to serve a writ on a wily rogue, Charles Henry Marquis, who runs a window-dressing business. Marquis keeps giving Ken the slip. Ken fails to catch him at a wedding-dress shop and when he is on his way to a fancy-dress party – dressed as a bear. Eventually, with a bit of subterfuge, Ken delivers the writ. In doing so, we learn Ken’s middle name: Winstanley!

Margaret is installing a security system at a large house owned by Don Pettifer, a crook that she has had many dealings with during her time in the police. When she sees several other villains arriving at the house, she is sure that they are planning something. Two gardeners, Trevor and Ray, are working in the grounds. Ray goes to hand in his notice because he is fed up of being thumped by Pettifer’s minder, Julian. He sees Pettifer handing round large amounts of cash. When he tells Margaret this, she becomes even more suspicious. Ray drives off – and is not seen again. Trevor becomes worried.

The police have been watching Pettifer’s house for months. DC Pelham and DS Merrison ask Ken and Margaret for help: they want Margaret to plant a bug in the house. Margaret does this, but Pettifer sees her doing it, by watching one of the CCTV monitors that she has installed. Forewarned, Pettifer and his wife prattle on about innocuous subjects such as the local charity fete, with the police listening in vain for any incriminating evidence!

Without a van or any tools, Trevor cannot continue working in the garden, so he turns up at the Plaza Suite in response to a job that Harry has advertised. Harry is approached by “Happy” Jim Hargreaves, a lugubrious former colleague from the fire brigade. Hargreaves has “turned religious” and is organising a fund-raising event for the League of Absent Friends (LOAF). He wants to rent the Plaza Suite at a discounted rate. Thinking that it will be some sort of spiritualist event, Harry agrees.

However Hargreaves has more worldly plans – a boxing match. Trevor offers to help Hargreaves and sets up a date between his glamourous red-headed mother, Renata, and Harry, to get him away from the Plaza Suite for the evening. While Harry is with Renata, Ray comes round and Harry sees them locked in passionate embrace. Ray and Renata are planning to run away together, but don’t know how to tell Trevor: “It’s difficult to tell your best mate you’re in love with his mum”. Harry volunteers to break the news to Trevor, only to discover that Trevor already knows but doesn’t know how to tell them that he knows.

PUSHING THE ELEPHANT - OFFICE JARGON BUSTER

FOILED UP - a project that went wrong because someone tried to do a crazy idea which was never ever going to work. The foil refers to mad people who wrap it round their heads to stop the government and Aliens reading their minds

FOILED UP - an ingenious drunken plan like lets chat up those bird by pretending to be astronauts or I'm going to walk home, leave the nightclub and commence 30 minutes of solid weaving before arriving straight back at the nightclub - TAXI.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT TRUE

There are only 30 episodes of Topcat made but it was shown every day for years

followed up quickly by 2 yer kidding me's and a you cannot be serious, check it out, it just goes to show old Newt's wasn't wasting all his time heading apples off his noggin.

Sir Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727) invented the first known cat flap. While he was in his attic trying to conduct light experiments, his cat kept nudging the door open and letting the light in, spoiling his experiments.

I would like to add at this point when I told my girlfriend of this interesting fact, she replied with firstly

"where did Issac Newton buy the cat flap from"

and then after I explained he invented it

"who did he invent it for"

PLANS TO UPGRADE ALIEN DEFENCE GRID

After Tony Blair watched Independence Day on DVD this week the Government have announced plans to upgrade the Britain's Alien Defenses and build a new generation of anti-Alien missiles. The plans in a white paper suggest that an Alien attack could happen at any moment and we need to be prepared.

'balls of flames with little red hot eyes'

he white paper does state that creating an anti Alien missle will face some technical challenges mainly due to the fact we don't know what Aliens look like yet. "it's hard to create a missle because we don't know if the Aliens will be robot like or little green men, they may even be balls of flames with little red hot eyes".

'Crazy'

critics believe the estimated 20 billion pounds would be better spent elsewhere. Kate Hinchley from BBC Five Live who is from the anti-alien defence grid pressure group said "if we go ahead and develop anti alien missiles then the aliens might take this as an act of aggression and attack us with a death star like weapon.". Government officials retaliated to this comment by saying "we cannot rule out the aliens if they exist haven't invented a Death Star, it is highly likely they have watched Star Wars and used many of the ideas from it".

NEW BRAINS AVAILABLE ON THE NHS BY SPRING

The be leagued NHS face a rush of people applying for new brains which could be available as soon as spring. Scientists accidentally discovered how to do a brain transplant whilst doing a routine brain twist operation.

Backward sentences left Dutch translator baffled

Jane Canterbury was having her brain twisted after she had fallen over whilst gardening and her brain had twisted back to front, which left her talking in backward sentences much to the confusion of her family who thought she was speaking dutch. After a dutch talking expert came round to translate but the backward sentences left the dutch translator baffled.

repeatedly banging head on tree

Paul Zenon who happened to be performing in the local corn exchange instantly recognized she was talking backwards because he had the unfortunate experience of twisting his brain at the age of four and doctors had diagnosed him as a brain damaged Mongoloid until he knocked it the right way round when he was 13. " It was a very confusing time because no one could understand what I was saying, so I become very frustrated and people got the wrong idea when I kept repeatedly banging my head on a tree down bottom of the garden but then one day it just popped back round and I could talk normally again"

magician who can't take a heckle

Initially people were concerned when after Jane heckled the zany Magician in backward talk, everybody laughed but Zenon who knew exactly what she said, Zenon rushed up and started smashing the Jane Canterbury's head against the seat in front of her. Her husband Derek Canterbury said "I thought here we go, another magician who can't take a heckle thinking he can go around whacking heads against chairs" but Zenon explained the innocent mix up and Jane was booked in for a brain twist operation.

Left handed heart

when the surgeons where doing the operation a trainee accidentally swapped Jane's Brain with a dead builder from Bolton. The gaff happened when one of the doctors told the YHS trainee doctor to swap the brains and then go to the store cupboard and get a left handed heart. "I thought he would realise I was joking but he didn't and swapped the brains". Jane then woke up after the operation and could talk normally again and no the NHS are to offer new brains by the spring.

SLIMMER OF THE YEAR CHEAT CLAIM

The winner of Slimworlds slimmer of the year has been thrown into controversy when it was revealed Mike Battey had had his leg amputated. Battey defended himself saying "it didn't say anywhere in the rules that amputated legs would not be counted in the weight lost that year". The directors of slimworld are concerned that this sets a dangerous precedent in slimming techniques used.

WHITE IS NOT WHITE

A furious row broke out today when conservative chief whip Terrance Tenby refused to acknowledge the colour white. When persistent presenter Jeremy Paxman asked the beleaguered MP "what colour is the colour white" Tenby refused to answer the question.

40 times in a row

Paxman asked the question 40 times in a row but Tenby refused to give to answer the question and instead asked Paxman questions like

"that is not the question, the question is should lower taxes"

"it doesn't matter what colour white is when grey will do"

Monkey balls

until finally he said

"white is not a colour"

Paxman jumped up and shouted "Monkeys Balls" and then herded the MP into a cupboard with a stick and refused to let him out until he admitted White was indeed white.

"Tell Ben that no magnet = no sausages tomorrow!! And no scotch eggs!!"

pleb 1 - I didn't like the strip show that much, there was this bloke with hard that looked like a three week old banana, I would have preferred him to have a rock on

pleb 2 - yeah but you dont go to see his cock do you

pleb 1 - yes but it's good for them to have a rock because I like to see a fanny get a good pounding

A comment on someone off being ill

"he's probably off with a bad case of Xmas shopping"

Random quotes

"have you got sql plus to look at the oracle"

"She's a power user then"

"You can access it using Toad, I don't know Toad"

You have found out that your boyfriend has been cheating on your with the local hair dresser, you are obviously a bit angry so how do you react to the news.

a. Move out, you don't want to live with that love rat
b. Try to chuck him out of his own house because he cheated on you
c. Remain living with the cheater (serial cheater) and pretend everything is fine and then when he goes to work you unscrew the door handle and push it out the other way so you are locked in. You then shout out of the window to one of the neighbours, who then ask you if it was your boyfriend who did this to which you reply no no of course it wasn't, don't tell anyone.
XMAS DO'S (AND DON'TS)

An employee marched up drunk to the Managing Director shouting

"WHAT'S MY NAME"

To which the MD to his credit gave the completely wrong name, still he didn't know that and I'm pretty sure he didn't give a flying f*ck

The same person the next xmas do was trying to get served late on but because of his drunken state they told him the bar was closed so the drunken warrior proceeded to shout at the bar staff

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

To which they of course had no idea, apart from the fact he was a drunken tw@t so they promptly got him chucked out and then some pleaded from his fellow workers stopped the barstaff called the police.

MERRY CHRISTMAS INDEED


This section is where we see new mobile phones with their flashy camera's put to good use and apart from people sending in their office doodles they can send in funny sights from their travels.

Here is a picture of the smallest toothpaste in the world and what's more the person brought this on holiday and it was half used, look how the toothbrush dwarfs the thing. In fact it looks like you could really only get about one squeeze from it.




Here is the classic English man abroad joke. A funny named bag of sweets, oh those crazy dutch with their MUNTDROP. Saying that I think there are quite a few people in England scoffing down some plenty of MUNTDROP's.

if you have any funny phone pics, send them too
amusingitstories@gmail.com




FUNNY COMPUTER LINKS

http://just-humour.blogspot.com/2006/11/programming-languages-are-like-women-by.html

top 20 repsonses given by programmers to testers

http://underthesunz.blogspot.com/2006/11/top-20-replies-by-programmers-to.html

another

http://developer.valvesoftware.com/wiki/Valve_Time

Bond Review

Its a truth universally acknowledged that when anyone mentions secret spies in walks Bond as bold as brass with a shaken martini in one hand and his trusty PP7 in the other hand into a world of womanizing and gadgets.

since before Daniel Craig put on his first nappy people were wanting a real life Bond instead of the comic version delivered by the films. Here Casino Royale which is widely considered the best novel of Ian Flemings Bond franchise plays backdrop to the new real life Bond.

The book is updated, no cold war and it's a brand new start for Bond, out go the gadgets, unusual villains with 3 nipples, no golden guns, no provocatively named women, no empty volcano bases and to cap it off we are taken back to the beginning where Bond gets his double 0 status.

In this film Bond uses his poker playing skills to defeat the bad guy and gets his genitals smashed with a rope for his trouble, which may be one reason for his lack of action with women (he racks up a poor 2 conquests in this film). Felix Lighter makes an appearance and is back to being a black.

So what of Craig, well he runs around (and sometimes through walls) with no top on for what seem most of the movie displaying his toned chest, he has blonde hair, jokes about being whacked on the bollocks and gets the job done, even if he does make a few mistakes on the way.

each week we decide something different gives us cancer. This week it's the turn of the bacon sandwich

This week it's eating bacon sandwiches

TERRIBLE LYRICS

This has one of my favourite lyrics

I'm a fighter, I'm a poet, I'm a preacher
I've been to school and baby, I've been the teacher

see the master at work and I'm loving all the nonsense about Johnny religon and are there any worshipers is, work that crowd Jon the Bon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkRJtySsGaU

"Lay Your Hands On Me"

If you're ready, I'm willing and able
Help me lay my cards out on the table
You're mine and I'm yours for the taking
Right now the rules we made are meant for breaking

What you get ain't always what you see
But satisfaction's guaranteed
They say what you give is always what you need
So if you want me to lay my hands on you

Lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me,
Lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me,

Lay your hands on me

I'm a fighter, I'm a poet, I'm a preacher
I've been to school and baby, I've been the teacher
If you show me how to get up off the ground
I can show you how to fly and never ever come back down

Everything you want is what I need
Satisfaction's guaranteed
But the ride don't never ever come for free
If you want me to lay my hands on you

Lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me,
Lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me,

Lay your hands on me

[Solo]

Don't you know I only aim to please
If you want me to lay my hands on you

Lay your hands on me

Dead Poets society- Robin Williams tries to excite his students that poetry is actually really cool, only instead the classes small attention span is diverted when Fatty Jenkins does a loud trouser cough and the class ignore Williams bursting into a cascade of laughing and then mocking taunts at Fatty Jenkins. A week later Williams character quits the fancy school disillusioned with the youth of today and dies a lonely old man after finding out that quoting poetry doesn't actually impress chicks.

Someone quit for a new job and then 2 weeks later tried to get his old job back, unfortunately he was lazy, not liked by anyone and had bugger all chance of getting his job back. This person also once whilst driving home flipped someone the bird, the person followed him home waving his arms frantically. The bloke drives home and reaches a bit of a dilemma because he has to get out and dash into his parents house. At which point he gets bashed by the bloke following him.

NOT THE NEWS

This was sent in by a reader known as the the Weekly Welsh Wizard.

Spray on condoms (sounds like it could be difficult to apply when drunk)

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2100708.html

He really believed he morphed

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2100774.html

War on terror claims donuts

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/04/doughnut_danger/

free style rapping

http://www.bofunk.com/video/733/cri..._freestyle.html

The History of the BBC Test card, the scary little girl playing noughts and crosses, I wonder how many people had nightmares about her.

http://www.meldrum.co.uk/mhp/testcard/bbc_test.html

POWERBALL MANIAC

I have no idea what a powerball is or what it does

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIbroKyR2Pw

Thirsty man drinks fast

I love the way they are whispering and then everyone stares wide eyed at the fast drinking freak

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48Dl7sXLShM&mode=related&search=

From Lindsey Lohan who I know nothing about apart from the fact she is constantly in the paper wearing short skirts and no knickers, which by the way I'm not complaining about

"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) -everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come."

"Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have."

"I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years."

ending the letter with "be Adequate"

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/02/lohan_berryblack/

sent in by Mr C, just think twice if you are ever having an msn chat with him

Bogging=Blogging whilst on the loo with a wireless laptop

Animator vs. Animation II

I initially thought, well that link wasn't that good, Santa telling me how he uses his computer and then I realized that was the advert. This is cool, Stick men are cool

http://www.atomfilms.com/film/animator_vs_animation_2.jsp

HORROR FILMS THAT ARE SO BAD THEY ARE GOOD

This weeks entry is called CARNOSAUR

This test below is all taken from the link above

The world's leading expert in biological warfare working for a poultry company? Does this sound like Perdue meets Saddam Hussein to you? Roger Corman, bringing funky bad movies to the screen before I was even an egg, scores again! Doc is doing a poor job of night security for a construction company and falls in love with Thrush, who is one of the eco-vandals! Their torrid love affair is disrupted by the plague Tiptree has bred into chicken eggs, she wants to repopulate the earth with dinosaurs and has created a virus to do it. Okay all done with the giggles? Good. Women infected give birth to dinosaurs! Right back to giggles... ...well, once you get composed. Along with scenes of puppet dinosaurs eating people there is this spooky footage of chickens, ever watch chickens feeding in low light - eerie. Doc is all set to save the day after locating a serum and killing mama dinosaur when the military arrives. Everybody gets a bullet then flamethrowers come into action, burning up Doc, Thrush, and the serum. Plenty of fun stuff in a movie when dinosaurs bite the legs off Barbie Dolls (I think it was a Barbie leg) and some funny plot goofs.

here is an fantastic link, just check out his little description.

carnosaur1.mpg - 2.8m I strongly urge you to watch this jaw-dropping scene. Not only can you see the man's hand who is pulling the girl's leg, but then you get to watch the amazing disappearing blood on her face.

I NAME THEE

Hedgehog - The Hedgehog got his name after trying to ask someone to buy him a hedgehog loaf from the local supermarket but everyone thought he was pissing about until he pulled out a miserable face when they came back empty handed, poor hedgehog.

The Diary of a Paranoid man

day 1.
I walked to work today and saw two tramps talking, I was certain they were talking about me, so I shouted "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT, I'M A HUMAN BEING TOO" they laughed cracky laughs and then the fat one without a dog wet himself to show me who was the boss.

day 2.
today I came equipped with a bottle of white lightening and some plastic cups. The tramps were only too happy to share a drink with me but then they got angry when there was none left and they chased me all the way to work.

day 3.
Today the tramps had gone and instead I saw a leaf with the face of Jesus on, I'm not a religious man but I wondered why God had left me this sign, maybe he is about to flood the world again.

day 4.
I couldn't go to work, I wasn't sure if the tramps would be there or wouldn't or if they existed at all and it wasn't all just a visual brain screen of my thoughts, thinking about this caused me to have one of my migraines, the tramps win again.

day 5.
today I drove in and a tramp tried to run me over in my car. He face seemed full to the brim of shock when he kicked my car with his legs whilst I was travelling at 40, he jumped away from the car into a ditch where he thought he would hide from me by not moving and spraying tomato sauce from his head sack. seemed shocked in his face when jumped away from car and into a ditch.

Office Evolution - The Internet

In the Beginning
The internet is something which you never use unless it's out of work hours like lunchtimes or afterwork.

The Middle Ages
You use it a few times a day, buying items of play and Amazon and looking at train times. You also use it to search out things you do not know.

In the end
Thank God for the internet, playing around on the internet makes working bearable and you wouldn't last a morning without it. You use it so much that when the Internet is down people seriously consider going home.


Right thats the end of a rather long show this week. I will clear up the controversial power of paint, I can't work out if it's rubbish or genius. Either way it's entertainment. The answer is Dale Winton, ahhh it's so obvious.

If you have something you want to contribute then send it too amusingitstories@gmail.com and thanks again for everyone's contributions this week. I think people should send in some more work doodles, the worse the better.

Hoskinator over and out